Top 10 Songs From Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (Season 4)

I typically write this after I've had about a year to listen and process and fall in love with that season's tunes, so it's time to pull this one together! Every season I start off thinking, "This has some good tunes but it's not as good as last year," and then end up falling in love with all the songs anyway. So here are my top 10 from the final season.

...Okay, I cheated and included 11, because I wanted to include two songs that are joke songs even within the CXG framing.

10 (Tie). Apple Man/How to Clean Up

For some reason, Apple Man has maybe gotten the most plays of all the season four songs despite not being an actual song. It's parodying those cheesy character songs in musicals that serve no purpose and just let a character actor goof around, and this is exactly what they all sound like. It's just so weird and funny to me. Rachel Bloom has said this is the song that gets stuck in her head the most.



How to Clean Up maybe got the biggest belly laugh from me this season. Josh is living on his own for the first time ever and doesn't know how to keep his place clean, so he asks Daryl to help him. We get the beginnings of a perky inspirational montage song, only to then learn that cleaning up is actually really, really straightforward.



No best lines for either of these, they're too short.

9. Sports Analogies


This one was in competition with "The Group Mind Has Decided You're In Love" for this spot, but this one won out thanks to the joy of listening to Scott Michael Foster leaning into his inner crooner and the hilarious visual gag of them Dean Martin-ing hard with a cigarette and a drink in EACH hand. This one doesn't require a lot of context, it's a pretty self-contained joke (and kind of one-note, thus being further down the list) but, again, love that crooning.

Best line: "We're American men, we like all sports except for soccer."




8. No One Else Is Singing My Song

I have always loved how compassionate this show was toward its characters while also not giving them a pass on bad behavior just because of their own mental health issues. This song is all about the tendency to see our own insecurities and problems through the lens of "Nobody else could possibly understand what I'm going through," while in actuality a lot of difficult feelings are a lot more universal and relatable than we think, and if we allowed ourselves to believe that instead of holding onto our individuality, we might feel less alone. It's a funny and occasionally needed reality check for me.

Best line: "It's logistically impossible, I am super unique."



7. I Want to Be a Child Star

This episode has my favorite throwaway joke in the whole series ("Boy? Boy? Why are you crossing?") and this insanely catchy tune, in which we see a little of Rebecca's obsession with following specific narratives to the letter reflected in her half-brother, who is determined to be a big name child star... including the stereotypical young adult meltdown, spiral, rehab, sex scandals, and attempted comeback. It's just such a cheerful energetic tune, and the kid's hopeful "Someday I will achieve my dreams" vibe cracks me up. It's framed and performed with the same innocent idealism as, say, Little Orphan Annie sings about finding her parents someday, but... with a very different context.

Best line: "I want to squander everything I've worked for and spiral out of control!"



6. Time to Seize the Day

This is one of the most relatable songs of this season for me. Like... Some months, this is every day getting ready for work. In context, Rebecca has been the subject of some nasty online writings and is now terrified to leave the safety of her home. She keeps psyching herself up to leave, but, wait, no, she has to clean the fridge first. And then maybe she needs to order a new fridge. And then maybe she needs to look up some facts about sting rays. And then before she knows it, it's nighttime, she's missed her chance to go out with friends, and she doesn't actually feel better. It's SUCH a familiar routine and thought process, which is always a little startling (and sometimes comforting) to see reflected in someone else.

Best line: "Just take one step forward, two steps back, now two steps forward, four steps back, five more steps back and now I'm back in bed."



5. I've Always Never Believed In You

I really loved Paula's plotline this season of re-establishing a healthier relationship with her kids, only to immediately have to say goodbye to one as he goes off to do great things she honestly never thought he was capable of. This song is not only a heckuva powerhouse anthem, it's also funny and down-to-earth and a good reminder of how people can surprise us and grow into much better people than we ever knew. And I love how it is honest about parents' fears for their kids and taps into Paula's awe at who her kid is now along with the regret for not having more faith in him so she could be there through his transformation. It's such a heartfelt moment tinged with humor and it always makes me tear up a little at the end.

