tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8450543349448165337.post6058727955767254489..comments2023-02-27T12:58:29.826-05:00Comments on Unpublished For a Reason: A Few More Thoughts on DepressionHannah Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00849529277859991156noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8450543349448165337.post-69207278462794789842013-02-09T19:28:41.618-05:002013-02-09T19:28:41.618-05:00Chocolate sure is nice :)
I don't know if you...Chocolate sure is nice :)<br /><br />I don't know if you meant those specific directives are unhelpful or if you meant all directives are unhelpful, but I'm totally behind both those ideas. Heh. For me, whenever depression-related advice is formed as "you need to do such-and-such," I become distressed that I am unable to follow their advice, I feel not only disappointing but somehow *disobedient* (curse my inner need to follow rules and instructions!) and the whole paralyzing cycle starts again. Even when it may be good advice (focus on something else, find one thing to work on, etc.) when it's phrased as a command, the stakes are raised, and if I fail to do it, or if I do it and it fails to help, everything feels failed.<br /><br />It is a slight comfort to me to know that this time around, I have some better ideas of what will help and what will not. And hopefully I'll learn more this time that will help me next time.Hannah Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00849529277859991156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8450543349448165337.post-31822347178120326992013-02-09T18:29:57.060-05:002013-02-09T18:29:57.060-05:00"Withdrawing from everyone and going the rout...<i>"Withdrawing from everyone and going the route of depression alone is obviously not a good answer. Loving support from friends and family is clearly important. But I'm learning what methods of support work for me and which ones don't."</i><br /><br />Perfect.<br /><br />I'm of course sorry to hear that you're fighting depression again and I hope you know I'm a tweet or a Facebook IM away if you need to talk. What I like about this post of yours is that you're being proactive. You're sussing out the support that works for you, which is one of the most important parts of the process. Until you reach that point, it's often even worse when there are people offering their version of support because when it fails, you feel like it's a failure of your own and that only compounds the whole mess.<br /><br />Depression support <i>is</i> specialized, because it's a specialized issue. Just as not everyone knows what to say at all, each of us has to find out what does and does not work for us. I'm still working on my own Depression Playbook, but I definitely know that directives like "You need to quit thinking about things" and "Oh, just do something!" only frustrate me and do not help me at all.<br /><br />Reese's cups, however, <i>do</i> help and even if they don't, at least they're so much nicer than people who don't know anything about depression inundating me with pithy bumper sticker slogans.Travis S. McClainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15774869483357940473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8450543349448165337.post-12325973377003380842013-02-09T14:04:48.016-05:002013-02-09T14:04:48.016-05:00A lot of people who don't deal with depression...A lot of people who don't deal with depression equate depression with occasional sadness they themselves feel, and so they offer you the motivational tips that work for them, not realizing that depression is a whole new level that can't be magicked or motivated away as easily as we all wish it could.<br /><br />And, as I said in chat, the whole "if you're depressed you don't trust God enough" line infuriates me. Heh. The Christian church often has no idea how to deal with chronic depression, and it shows in the advice they give to the people dealing with it.Hannah Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00849529277859991156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8450543349448165337.post-88572627776077712262013-02-09T13:45:56.593-05:002013-02-09T13:45:56.593-05:00The last time I was in a major depressive cycle, w...The last time I was in a major depressive cycle, where I could barely get out of bed, let alone feed myself or my kids, my husband tried to tell me to just have a list of things and work on those things, and then I wouldn't be so depressed. If I could just accomplish something, it wouldn't be so bad! <br /><br />Yeah, that just extended the depression by at least a day, if not more. When I was finally feeling better, because it's not something I can talk about while I'm going through it, I told him that I don't need a list of the things I'm doing wrong. I need physical contact with people (And my cat, she is awesome at knowing when I need a cuddle) and I need love and understanding. So we agreed that if I get feeling like that again, I'd ask him for hugs and massages, because those things help my brain feel better, and he won't try to "fix me" by giving me suggestions of things I *should* be doing... because my brain is already telling me that I'm a failure at everything, and I don't need anyone to tell me to just do _______ and then I'll be fine.<br /><br />When I was younger, I heard a lot that depressed people were just selfish, that if they just went out and served other people more, if they just prayed harder, and had more faith, then they wouldn't be so depressed. I heard this from my parents and from my church leaders. In fact, this is something that my mom said to me just a few weeks ago. That being depressed meant I didn't have enough faith in God. Yeah, that's not so helpful. That just makes me feel worse about myself. TiciaLicioushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02843591187878947747noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8450543349448165337.post-13432257278553151362013-02-04T19:18:11.505-05:002013-02-04T19:18:11.505-05:00Yeah. One time I tried to be all, "I WILL GET...Yeah. One time I tried to be all, "I WILL GET SUPPORT FROM EVERYBODY" and it ended up making me more depressed than I've maybe ever been because I felt like I was letting everyone in the world down. Heh. It did not work.Hannah Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00849529277859991156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8450543349448165337.post-66481052991596996622013-02-04T18:34:57.612-05:002013-02-04T18:34:57.612-05:00#4 is so true... Making promises I know I can'...#4 is so true... Making promises I know I can't keep then getting more depressed when I can't keep them is the very definition of vicious cycle. Davehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05267929525320733863noreply@blogger.com