Once upon a time, my siblings and I made up a character called "Baby Wayney." He was an actual baby, I think. But he didn't really have a personality or anything, he just occasionally showed up when we needed a name or a placeholder character for a game we were playing.
Then, once upon another time, we thought it might be fun to come up with as many rhyming phrases as we could. Somehow this morphed into creating a series of children's books, representing it with a rhyming one-sentence pitch. (We tried to roughly keep the meter the same throughout.) Since Baby Wayney was our placeholder name, it only made sense to center this series of kids' books around him as well.
One of us came up with a random sentence, and then we went around the room coming up with as many rhymes as we could. We couldn't reuse the same word, although we could reuse homonyms as long as they had different meanings/spellings (we used both the noun and verb forms of "fries," for example, as well as things like "sighs" and "size").
I was reminded of this the other day and decided I should let you guys read this awesomeness. Here, for your reading amusement, is our list, with the occasional comment.
Baby Wayney and the pigs fall in a cave full of flies
The initial book premise. It's a pretty dumb one to begin with, but our rhyming ones aren't any better. Turns out there are A BILLION rhymes for "flies," though. We thought we'd have to switch out rhymes after about 15 minutes, but we kept going for like an hour and a half.
Baby Wayney and the eagle go soaring across the skies
Baby Wayney and the bees mourn for a flower that dies
Baby Wayney and the detective try to find out who lies
Baby Wayney and James Bond compete to become spies
I would totally reach a children's book about a baby competing with James Bond for superspydom.
Baby Wayney as the panda prances about in disguise
Baby Wayney and his mom juggle after multiple tries
Baby Wayney and the garbage man have too many twisty ties
I have this image of him and a garbage man sitting half-buried in a mound of twisty ties, looking around in despair.
Baby Wayney and his death row friends watch the new guy who fries
Occasionally we got a little morbid.
Baby Wayney at McDonald's says he'd like that with fries
Baby Wayney and the cook patiently watch bread dough rise
Sometimes the stories were... not exactly action-packed.
Baby Wayney and the party guest have the element of surprise
Baby Wayney and the church greeter change their "hellos" into "his"
Baby Wayney and the pigs fall into the cave (reprise)
I had to go back and remember what our first Baby Wayney story was when I wrote this one.
Baby Wayney and the Indian practice their woodpecker cries
Baby Wayney and the tailor find clothes that are just the right size
Baby Wayney asks the babysitter if she would sing lullabies
Baby Wayney and the spider collectively have too many eyes
NOT TOO MANY EYES
Baby Wayney and the pigs go back to their home and their sties
The pigs are fun recurring characters.
Baby Wayney and the caterpillar both want to be butterflies
Baby Wayney and the emo kid yell, "I HATE ALL YOU GUYS!"
Baby Wayney and a bored guy who sits there and mumbles and sighs
Baby Wayney and his sister get trapped in the dryer that dries
To distinguish from all the dryers that bake cookies.
Baby Wayney and the selfish kid learn to compromise
So far, that might be the only one that sounds like an actual children's book.
Baby Wayney tries his best but never will get the prize
And this one teaches an important lesson about... failure and giving up?
Baby Wayney and his friends tearfully say their goodbyes
Baby Wayney and the clown get sick from too many pies
Baby Wayney and the awkward kid face the bully from whom he shies
Baby Wayney and his aerobics class dance to tone up their thighs
Baby Wayney and his aerobics class decide they hate exercise
This is obviously a direct sequel to the one above it.
Baby Wayney and the queen, who suddenly breaks down and cries
I don't know why it has to be the queen, but I guess she's a fun character to include in this series.
Baby Wayney and the psychiatrist learn to hypnotize
Baby Wayney and his friends give you a word from the wise
Baby Wayney is really freaked out that it's time to circumcise
I'm pretty sure this contribution was mine...
Baby Wayney and the villain, who loves to antagonize
Baby Wayney learns from his mother that it's not polite when he pries
Baby Wayney and his friends learn something they didn't realize
Baby Wayney painted a picture, but what does it symbolize?
Baby Wayney and his lit class must read about Catchers in Ryes
Totally appropriate reading material for children.
Baby Wayney talks to his friend about the day's low points and highs
Baby Wayney is going to Africa so it's time to immunize
Baby Wayney poops in the garden to help it to fertilize
Baby Wayney is helpful!
Baby Wayney makes up with someone he used to despise
Baby Wayney and Hugh Laurie learn how to dancercise
Baby Wayney and Hugh Laurie say the creation was Stephen Fry's
These are both references to this sketch.
Baby Wayney and the messy children learn how to organize
Baby Wayney's hypnotic techniques successfully mesmerize
Baby Wayney and ze Russian experiment on little vhite mize
We were clearly running out of ideas at this point.
Baby Wayney tells his teacher he's going to heart dot his I's
This is another one that doesn't seem to have a lot of... plot. It's not even about Baby Wayney ACTUALLY dotting his I's with hearts. It's just about him alerting the teacher.