Best line: "The moment you were born, they placed you in my arms, and I looked into your eyes and thought, 'Well, there's a murderer.'"

4. Love's Not a Game

White Josh didn't get nearly enough musical numbers in this show, so it's super fun to watch him take on this Guys and Dolls parody in the show's next-to-last episode. It's just a fun number with fun costumes and a cheerful recognition of how skeezy it is to get your entertainment from your friends' lives... and how many of us do it anyway. Only thing that could make this song better is some tigher choreography, which I desperately miss -- a lot of this seems like some sort of weird freestyle. But that's a minor nitpick in an otherwise really fun song.

Best line: This time it's a tie between "Is nothing sacred to you, lady sir?" and "Josh should be wary of parasails!"



3. I Hate Everything But You

The decision to re-cast Greg as Skylar Astin in season four is a controversial one, but I really love it for creative reasons, and that was solidified by this song, which is So Very Greg that it made it much easier for me to see Skylar as Greg rather than just a new character. It taps so beautifully into the grumpy old man/edgy teen crossover vibe Greg always had, but I also like this sweet undercurrent where Rebecca and Greg have the potential to bring out good things in each other through this contrast in their personalities. When their relationship worked, it WAS because Rebecca's enthusiasm inspired him and his grumpiness grounded her. That can also go off the rails (as it has many times for them) but this song feels like the truest version of their relationship. Plus it's just really fun to sing along with when you're driving home cranky on a long commute after a stressful day.


Best line: "I hate the phrase 'Love conquers all' and I hate that it's true, 'cause I wanna not hate things when I'm with you."



2. Anti-Depressants Are So Not a Big Deal

This one took inclusion on a survivor playlist to really sink in for me, but once it did, WOW, did it. This show really excels at destigmatizing mental health issues and normalizing taking care of yourself, and this song is the epitome of that for me. While obviously medication doesn't work instantly or for everyone and the journey of finding one that does work can be exhausting, the stigma of "this is weird and I'd be embarrassed to tell anybody about it" stands in a lot of people's way, and the joyful embrace of medication with singing! And dancing! And bright colors! is so good at cutting through that perception. And some days I just need to be reminded of that. This song feels like a musical theater ensemble giving me a big comforting hug, and I have to admit I cry a little bit most times I listen to it.

Best line: "Some say that in the past we didn't medicate everyone -- cool, witch trials and the crusades sounded like so much fun!"



And before I get to my #1 pick, some honorable mentions, as always!

• As mentioned above, "The Group Mind Has Decided You're In Love" was in the running. It's such a funny takedown of the weird fetishizing of LGBT couples.
• "Eleven O'Clock" and "The Darkness" didn't hit as hard as Rebecca's serious ballads have in previous seasons, but they're both good and were in contention.
• "Gratuitous Karaoke Moment" goes in waves for me where I love it and then waves where it dies down. When it works, it really works!

And now, my #1.

1. Don't Be a Lawyer

Yeah, yeah, besides "Anti-Depressants..." this is everyone's favorite from season four. But that's because it's great! Lawyers are held up in so many narratives as The Best of All Possible Professions, so it's fun to see someone tackle the fact that, really, most lawyers are doing pretty boring things, and hardly anyone is able to make big bucks AND use law to change the world for the better. But, like so many others on this list (season four really brought it with the upbeat songs, huh?) this song is just so upbeat and fun and cheery singing about the soul-sucking nature of the profession. It just puts a smile on my face every time I listen to it, and even more so when I watch it and get to enjoy the choreography as well. So good.

Best line: "There are so many other professions that don't turn you into Jeff Sessions."

Well... that's my top 10 from every season, folks.

Next up, I guess, is making a giant Flickchart-style ranking of every individual song.

So that's what I'll be doing for the next... quite some time.

Top 10 Songs From Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (Season 3)

Now that the show has been over for almost a year... I think I've finally decided on my definitive list of the best songs from season 3. We'll give season 4 a bit more time to settle in. So here are my top 10!

