Friday, March 18, 2016

A March Madness Bracket, FSWCCLAB (Part 2)

Yesterday I talked about my picks for the top 64. Today let's rush through the rest of my choices.

Round 2
1. Governors vs. Huskies. If huskies decide to turn on our nation's governors, there's nothing they can really do. The Governors stay in my bracket.
2. Terrapins vs. Rainbow Warriors. The Rainbow Warriors are heavily environmental and would probably refuse to fight the cute little turtles on principle. The turtles have no such principles and could slowly bite the Rainbow Warriors to death.
3. Shockers vs. Bulls. Let's remember that shockers are wheat harvesters. If there's a bull stampede, the wheat cannot save them.
4. Owls vs. Bulldogs. The fact that the owls can fly is going to be a huge advantage to them here. They can swoop down, peck out bulldog eyes, and swoop away.
5. Ducks vs. Hawks. As terrifying as ducks can be, I think the hawks are going to just obliterate them for the same reason the owls are going to get bulldogs. They can fly better.
6. Seahawks vs. Bulldogs. If birds keep fighting these bulldogs, we could end up with a final round of just ALL THE BULLDOGS.
7. Panthers vs. Aggies. Yeah, there's no way agricultural students are making it out alive in a cage match with panthers.
8. Beavers vs. Sooners. Those sooners, rushing in to claim their land... and in the meantime probably destroying the beavers' natural habitat.
9. Tar Heels vs. Friars. North Carolina is a large state. I'm pretty sure they could get rid of the friars just by sheer volume.
10. Mocs vs. Wildcats. Again, whether it's mockingbirds or moccasins, I'm pretty sure they lose to wildcats.
11. Fighting Irish vs. Mountaineers. This is another one where I think the sheer numbers win, as well as the fact that mountaineering seems like more of a defensive maneuver than offensive.
12. Badgers vs. Wildcats. This is a tough one, as I feel like they might be pretty equally matched in viciousness, but wildcats seem spryer. Sorry, badgers.
13. Cavaliers vs. Bulldogs. I suspect these upper-class British Royalists are not going to win a lot of battles against anything that can actually fight.
14. Trojans vs. Gaels. Two entire people groups fighting each other! I guess I'm going to have to say the Trojans would win since almost the only thing I know about them is their fighting prowess.
15. Bulldogs vs. Runnin' Utes. The Utes face off against a different set of bulldogs... and are again chased down.
16. Orange vs. Blue Raiders. The friendly horse eats the orange.

Sweet 16
1. Governors vs. Rainbow Warriors. Well, looks like the governors win here, because it is easier to legislate people away from saving the environment than it is to legislate huskies not to eat you.
2. Shockers vs. Bulldogs. These poor wheat harvesters just keep getting attacked by animals and I just don't feel like they're prepared for that.
3. Ducks vs. Bulldogs. Let's kick the rest of the bulldogs out of the fight because they've completely murdered the ducks.
4. Aggies vs. Beavers. Are agriculture students prepared to fight against the beavers' claws and teeth? I suspect not.
5. Friars vs. Mocs. I suppose the mocs could win this one, but just because I'm having trouble imagining friars taking them down. I don't even know what that would look like.
6. Mountaineers vs. Badgers. The mountaineers attack the badges with their pickaxes and climb away.
7. Cavaliers vs. Gaels. The Gaels must have fought at some point (though, granted, I know very little Gaelic history). The Cavaliers didn't seem to do much from the four seconds I spent in research.
8. Runnin' Utes vs. Orange. The Utes may not be able to outrun a bulldog... but they CAN outrun an orange.

Elite 8
1. Rainbow Warriors vs. Shockers. I think if it came down to it, the shockers would win this one. After losing to so many small animals, I think they'd be full of rage and catch the rainbow warriors off their game.
2. Ducks vs. Aggies. Ducks are small, but they are mean. If they attacked, those poor agricultural students could be in trouble.
3. Friars vs. Badgers. All I can imagine is a friar opening the door of the church, stepping out, and having a badger jump up into his face like an alien face hugger.
4. Cavaliers vs. Orange. As much as I wanted the Cavaliers to stay in the game... they probably managed to eat quite a few oranges in their time, while oranges probably did not eat so many Cavaliers.

Final 4
1. Rainbow Warriors vs. Aggies. I feel like while they're on similar teams, there could be some agricultural students with methods that rub the rainbow warriors the wrong way, and then blood will be spilled.
2. Friars vs. Orange. Finally, one thing the friars can defeat!

...As I sort of thought might be the case, I will be rooting for the Syracuse Orange to win the entire March Madness whatsit. In fact, they might be my favorite basketball team ever. It's difficult to think of something it might hypothetically defeat in the future. A blunt knife?

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