Baby Wayney and the pirates try not to let the ship capsize
Baby Wayney helps the pirate as he works and he fortifies
Baby Wayney and the pirates win because they keep yelling "Aye!"s
However, we follow up that really-not-exciting book with an awesome pirate trilogy!
Baby Wayney and the sheriff need someone to deputize
Baby Wayney condenses his mess by learning to compartmentalize
Baby Wayney is the ref, so he gets to penalize
Baby Wayney and Eliza Doolittle work hard to chinge 'er wise
Eliza Doolittle, for those who do not know old movies or musicals.
Baby Wayney reveals a strength his toddler stature belies
The first reference to the fact that he might be an actual baby.
Baby Wayney texts back, "You really should capitalize"
He's a bit of a grammar Nazis, it seems.
Baby Wayney and the bugs have finally found pigs to traumatize
You'd think after all he's been through with the pigs, he'd be more sympathetic to them.
Baby Wayney and ALL of his FRIENDS learn to EMPhasize
This one might be my favorite.
Baby Wayney likes his thrillers, romances, fantasies, and sci-fis
Baby Wayney and the cheerleaders jump about to help energize
Baby Wayney calls everyone stupid so he can demoralize
Baby Wayney runs into a problem and decides he must analyze
Baby Wayney has too much ice and so he liquefies
Baby Wayney learns about questions – the whos, whats, whens, wheres, and whys
Baby Wayney likes coffees and teas, especially lattes and chais
Baby Wayney and the preacher go out to evangelize
All right, crew. Do you have any to add to this list? Would you actually read any of them if they existed? Will you buy the entire series if we write these books? :-P
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Monday, February 24, 2014
Friday, July 12, 2013
Some Quotes From My Family
My family is... an interesting one. I love them all dearly, but sometimes they say some bizarre things. And when that happens, we like to record it for posterity. For my final before-I-get-back-to-actual-blogging post, I thought I'd post some of my favorite family quotes from a document I found that was saving quotes from, I believe, 2006. Seth would've been about 5. I would have been about 20.
Seth: I need a napkin.
Mom: How about this one?
Seth: Oh, that's a boring color!
Mom: How about red?
Seth: Okay.
Mom: I'll take the white one, because I'm more boring.
Seth: Yeah, that's true. You are.
(About a family Bible study)
Dad: Every week we'll read a few verses, discuss it, and then decide if we want to move forward.
Mom: And then by the end of the night we'll be all together in a tiny circle.
Bethany: ...Huh?
Mom: If we keep moving forward.
Seth: You're not being fair!
Me: Yes, I am.
Seth: No, you're not!
Me: Yes, I am.
Seth: Well, you're not doing what I want!
Mom: You can whiten your teeth at home.
Nathan: With bleach.
Mom: Uh...
Me: That's not a good idea. That'll...
Mom: Make you killed.
Nathan: Not if you bleach your false teeth.
Bethany: But then when you put them back in your mouth...
Nathan: Well, you can take out your false teeth, bleach them, then get new ones and throw the bleached ones away.
Mom: Yeah, but you already have teeth.
Nathan: Then I can buy false teeth, bleach them, and throw them away.
Bethany: That's like buying a house, painting it, setting it on fire, and buying a new house.
Mom: Yeah, it is.
Seth: I try SO HARD not to go to sleep, but I always do anyway!
Me: Yeah, life's tough.
(Playing Taboo)
Bekah: Uh. It's... uh. It's... it's... it's long. It's... well, wait. No, it's not.
(Reading a Bible verse)
Joel: Why does it say "the heavens"? There's only one Heaven.
Elizabeth: Well, there are two earths, so we say "the earths", we don't say "Earth".
Me: What are you TALKING about?
Seth: Oh, wow, I found a cup with maple syrup in it!
Me: What should we do with it? Should we drink it?
Seth: No, that would be yucky!
Me: Should we make Mom drink it? No, that would still be yucky, right?
Seth: Well, why don't we take the bombs and throw them at the bad guys and the bad guys will explode because of the bombs?
Me: Well . . . we could do that, but we weren't talking about bombs or bad guys. We were talking about maple syrup.
Dad: If you become a triple agent...
Me: Triple agent?
Dad: I mean a secret agent.
Seth: (To Elizabeth, out of the blue) My lady, when will I get another wife?
Mom: (Singing) "Inchworm, inchworm, measuring the marigolds..." That was a Danny Kaye song, when he was playing Hans Christian Andersen.
Dad: Yeah, they were going to record it without the children singing with him, but they didn't want him to have to play Hans Solo.
Me: I think that's Elizabeth's gum.
Mom: Better than Elisabeth Shue! (Laughs heartily)
Bethany: Uh... I don't think anyone's laughing.
Bethany: Why did people decide to make blondes dumb?