10. The Buzzing From the Bathroom

In what could have been a tiny throwaway moment, a side character who's usually the butt of the joke suddenly realizes that, well, his wife hasn't been as magically swept away by his sexual performance as he thought she was, and far from sneaking off to "brush her teeth" after every time they have sex, she's almost certainly using a sex toy. It's the kind of joke that is often used on an annoying sitcom side character who thinks they're all that, but in this show the character gets an enormous, dramatic, "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables"-style ballad. (And they actually address the fact in a later conversation that if she was lying to him about how great their sex life all this time, that's at least partly on her! He can't fix what he doesn't know about!) This song itself is one of the more vocally ambitious tunes Crazy Ex has attempted, and I love that it's given to such a minor character. And the song is delightful.

Best line: "I'm haunted by the buzzing from the bathroom, like tinnitus of the loins."



9. The Moment Is Me

After being a college student for years, Heather finally accumulates enough credits that they force her to graduate, and she's not sure how to feel about it. To her horror, she is compelled to sing an inspirational musical theater song about it being her time to shine. It's hilarious, especially knowing Heather's characterization as a deadpan, too-cool-for-anything sidekick. The contrast between the expression on her face and in her voice and the High School Musical enthusiasm of the background dancers continues to be hilarious to me.

Best line: "'Cause the clock just keeps on ticking, it doesn't care that time goes by. (What?)"



8. I Go to the Zoo

Nathaniel lets down his guard more than ever this season, and one of my favorite moments of that is in this song, where he starts with a Drake-style "look at me and my money and how many women want to be with me" and it turns into a bizarre ode to the zoo. The video for it is even funnier, with these slow-motion "cool guy" walks past zoo animals.

Best line: "Sometimes even the zoo isn't enough, so then... I go to the aquarium. It's like a zoo for fishies."



7. F***ton of Cats

(Originally in the show as "Buttload of Cats," but as usual, I prefer the explicit version.)

Oh man, this song would have scored even higher for me if I had first encountered it in my single days. I was all about upbeat songs about being alone forever. And this one is hilarious. Rebecca has decided she's going to be single for the rest of her life, so she might as well just get started doing what forever-single women do: get Way Too Many Cats. The lyrics here are funny and clever, but the visual jokes and line deliveries are even more so, from the other cat customer's "And cats!" to the cat puppets to Rachel's exceptionally jaunty walk to the cat store. And this time around watching the video, I was really amused by the cat in the lower lefthand corner, which is either not a very pliable puppet or has a very unenthusiastic puppeteer, because it is not trying to match its mouth movements to the lyrics. (Most visible on "We gotta work on our collective image" around 1:40, where it opens its mouth four times in rhythm while the others enthusiastically mouth every line.) It's just such a fun upbeat song, and it's so much fun to sing along with.

Best line: "The ironic part is we're not that friendly. If you're lonely, we might make it worse. Also, we sleep like 16 hours a day. Have you considered getting a dog?"



6. Strip Away My Conscience

O for more fun songs for altos to sing! I partly like this song just because it's in such an amazing range for me, but it's also got such a great sleazy sound to it, and the lyrics play with the concept of "evil = sexy" in such an entertaining way. Rachel Bloom does an incredible job of taking sexual tropes and stereotypes and emphasizing them in a very funny way -- "The Math of Love Triangles," my favorite song from season two, is another great example of that. One of my favorite moments here (though I saved my favorite line for down below) is in between verses, when she does the "Stop hitting yourself" bit, demonstrating hilariously that this character does not have a sense of where that line is between hot and just mean.

Best line: "Innuendooooo!"



5. Nothing Is Ever Anyone's Fault

This song is one of my favorite examples of the narrative this show fights against -- the idea that nobody can control what they do, we are controlled by fate or our genes and don't have to take responsibility or make tough decisions. It's especially funny, though, when framed in terms of a big romantic ballad -- Nathaniel's transition from explaining how nothing is his fault to "I can't control that I'm in love with you" is hilarious, and Rebecca gets sucked into it partly because of the temptation of blaming all her issues on someone else and partly because it's a moment of romantic confession from him. Fortunately, by the end of the episode she's come to terms with the fact that she can't hide behind her diagnosis and her parental abuse anymore -- they may explain what she does, but they don't excuse those actions. Contrary to the song's lyrics, psychology is not a great excuse.

