Monday, June 4, 2012

Don't Steal My Introversion!

One of the Google searches that led to my blog this week was "lying about being an introvert." And while I'm sure it led the searcher to my Introvert Lies post, it made me think about the inverse possibility - where someone might say they're an introvert when they're not.

Now, obviously not all introverts are the same - my introversion differs from my father's introversion, which differs from my friend Sarah's introversion, and so on and so forth. There are some people I've been surprised to find out identify as introverts, because they behave like so many of my very extroverted friends. So sometimes people you wouldn't think of as introverts, are.

However... sometimes people say they are introverts when they are clearly not. It's usually not a lie as much as a misunderstanding of what introversion means.

Let me clarify.

You are not necessarily an introvert just because:
-You need alone time. Everybody needs alone time sometimes. Introverts need people time sometimes. Very few people are all-the-way one or the other (and, frankly, if they are, that might be unhealthy). I am one of the most introverted people I know and I still have plenty of times when I want to be around people.

-You get depressed. I actually had someone say this to me once. I almost laughed in their face. Introverts and extroverts are both capable of experiencing depression, whether it's medical depression or a melancholy emotional state.

-You are shy. Shy and outgoing are not the same thing as introverted or extroverted. I know quite a few shy extroverts (they're those quiet people who are always willing to hang out with the group but tend not to really come out of their shell for awhile) and outgoing introverts (they have no fear of interaction with people, they just find it draining).

-You are deep. Occasionally this weird stereotype works in favor of introverts - introverts are apparently deep and mysterious, while extroverts are shallow and silly. This is complete nonsense. There are shallow introverts and deep extroverts.

When I meet an obvious extrovert, who constantly surrounds themselves with people and prefers to do everything in groups, and they try to tell me they're actually introverted, it makes me want to yell, "Don't steal my introversion! That's my personality trait, and you are nothing like it! You have your own! Enjoy it!" :-) Really, though, it's never malicious. It just means they don't have a good sense of what introversion actually is, or possibly that they don't have a good sense of who they are, or maybe they are introverted but they're acting in a way that deliberately contradicts who they are (like when I tried to be heavily sociable because I thought introversion was a flaw).

This is another reason for me to write these introversion blogs. There is nothing wrong with reading these and thinking, "Well, I don't identify with any of that, but I think I know somebody who does." And that's OK! I would love to use these not just to encourage introverts, but to educate extroverts on how we tick, because sometimes it can be hard to tell.

6 comments:

  1. Good one! I'm tagging some people in this one! Also - yea! I'm in your blog!

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    1. Haha, I heard you yell, "I'M IN HANNAH'S BLOG" from the living room, although I didn't respond. It made me smile.

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  2. Thank you for this! I am told all the time that I'm not introverted because I dont appear shy or because I can speak well in front of people when needed. Neither of those have anything to do with introversion. Thank you for your thoughts. I love it!

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    1. So true. I have plenty of introverted friends who aren't shy or afraid to speak - some of my most introverted friends are wonderful actors. You can tell they're introverted because after they *do* interact with people, however well they do it, they hide out a bunch afterwards. I student taught this past semester and although I'm very comfortable in front of a class and people wouldn't necessarily guess I'm as introverted as I am, whenever I got home I would stay in my room (or a study room at the library if my room had people in it) and not talk to anyone for the rest of the night if I could get away with it.

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  3. this is christian btw. yea I feel that way too. im good with people. they tend to feel at ease around me or they feel like I'm having tons of fun when theres lots of people around. and I do. but I'm so totally drained after a couple hours.my wife got frustrated at me because I had a day, which,i thought was wonderful.it involved me not opening my mouth once and jist driving around by myself.i didn't make decisions or feel like I needed to talk...it was just blissful

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    1. Yeah, you're one of the people I wouldn't have assumed was an introvert, so your input on these is always interesting to read. My favorite introvert days are when I can go to a library and just sit and read for hours in a corner. Preferably with quiet music playing in my headphones so I don't have to listen to any other people in the building.

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