Mom: They didn't, God did.
Dad: Oh, man. That was just too good to pass up, wasn't it?
(After watching Hitch)
Dad: That's rather funny, that dance scene at the end with Will Smith and Jennifer Lopez.
Mom: That's not Jennifer Lopez.
Dad: Oh! No wonder I kept thinking, "Boy, that doesn't look like Jennifer Lopez."
Mom: Seth came up to me this morning and said, "Mom, did you know you're bald?" And I said, "Yes, I think someone told me that once."
(For any who are not aware of this, my mom actually is bald. She has alopecia and lost all her hair in her early 20s. None of us in the immediate family have ever known her with hair.)
Micah: Hannah, you know a lot of languages, right?
Me: Well, I know English and Spanish and a little bit of French.
Micah: And you're learning more French every day, right?
Me: Well . . . every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, at least.
Joel: What about Friday?
Me: I don't have class Friday.
Joel: And Saturday and Sunday are your days off.
Micah: Saturday is your day off because it's the Sabbath, and Sunday is your day off because it's the Lord's Day, right?
Me: Uh . . . sure.
Nathan: (Mutters something)
Me: Did you say "I am very understandable"?
Nathan: No, I said "I heard this song on the radio".
Me: I guess you're NOT very understandable.
Nathan: I want to go to McDonald's and get a French fry, the top half of a bun, an ounce of soda, and the back wheel of a Hot Wheels car, and that would be a Slightly Cheerful Meal.
(Estimating when our youth pastor is going to be returning with the youth from some event)
Mom: When PJ says he's going to be back at a certain time, he makes it. If he says he's going to be back at four, he's back at four. If he says he's going to be back at ten, he's back at ten.
Dad: Other times he's not so good with, but four and ten he can manage.
Mom: Oh, hush.
Me: If he says he'll be back at six, he's back at ten.
(About a radio preacher I heard)
Me: So he said that we should just say "I'm struggling in some area" and leave it at that, although if I say that really fast it sounds like I'm saying "I'm struggling in Samaria".
(About a globe)
Seth: Hey, Bethany! This is kinda shaped like the earth!
Elizabeth: Hey, Allie!
Me: "Allie"? Why did you call me that?
Elizabeth: I got confused. It was a mix of Alax and Hannah.
Me: Where'd the "E" sound come from?
Elizabeth: "Elizabeth".
(Playing Catch Phrase)
Me: Okay, it was a song, and a movie. The first word is - okay, when you live in this country, you are...
Mom: Alien! Foreigner!
Me: No, you live IN this country.
Mom: Citizen! American!
Me: And then a dessert that we're going to make four of for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Pie!
Me: Put them together.
Mom: Citizen pie! Citizen pie! Alien pie! Foreigner pie!
Me: *Laughing too hard to respond*
Mom: American pie!
Micah: (To Seth, who was talking in a weird voice) The only thing I want for Christmas from you is for you to stop talking like that.
(Reading the Nativity story together)
Joel: Why did he say "the angel" instead of "Gabriel"?
Dad: I don't know. Maybe Luke just liked the word "angel" so much he used it whenever he could.
Me: "And there was no angel there when Jesus did these miracles."
Seth: I need a napkin.
Mom: How about this one?
Seth: Oh, that's a boring color!
Mom: How about red?
Seth: Okay.
Mom: I'll take the white one, because I'm more boring.
Seth: Yeah, that's true. You are.
(About a family Bible study)
Dad: Every week we'll read a few verses, discuss it, and then decide if we want to move forward.
Mom: And then by the end of the night we'll be all together in a tiny circle.
Bethany: ...Huh?
Mom: If we keep moving forward.
Seth: You're not being fair!
Me: Yes, I am.
Seth: No, you're not!
Me: Yes, I am.
Seth: Well, you're not doing what I want!
Mom: You can whiten your teeth at home.
Nathan: With bleach.
Mom: Uh...
Me: That's not a good idea. That'll...
Mom: Make you killed.
Nathan: Not if you bleach your false teeth.
Bethany: But then when you put them back in your mouth...
Nathan: Well, you can take out your false teeth, bleach them, then get new ones and throw the bleached ones away.
Mom: Yeah, but you already have teeth.
Nathan: Then I can buy false teeth, bleach them, and throw them away.
Bethany: That's like buying a house, painting it, setting it on fire, and buying a new house.
Mom: Yeah, it is.
Seth: I try SO HARD not to go to sleep, but I always do anyway!
Me: Yeah, life's tough.
(Playing Taboo)
Bekah: Uh. It's... uh. It's... it's... it's long. It's... well, wait. No, it's not.
(Reading a Bible verse)
Joel: Why does it say "the heavens"? There's only one Heaven.
Elizabeth: Well, there are two earths, so we say "the earths", we don't say "Earth".
Me: What are you TALKING about?
Seth: Oh, wow, I found a cup with maple syrup in it!
