It’s almost halfway through May and I haven’t written this… partly I just really haven’t wanted to because I failed miserably in April. Let’s look at what my goals were last month, shall we?
Blogging Goal: Publish at least three April blogs.
Nope. Didn’t do this. I suppose technically I posted one at least when I posted my April check in, so I guess I’ll give myself a 3/10, but overall I just did not use my spare time wisely. We’re going to try again. I only have a few weeks left in May, but I’d like to publish at least one blog (besides this one) in May.
Health Goal: Get into the habit of taking my depression meds.
Nope. Didn’t do this. Like, at all. 0/10. And when depression started kicking me in the face this month, all I could think was, “Well, I’m not taking my meds and I’m not scheduling therapist visits, so I guess this is what I deserve,” which is not a particularly helpful method of thinking. So we’re going to adjust that and try again. Start taking my depression meds, dang it.
Movie Goal: Use my MoviePass to see at least one movie a week.
Nope. I saw one. So… 3/10. And I’m actually watching a decent amount of movies otherwise, so I’m going to try this goal again. Persistence! See one movie a week with MoviePass. I already watched one last week, so that’s one down, three to go!
God Goal: Daily Bible study and prayer.
Wanna guess how this one went? Yeah, nothing. 0/10. This is my goal again. I feel like anything else I work on here is just going to be patching holes unless I can get into a regular God habit again, period.
Friends Goal: Have a one-on-one conversation with five faraway friends.
Yeah, I don’t know how to rank this one. On the plus side, I DID have a few conversations with faraway friends… but that was really only because I got to see them in person. I also had a few weeks where I felt so overwhelmed with loneliness for my faraway friends that I cut all contact off with them entirely because it made me too sad to talk to them. So that’s useful. I almost want to take off points for that because I undid anything I was trying to do. So we’ll compromise and give me a 3/10. I like this goal, though, and I feel it’s achievable, but I’m going to simplify it in case my jerkbrain goes crazy at me again this month. Send an encouraging message to three faraway friends. There. I should be able to do that.
April was rough, folks. 9/10. I seem to be doing worse every month, which is... not helpful, and pretty discouraging. But right now I’m going go to go get started on my blogging goal, because I CAN DO THAT RIGHT NOW RIGHT THIS MINUTE, and I can do medication and Bible study tonight, and I can message someone I care about to let them know I love them, and if I do all that I’ll already be doing better than I did last month. Right now my threshold is so low that I can do just about anything and boost it.