Once in awhile you run across those songs that just make me go, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that one was written about me." I've run into a couple over the years and choosing between them was super difficult. But I think I'm going to have to go with "Music of Heaven" by Jason Robert Brown. And thus begins a bit of an actual bloggy blog.
JRB is writing it from the viewpoint of someone who (I think) doesn't believe in God - certainly doesn't consider himself someone who knows God. That's not me. But the song is also about watching people worshiping God and feeling like a snarky outsider... someone who wants to be touched by God but isn't sure how to put aside the snark and let it happen.
I've always had trouble with corporate worship. I can probably count on one hand the times that it has been meaningful to me, and I'm betting each and every one of those times was when I was on the road with NLDC. Most of the time, no matter how much I want it to mean anything, I find myself on the outside looking in and being annoyed (and skeptical) that people find it so easy, as well as wishing I had some sort of connection like that.
This is my ultimate worship song. It's so honest. It's so real. I always feel like a liar singing, "All of you is more than enough for all of me," when I know that I'm still relying on so much more and if God took that all away from me I'd have a really, really hard time believing he really was all I needed. I can't make that promise to God because I'm just going to break it. I can't sing, "It's you I live for every day" when that's not even remotely true most days.
(Not to mention I really don't know how at ALL to worship with third person songs like "Mighty to Save." Who am I singing to? Are they Christians too or am I trying to convince them about God?)
But I can sing, "I want to say yes."
I can sing, "When will it open my heart?"
I can sing, "Let the music begin."