Me: What should we do with it? Should we drink it?
Seth: No, that would be yucky!
Me: Should we make Mom drink it? No, that would still be yucky, right?
Seth: Well, why don't we take the bombs and throw them at the bad guys and the bad guys will explode because of the bombs?
Me: Well . . . we could do that, but we weren't talking about bombs or bad guys. We were talking about maple syrup.
Dad: If you become a triple agent...
Me: Triple agent?
Dad: I mean a secret agent.
Seth: (To Elizabeth, out of the blue) My lady, when will I get another wife?
Mom: (Singing) "Inchworm, inchworm, measuring the marigolds..." That was a Danny Kaye song, when he was playing Hans Christian Andersen.
Dad: Yeah, they were going to record it without the children singing with him, but they didn't want him to have to play Hans Solo.
Me: I think that's Elizabeth's gum.
Mom: Better than Elisabeth Shue! (Laughs heartily)
Bethany: Uh... I don't think anyone's laughing.
Bethany: Why did people decide to make blondes dumb?
Mom: They didn't, God did.
Dad: Oh, man. That was just too good to pass up, wasn't it?
(After watching Hitch)
Dad: That's rather funny, that dance scene at the end with Will Smith and Jennifer Lopez.
Mom: That's not Jennifer Lopez.
Dad: Oh! No wonder I kept thinking, "Boy, that doesn't look like Jennifer Lopez."
Mom: Seth came up to me this morning and said, "Mom, did you know you're bald?" And I said, "Yes, I think someone told me that once."
(For any who are not aware of this, my mom actually is bald. She has alopecia and lost all her hair in her early 20s. None of us in the immediate family have ever known her with hair.)
Micah: Hannah, you know a lot of languages, right?
Me: Well, I know English and Spanish and a little bit of French.
Micah: And you're learning more French every day, right?
Me: Well . . . every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, at least.
Joel: What about Friday?
Me: I don't have class Friday.
Joel: And Saturday and Sunday are your days off.
Micah: Saturday is your day off because it's the Sabbath, and Sunday is your day off because it's the Lord's Day, right?
Me: Uh . . . sure.
Nathan: (Mutters something)
Me: Did you say "I am very understandable"?
Nathan: No, I said "I heard this song on the radio".
Me: I guess you're NOT very understandable.
Nathan: I want to go to McDonald's and get a French fry, the top half of a bun, an ounce of soda, and the back wheel of a Hot Wheels car, and that would be a Slightly Cheerful Meal.
(Estimating when our youth pastor is going to be returning with the youth from some event)
Mom: When PJ says he's going to be back at a certain time, he makes it. If he says he's going to be back at four, he's back at four. If he says he's going to be back at ten, he's back at ten.
Dad: Other times he's not so good with, but four and ten he can manage.
Mom: Oh, hush.
Me: If he says he'll be back at six, he's back at ten.
(About a radio preacher I heard)
Me: So he said that we should just say "I'm struggling in some area" and leave it at that, although if I say that really fast it sounds like I'm saying "I'm struggling in Samaria".
(About a globe)
Seth: Hey, Bethany! This is kinda shaped like the earth!
Elizabeth: Hey, Allie!
Me: "Allie"? Why did you call me that?
Elizabeth: I got confused. It was a mix of Alax and Hannah.
Me: Where'd the "E" sound come from?
Elizabeth: "Elizabeth".
(Playing Catch Phrase)
Me: Okay, it was a song, and a movie. The first word is - okay, when you live in this country, you are...
Mom: Alien! Foreigner!
Me: No, you live IN this country.
Mom: Citizen! American!
Me: And then a dessert that we're going to make four of for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Pie!
Me: Put them together.
Mom: Citizen pie! Citizen pie! Alien pie! Foreigner pie!
Me: *Laughing too hard to respond*
Mom: American pie!
Micah: (To Seth, who was talking in a weird voice) The only thing I want for Christmas from you is for you to stop talking like that.
(Reading the Nativity story together)
Joel: Why did he say "the angel" instead of "Gabriel"?
Dad: I don't know. Maybe Luke just liked the word "angel" so much he used it whenever he could.
Me: "And there was no angel there when Jesus did these miracles."
Monday, May 20, 2013
Posts From the Past: A Conglomeration of Posts About Seth
Originally posted on my Xanga - remember those, guys? - from 2006-2008. Seth would have been like... seven at the oldest, four or five at the youngest. He had gained a reputation with my online friends for being... an entertaining child.
So today Mom was playing with him and asked, "Who are you?"
He responded, "I am Seth M-----. Your son."
Mom: "Yeah? Prove it!"
He looks at her with disdain and says, "Where do you think proof comes from? Everywhere? Well, it doesn't!"
Take that, Mom.
