If you don't follow me on Twitter...

...here's what I've been posting about this month.

Re: rapture, a friend says: "It's actually the rap-tour. Jesus is out spittin' rhymes to churches full of frowning old people right now."

[retweeted from @chibchenko] Is it just me or does anyone else find pressing F5 refreshing?

Mom: (Reading a book to the kids) "'She swallowed her own mouth, going dry...'" (Pause) "No. 'She swallowed, her own mouth going dry.'"

I love snarky reponses to iCheckMovies comments:

Comment 1: "Very good movie, all the injustice made me really angry!"

Comment 2: "The injustice made me really satisfied. Break the weak!"

[retweeted from @cpat71] If social media isn't helping you build a more engaged audience, try building a more enraged one. It's only one letter different.

16yo: "Which do you want me to make, brownies or dark chocolate cake?"

Me: "Cake!"

16yo: "Please say brownies."

Also, if you haven't been following my Facebook, which is fewer of you, and that's why I put this in the second part... this is what's been happening there.

For the last couple days, any time my littlest siblings ask me what movie or TV show I'm talking about, I say, "The Office." This means they now think The Office regularly features a baby and serial killers, and Jeremy Irons is in it. Someday when they watch the actual show they're going to be so disappointed.

So I was reading Conservapedia's list of "Greatest Conservative Songs." "Stayin' Alive" by The Bee Gees was listed because it is "pro-people and pro-staying alive." Yeah, The Bee Gees were the conservative heroes in an era of crazy pro-dying liberals, cleverly hiding pro-staying alive messages in their song titles.

Me: I am hiding behind your door RIGHT NOW, ready to jump out and yell at you.

Josh: Which door? Closet or room?

Me: The one you least expect.

Josh: REFRIGERATOR

‎Elizabeth: "When I'm napping and I'm half awake, half asleep, I'm still always aware of what other people are saying and thinking. Uh... well, not what they're thinking. I can't read minds while I'm sleeping."

Rejected Mao rule: If you play a joker, you have to do the Joker's pencil trick to someone at the table. (Especially helpful if you have too many people playing.)

Looking over my philosophy notes, I just found this: "Weirob's objection: Blue River case. River has same characteristics, but not same water. Pocahontas says you can't step in the same river twice." That's right, I derive my philosophical arguments from Disney lyrics.

I talked about how I probably wasn't going to be sleeping tonight, and Anna (whose mother is driving her to her far-away class tomorrow) responded, "I'm probably gonna crash in the car on the way to my class." I sure hope she doesn't. Unintentional pun ftw.

Reading tomorrow's Religion & Theater play. It joked about misspelling "Klaatu barada nikto"... and then DID misspell it, with only one A in "Klaatu." This bothers me because I. AM. A. NERD.

I left my jacket in someone's car yesterday. When I got it back today, I discovered that my iPod had been playing the whole time in the jacket pocket. I was 537 songs through the "shuffle all" playlist.

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Just some end-of-the-month wrap-ups. Because it's 4:30 and I don't feel like finishing watching Buried yet.