My family is... an interesting one. I love them all dearly, but sometimes they say some bizarre things. And when that happens, we like to record it for posterity. For my final before-I-get-back-to-actual-blogging post, I thought I'd post some of my favorite family quotes from a document I found that was saving quotes from, I believe, 2006. Seth would've been about 5. I would have been about 20.
Seth: I need a napkin.
Mom: How about this one?
Seth: Oh, that's a boring color!
Mom: How about red?
Mom: I'll take the white one, because I'm more boring.
Seth: Yeah, that's true. You are.
(About a family Bible study)
Dad: Every week we'll read a few verses, discuss it, and then decide if we want to move forward.
Mom: And then by the end of the night we'll be all together in a tiny circle.
Mom: If we keep moving forward.
Seth: You're not being fair!
Me: Yes, I am.
Seth: No, you're not!
Me: Yes, I am.
Seth: Well, you're not doing what I want!
Mom: You can whiten your teeth at home.
Nathan: With bleach.
Me: That's not a good idea. That'll...
Mom: Make you killed.
Nathan: Not if you bleach your false teeth.
Bethany: But then when you put them back in your mouth...
Nathan: Well, you can take out your false teeth, bleach them, then get new ones and throw the bleached ones away.
Mom: Yeah, but you already have teeth.
Nathan: Then I can buy false teeth, bleach them, and throw them away.
Bethany: That's like buying a house, painting it, setting it on fire, and buying a new house.
Mom: Yeah, it is.
Seth: I try SO HARD not to go to sleep, but I always do anyway!
Me: Yeah, life's tough.
Bekah: Uh. It's... uh. It's... it's... it's long. It's... well, wait. No, it's not.
(Reading a Bible verse)
Joel: Why does it say "the heavens"? There's only one Heaven.
Elizabeth: Well, there are two earths, so we say "the earths", we don't say "Earth".
Me: What are you TALKING about?
Seth: Oh, wow, I found a cup with maple syrup in it!
Me: What should we do with it? Should we drink it?
Seth: No, that would be yucky!
Me: Should we make Mom drink it? No, that would still be yucky, right?
Seth: Well, why don't we take the bombs and throw them at the bad guys and the bad guys will explode because of the bombs?
Me: Well . . . we could do that, but we weren't talking about bombs or bad guys. We were talking about maple syrup.
Dad: If you become a triple agent...
Me: Triple agent?
Dad: I mean a secret agent.
Seth: (To Elizabeth, out of the blue) My lady, when will I get another wife?
Mom: (Singing) "Inchworm, inchworm, measuring the marigolds..." That was a Danny Kaye song, when he was playing Hans Christian Andersen.
Dad: Yeah, they were going to record it without the children singing with him, but they didn't want him to have to play Hans Solo.
Me: I think that's Elizabeth's gum.
Mom: Better than Elisabeth Shue! (Laughs heartily)
Bethany: Uh... I don't think anyone's laughing.
Bethany: Why did people decide to make blondes dumb?
Mom: They didn't, God did.
Dad: Oh, man. That was just too good to pass up, wasn't it?
(After watching Hitch)
Dad: That's rather funny, that dance scene at the end with Will Smith and Jennifer Lopez.
Mom: That's not Jennifer Lopez.
Dad: Oh! No wonder I kept thinking, "Boy, that doesn't look like Jennifer Lopez."
Mom: Seth came up to me this morning and said, "Mom, did you know you're bald?" And I said, "Yes, I think someone told me that once."
(For any who are not aware of this, my mom actually is bald. She has alopecia and lost all her hair in her early 20s. None of us in the immediate family have ever known her with hair.)
Micah: Hannah, you know a lot of languages, right?
Me: Well, I know English and Spanish and a little bit of French.
Micah: And you're learning more French every day, right?
Me: Well . . . every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, at least.
Joel: What about Friday?
Me: I don't have class Friday.
Joel: And Saturday and Sunday are your days off.
Micah: Saturday is your day off because it's the Sabbath, and Sunday is your day off because it's the Lord's Day, right?
Me: Uh . . . sure.
Nathan: (Mutters something)
Me: Did you say "I am very understandable"?
Nathan: No, I said "I heard this song on the radio".
Me: I guess you're NOT very understandable.
Nathan: I want to go to McDonald's and get a French fry, the top half of a bun, an ounce of soda, and the back wheel of a Hot Wheels car, and that would be a Slightly Cheerful Meal.
(Estimating when our youth pastor is going to be returning with the youth from some event)
Mom: When PJ says he's going to be back at a certain time, he makes it. If he says he's going to be back at four, he's back at four. If he says he's going to be back at ten, he's back at ten.
Dad: Other times he's not so good with, but four and ten he can manage.
Mom: Oh, hush.
Me: If he says he'll be back at six, he's back at ten.
(About a radio preacher I heard)
Me: So he said that we should just say "I'm struggling in some area" and leave it at that, although if I say that really fast it sounds like I'm saying "I'm struggling in Samaria".
(About a globe)
Seth: Hey, Bethany! This is kinda shaped like the earth!
Elizabeth: Hey, Allie!
Me: "Allie"? Why did you call me that?
Elizabeth: I got confused. It was a mix of Alax and Hannah.
Me: Where'd the "E" sound come from?
(Playing Catch Phrase)
Me: Okay, it was a song, and a movie. The first word is - okay, when you live in this country, you are...
Mom: Alien! Foreigner!
Me: No, you live IN this country.
Mom: Citizen! American!
Me: And then a dessert that we're going to make four of for Thanksgiving.
Me: Put them together.
Mom: Citizen pie! Citizen pie! Alien pie! Foreigner pie!
Me: *Laughing too hard to respond*
Mom: American pie!
Micah: (To Seth, who was talking in a weird voice) The only thing I want for Christmas from you is for you to stop talking like that.
(Reading the Nativity story together)
Joel: Why did he say "the angel" instead of "Gabriel"?
Dad: I don't know. Maybe Luke just liked the word "angel" so much he used it whenever he could.
Me: "And there was no angel there when Jesus did these miracles."