*~*~*
My aunt had posted a blog about some knock-knock joke their adopted daughter had told. She is now... oh, I forget how old. 3 or 4. (Seth said she was 3, but I am not sure if this is true.) They mostly consisted of classic knock knock jokes where she had switched punchlines with another joke, or accidentally told it all backward.
When we told several of these jokes to Seth, he laughed heartily and then said, "That's a common mistake for a three-year-old!"
The expert has spoken.
*~*~*
I hung out with Mom this afternoon as she was working through Seth's reading book with him. They were working on a particular exercise where he was shown a picture of an object, then the last half of the word with the first two letters missing -- all pairs of consonants. (__unk for "skunk," __oon for "spoon," etc.)
He gets to "__uirrel" and figures out that it's "squirrel," so he suggests "SK" or "SC" for the opening letters. Mom says, "Actually, no, this is a tough one. It's SQ."
He gets a look of complete disgust on his face and goes, "WHATEVER!" After a moment, he realizes he's not allowed to say that to Mom, so he goes, "I'm sorry. I meant... THAT'S CRAZY!"
It took a few moments to convince him that "squirrel" does have a Q in it.
He had a massive giggling fit as well when he accidentally said "G" when he meant "R" and ended up trying to make the word "fgog." He laughed about that for about a minute and a half before he finally calmed down. Then, a few exercises later, he piped up: "Remember that time when I said 'fgog' instead of 'frog'?"
*~*~*
We went Christmas shopping today. We went to The Dollar Tree, because when my family buys gifts for each other, this is where we go due to pretty much having no money.
Dad had wandered around with Seth, helping him pick out gifts for all of us. Everyone's gifts had been picked except for Dad's, so I volunteered to help with that present. Wouldn't want Dad to see it.
Seth asks, "What should I get Dad?"
"I don't know," I say. "I know he really loves burnt peanuts. Let's see if there are any in the candy aisle."
We go and, no, there aren't, so I get ready to turn around the next corner and see if there's anything else Dad might like, but Seth is still transfixed by the candy aisle. "Should I get him a ring pop?" he asks solemnly.
"I don't know if Dad likes ring pops."
Seth nods and says, "Well, then I won't. Since we're not sure."
In the next aisle: "Should I get him this?" He holds up a Pirates of the Caribbean night light.
"Seth, that's a night light."
"Oh. Should I get him a flashlight?"
"Let's find something else, okay?"
This happens for another several minutes. Finally Seth comes to the end of an aisle where there are glow sticks and swords that apparently also work like glow sticks. "Should I get Dad a glow sword?" he asks.
I sigh. "Seth, just go ahead and get Dad whatever you want."
He thinks for a moment, then says, "Okay. I'll get the glow sword."
So my father's getting a plastic sword for Christmas. But at least it glows.
*~*~*
Seth is amazing.
He was yelling "NO!" at Nathan, and we told him to stop, and he says, "I was just quoting from Hairspray!" We asked him what part of Hairspray that was in, and he said, "I won't tell you." Mom said, "Then I don't know if I can believe you." He very solemnly responds with, "To believe... or not to believe. That is the question."
You know you have a well-read family when your seven-year-old sibling starts quoting Shakespeare, even if it's slightly skewed.
*~*~*
Seth has been doing some writing lately. I love his plots.
This is one he wrote by dictating to us what he wanted to say. I figured it should be preserved here for posterity.
Axle and Seth
Seth was wandering in a place and a man with boxing gloves jumped off a stone wall and Seth knew that he was one of the dangerous ones. He was about to hit Seth when another guy jumped behind the man with boxing gloves and punched him in the back.
Seth asked, “What is your name?”
And the man said, “My name is Axle. I have come to help you save your uncle. You must follow me and come to my camp. Let’s go. My camp is in the place with the dangerous fog of doom but you should not worry, I have the doom ring which will protect us from the fog.”
Seth said, “How are we going to get there? I heard it is the fifth labyrinth and we are only in the first labyrinth? And the labyrinths take five miles to get to the next? And we are only at the beginning of the first.”
Axle said, “I have the warp ring so we can warp past the other number 2, 3, and 4 right to number 5. This is the warp ring.”
Seth says, “Ooh, cool. It is awesome looking. Why does it show a man’s face?”
Axle said, “I do not know why it has a man’s face on it. But let’s just hold hands so you can warp with me. Now I will blow on it and we will warp. And we have to say which labyrinth we want to go to. Okay, hold my hand. I want to go to labyrinth 5.” Axle blows on the warp ring. There was a big flash of light and they were gone.
They were in the dangerous fog of doom and Axle had the doom ring and they walked for ten minutes and they found the fort and Axle asked Seth if he was good at any weapons. And Seth said, “Yes, I am good at a sword. I defeated the Ice Ghost with it. I might need two, because I think that there is actually quite a lot of danger around here, really strong danger that I would need an extra sword because my first one would probably break.”
“Okay, I have a hundred swords in the sword room. Why don’t we take two extra? Because we’re going to fight the most dangerous enemy around here. The one that rules all the others. I have tons of men in the upstairs cabin.”