Best line: "I understand what makes me frightened and sad, so now I still do bad things, but are they actually bad? No! Because nothing is anyone's fault!"



4. My Sperm Is Healthy

So I got to the top four on my list and texted Jacob saying, "I'm stuck. All of these songs are my favorite. What do I do?" He helpfully responded, "Choose the one you like the least!" So I guuuuuesss that's this one but the top four on my list are all gold.

Anyway, "My Sperm Is Healthy." Rebecca's boss Darryl has decided he wants to have a baby with a surrogate, so he gets himself tested to make sure the odds are good before he starts the process. In this song, he gets the results of the tests back, and, as you can guess from the title, it's good news. I laughed out loud when the song begins with his co-worker Mrs. Hernandez going, "Ugh, this is going to be gross," because, yes, it is, but it's also kind of glorious. It takes the musical tropes of guys bragging about their sexual prowess and uses them to instead empathize with a middle-aged man who loves being a parent so much that he wants another one even without a partner. Darryl's glee at learning he can indeed father a child is infectious. This is another one where the explicit version is funnier to me, but there's no video version of that one, so you get the CW-approved version.

Best line: The string of Tom Hanks puns out of nowhere. "I'm in a league of my own, just like Tom Hanks / Not a cast away when I blast away / That thing I do is inseminate you."


3. Fit Hot Guys Have Problems Too

This season saw the unexpected buddying up of Nathaniel and White Josh as they both got over breakups that they denied meant anything to them. They bonded over their obsessive gym workouts, but it's not until this song that they (and, halfway through, Josh Chan) bond over their broken hearts, and perform a song about how just because they're attractive doesn't mean they don't have issues of their own to deal with. But, of course, since it's Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, they also do it while showing off the attractive bodies they're usually so proud of and use as a defense against the world's cruelty... until it doesn't work anymore. (...CXG had an unusually high number of stripping songs this season. And they were all good.)

Best line: "It's just hard to process emotions with our clothes on."

2. I've Got My Head in the Clouds

And now for a much less sex-related song than the last two... this one is about religion! Or, rather, about using religion to run from your problems. Josh Chan has decided to become a priest so he doesn't have to deal with the stress of relationships. This does not turn out to be a sustainable plan, but for a short while he's happy about how great it is that being one of God's top guys will mean all his problems will be automatically solved and he'll never be sad or confused about anything again. (Incidentally, I like that in dealing with this issue, the show doesn't look down on religion -- it's very reminiscent of Mother Superior in Sound of Music's, "These walls were not built to shut out problems. You have to face them.") Anyway, Josh is channeling Gene Kelly here with some killer dance moves, and the whole thing is so joyous and fun and silly that it always makes me smile.

Best line: "Whoa! That's what you look like?" "It's what YOU think I look like! Now let's dance!"



And before I get to my #1, my runner-ups included...

• After Everything You Made Me Do (That I Didn't Ask For) - Rebecca's vengeful reprise is so intense and fun.
• A Diagnosis - A beautifully relatable song about "Oh my gosh, we'll finally figure out what's been wrong with me and it'll be OK!"
• Without Love You Can Save the World - Rebecca's enthusiasm is fun, whether she's wholeheartedly pursuing love or wholeheartedly running away from it to save the world like in this song.
• I'm Just a Boy in Love - Season 3 Trent = Season 2 Rebecca and it's amazing.

But my actual #1 song of the season was...

1. Let's Generalize About Men

This is just so ridiculously fun. More than any of the others, it's the one that I've found myself playing at the end of a difficult day at work. Even if my frustrations had nothing whatsoever to do with any men, there's a dramatic, upbeat aggressive tone here that channels the exact right mood for me. It's also an incredibly funny tune about our tendency to generalize when we need to feel better about a situation. It even hits on the stereotype of the sassy gay best friend - they get to be generalized about as well in this song. (...Yay?) It's funny and delightful and maybe the MOST fun one to sing along to on this list. Such good stuff.

Best line: "Why do men never listen and always think about themselves, as opposed to women who always listen and never think about themselves?"