And Seth said, “There’s another cabin upstairs?”
And Axle says, “Yes. There is five flights.”
Seth says, “That is unbelievable. How can the inside be five flights taller than the outside?”
“Want us to go and try to defeat the monster now?”
And Seth said, “Okay. I also defeated the highest boss with only one sword.”
“Okay. Let’s run. It’ll take five minutes walking, one minute running. We must get there really fast or else it will just eat that whole place and get much stronger and will just cream us. So we must go now and defeat it as fast as we can.”
“Okay, let’s go!”
They were in a haunted mansion. At least, people thought it was haunted. But it was not haunted at all, except for it did have the enemy to rule them all. They saw it and Axle said to himself, “This will be awesomely hard.” And then Axle jumped up and punched and he tried a superpunch and it just bounced right off. And Seth saw that it was metal, and he saw the weakness, and he said, “Axle! Take out the doom ring! I see in the back that it says the doom ring can turn it into normal skin, and then you will be able to, like, kill it much easier! And I also see that my uncle’s in it!”
“Okay, let’s go and defeat it!”
Axle tossed the doom ring and it hit it right in the face and got stuck in it and the doom ring actually grew really big and turned it all into normal skin, and Seth jumped up and cut it into tiny little pieces and defeated it.
The End
*~*~*
Seth has taken to adding stuff to message he's supposed to deliver.
A few weeks ago, he was supposed to tell me lunch was ready. What he told me: "Lunch is ready. It's chicken salad. Mom says you probably won't like it, but you can try it anyway."
A day or two later, he was supposed to tell me that Mom wanted to know if I wanted to watch a movie with her. What he said: "Mom says she's going to watch a movie and you have to come downstairs now, or else you're going to be in trouble."
And then today, he was again supposed to tell me lunch was ready, and it was pizza. What he said: "Lunch is ready. It's pizza. And pasta. But I don't think we have any sauce."
I guess he doesn't think they're interesting enough on their own.
*~*~*
So today Mom was playing with him and asked, "Who are you?"
He responded, "I am Seth M-----. Your son."
Mom: "Yeah? Prove it!"
He looks at her with disdain and says, "Where do you think proof comes from? Everywhere? Well, it doesn't!"
Take that, Mom.
*~*~*
My aunt had posted a blog about some knock-knock joke their adopted daughter had told. She is now... oh, I forget how old. 3 or 4. (Seth said she was 3, but I am not sure if this is true.) They mostly consisted of classic knock knock jokes where she had switched punchlines with another joke, or accidentally told it all backward.
When we told several of these jokes to Seth, he laughed heartily and then said, "That's a common mistake for a three-year-old!"
The expert has spoken.
*~*~*
I hung out with Mom this afternoon as she was working through Seth's reading book with him. They were working on a particular exercise where he was shown a picture of an object, then the last half of the word with the first two letters missing -- all pairs of consonants. (__unk for "skunk," __oon for "spoon," etc.)
He gets to "__uirrel" and figures out that it's "squirrel," so he suggests "SK" or "SC" for the opening letters. Mom says, "Actually, no, this is a tough one. It's SQ."
He gets a look of complete disgust on his face and goes, "WHATEVER!" After a moment, he realizes he's not allowed to say that to Mom, so he goes, "I'm sorry. I meant... THAT'S CRAZY!"
It took a few moments to convince him that "squirrel" does have a Q in it.
He had a massive giggling fit as well when he accidentally said "G" when he meant "R" and ended up trying to make the word "fgog." He laughed about that for about a minute and a half before he finally calmed down. Then, a few exercises later, he piped up: "Remember that time when I said 'fgog' instead of 'frog'?"
*~*~*
We went Christmas shopping today. We went to The Dollar Tree, because when my family buys gifts for each other, this is where we go due to pretty much having no money.
Dad had wandered around with Seth, helping him pick out gifts for all of us. Everyone's gifts had been picked except for Dad's, so I volunteered to help with that present. Wouldn't want Dad to see it.
Seth asks, "What should I get Dad?"
"I don't know," I say. "I know he really loves burnt peanuts. Let's see if there are any in the candy aisle."
We go and, no, there aren't, so I get ready to turn around the next corner and see if there's anything else Dad might like, but Seth is still transfixed by the candy aisle. "Should I get him a ring pop?" he asks solemnly.
"I don't know if Dad likes ring pops."
Seth nods and says, "Well, then I won't. Since we're not sure."
In the next aisle: "Should I get him this?" He holds up a Pirates of the Caribbean night light.
"Seth, that's a night light."
"Oh. Should I get him a flashlight?"
"Let's find something else, okay?"
This happens for another several minutes. Finally Seth comes to the end of an aisle where there are glow sticks and swords that apparently also work like glow sticks. "Should I get Dad a glow sword?" he asks.
I sigh. "Seth, just go ahead and get Dad whatever you want."
He thinks for a moment, then says, "Okay. I'll get the glow sword."
So my father's getting a plastic sword for Christmas. But at least it glows.
*~*~*
Seth is amazing.
He was yelling "NO!" at Nathan, and we told him to stop, and he says, "I was just quoting from Hairspray!" We asked him what part of Hairspray that was in, and he said, "I won't tell you." Mom said, "Then I don't know if I can believe you." He very solemnly responds with, "To believe... or not to believe. That is the question."
You know you have a well-read family when your seven-year-old sibling starts quoting Shakespeare, even if it's slightly skewed.
*~*~*
Seth has been doing some writing lately. I love his plots.
This is one he wrote by dictating to us what he wanted to say. I figured it should be preserved here for posterity.
Axle and Seth
Seth was wandering in a place and a man with boxing gloves jumped off a stone wall and Seth knew that he was one of the dangerous ones. He was about to hit Seth when another guy jumped behind the man with boxing gloves and punched him in the back.
Seth asked, “What is your name?”
And the man said, “My name is Axle. I have come to help you save your uncle. You must follow me and come to my camp. Let’s go. My camp is in the place with the dangerous fog of doom but you should not worry, I have the doom ring which will protect us from the fog.”
Seth said, “How are we going to get there? I heard it is the fifth labyrinth and we are only in the first labyrinth? And the labyrinths take five miles to get to the next? And we are only at the beginning of the first.”
Axle said, “I have the warp ring so we can warp past the other number 2, 3, and 4 right to number 5. This is the warp ring.”
Seth says, “Ooh, cool. It is awesome looking. Why does it show a man’s face?”
Axle said, “I do not know why it has a man’s face on it. But let’s just hold hands so you can warp with me. Now I will blow on it and we will warp. And we have to say which labyrinth we want to go to. Okay, hold my hand. I want to go to labyrinth 5.” Axle blows on the warp ring. There was a big flash of light and they were gone.
They were in the dangerous fog of doom and Axle had the doom ring and they walked for ten minutes and they found the fort and Axle asked Seth if he was good at any weapons. And Seth said, “Yes, I am good at a sword. I defeated the Ice Ghost with it. I might need two, because I think that there is actually quite a lot of danger around here, really strong danger that I would need an extra sword because my first one would probably break.”
“Okay, I have a hundred swords in the sword room. Why don’t we take two extra? Because we’re going to fight the most dangerous enemy around here. The one that rules all the others. I have tons of men in the upstairs cabin.”
And Seth said, “There’s another cabin upstairs?”
And Axle says, “Yes. There is five flights.”
Seth says, “That is unbelievable. How can the inside be five flights taller than the outside?”
“Want us to go and try to defeat the monster now?”
And Seth said, “Okay. I also defeated the highest boss with only one sword.”
“Okay. Let’s run. It’ll take five minutes walking, one minute running. We must get there really fast or else it will just eat that whole place and get much stronger and will just cream us. So we must go now and defeat it as fast as we can.”
“Okay, let’s go!”
They were in a haunted mansion. At least, people thought it was haunted. But it was not haunted at all, except for it did have the enemy to rule them all. They saw it and Axle said to himself, “This will be awesomely hard.” And then Axle jumped up and punched and he tried a superpunch and it just bounced right off. And Seth saw that it was metal, and he saw the weakness, and he said, “Axle! Take out the doom ring! I see in the back that it says the doom ring can turn it into normal skin, and then you will be able to, like, kill it much easier! And I also see that my uncle’s in it!”
“Okay, let’s go and defeat it!”
Axle tossed the doom ring and it hit it right in the face and got stuck in it and the doom ring actually grew really big and turned it all into normal skin, and Seth jumped up and cut it into tiny little pieces and defeated it.
The End
*~*~*
Seth has taken to adding stuff to message he's supposed to deliver.
A few weeks ago, he was supposed to tell me lunch was ready. What he told me: "Lunch is ready. It's chicken salad. Mom says you probably won't like it, but you can try it anyway."
A day or two later, he was supposed to tell me that Mom wanted to know if I wanted to watch a movie with her. What he said: "Mom says she's going to watch a movie and you have to come downstairs now, or else you're going to be in trouble."
And then today, he was again supposed to tell me lunch was ready, and it was pizza. What he said: "Lunch is ready. It's pizza. And pasta. But I don't think we have any sauce."
I guess he doesn't think they're interesting enough on their own.
*~*~*
Me: Nathan, have you heard of "Sonic: Time Attacked" or something like that?
Nathan: No.
Me: It's a fan-made game. Apparently Dr. Robotnik goes back in time and.... (*my mind blanks out*)
Seth: And you probably see his underwear! Hahahahaha, I'm just kidding!
Where did THAT come from?
Friday, December 23, 2011
Gift Giving
One of my favorite traditions my family has is when we go shopping for Christmas gifts for each other. I have seven younger siblings and we've never had much money, so a tradition we started several years ago was that we kids shop for each other at the local dollar store. That way all the kids can get and give something affordable.
When most of us were actually *little*, it was easy because we were all super excited about the cheap plastic tiaras and generic crime-fighting action figures. Now we're ages 10-25 and it really, *really* does become the thought that counts. People give each other silly or joke gifts because the amount of people who actually seriously want something from the dollar store is getting smaller. (Also, a lot of people give candy. A LOT.) It ends up being much more about the process of gift giving than the actual gifts.
All the children are allowed to pick out their own presents for everyone. This had led to some fantastically strange gifts over the years. One time, one brother bought 3-foot plastic candy canes for every one of us. Another time, my youngest brother (maybe a year old at the time) got dog toys from two of his older brothers. There was the year the dollar store stocked plastic swords that made swishing sounds whenever they moved. We ended up with three of those swords under the tree, all making noise inside their wrapping paper whenever somebody accidentally jostled the pile of presents. My father narrowly escaped getting a Pirates of the Caribbean night light a few years ago, before that brother changed his mind. As I got older and realized there was nothing really left that I actually *wanted* for Christmas, the game became, "What in the world will the little siblings get me this year?" (It might be straws. Apparently the youngest this year was debating buying packages of straws for people.)
Ahem. To my sister Rebekah, if you've randomly decided to read my blog before Christmas, stop reading here, because I'm about to talk about what I got you this year.
So, yeah. My sister Bekah. I had chosen a gift for everyone else and couldn't think of what she might like. I was discussing it in the store with two other siblings and mused out loud, "Does she want..." I trailed off, but was reminded of an inside joke in our family - a home video that shows 3-year-old Bekah alternately speaking to and speaking as her imaginary friends. "Should I sing... Jingle Bells?" she asks, speaking for someone else, and then she switches voices and responds as herself: "Not yet!" I realized that when I said, "Does she want," it was very similar in tone to Bekah's "Should I sing," so I morphed the line into that quote: "Does she want... Jingle Bells?"
"Not yet!" my siblings both responded.
So, you know what? Bekah's getting jingle bells from me this year. Or, well, a doorknob hanger with bells on it. With that quote written on the outside of the wrapping. It is a ridiculous gift, but it's connected to a silly inside joke, and it will hopefully make her laugh. And that's kind of what our Christmases end up being about anyway.
So for those of you celebrating a holiday this month that involves gift giving, I hope you get gifts that make you smile and make you thankful for your loved ones.
When most of us were actually *little*, it was easy because we were all super excited about the cheap plastic tiaras and generic crime-fighting action figures. Now we're ages 10-25 and it really, *really* does become the thought that counts. People give each other silly or joke gifts because the amount of people who actually seriously want something from the dollar store is getting smaller. (Also, a lot of people give candy. A LOT.) It ends up being much more about the process of gift giving than the actual gifts.
All the children are allowed to pick out their own presents for everyone. This had led to some fantastically strange gifts over the years. One time, one brother bought 3-foot plastic candy canes for every one of us. Another time, my youngest brother (maybe a year old at the time) got dog toys from two of his older brothers. There was the year the dollar store stocked plastic swords that made swishing sounds whenever they moved. We ended up with three of those swords under the tree, all making noise inside their wrapping paper whenever somebody accidentally jostled the pile of presents. My father narrowly escaped getting a Pirates of the Caribbean night light a few years ago, before that brother changed his mind. As I got older and realized there was nothing really left that I actually *wanted* for Christmas, the game became, "What in the world will the little siblings get me this year?" (It might be straws. Apparently the youngest this year was debating buying packages of straws for people.)
Ahem. To my sister Rebekah, if you've randomly decided to read my blog before Christmas, stop reading here, because I'm about to talk about what I got you this year.
So, yeah. My sister Bekah. I had chosen a gift for everyone else and couldn't think of what she might like. I was discussing it in the store with two other siblings and mused out loud, "Does she want..." I trailed off, but was reminded of an inside joke in our family - a home video that shows 3-year-old Bekah alternately speaking to and speaking as her imaginary friends. "Should I sing... Jingle Bells?" she asks, speaking for someone else, and then she switches voices and responds as herself: "Not yet!" I realized that when I said, "Does she want," it was very similar in tone to Bekah's "Should I sing," so I morphed the line into that quote: "Does she want... Jingle Bells?"
"Not yet!" my siblings both responded.
So, you know what? Bekah's getting jingle bells from me this year. Or, well, a doorknob hanger with bells on it. With that quote written on the outside of the wrapping. It is a ridiculous gift, but it's connected to a silly inside joke, and it will hopefully make her laugh. And that's kind of what our Christmases end up being about anyway.
So for those of you celebrating a holiday this month that involves gift giving, I hope you get gifts that make you smile and make you thankful for your loved ones.
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