Monday, May 20, 2013

Posts From the Past: A Conglomeration of Posts About Seth

Originally posted on my Xanga - remember those, guys? - from 2006-2008. Seth would have been like... seven at the oldest, four or five at the youngest. He had gained a reputation with my online friends for being... an entertaining child.

So today Mom was playing with him and asked, "Who are you?"

He responded, "I am Seth M-----. Your son."

Mom: "Yeah? Prove it!"

He looks at her with disdain and says, "Where do you think proof comes from? Everywhere? Well, it doesn't!"

Take that, Mom.


My aunt had posted a blog about some knock-knock joke their adopted daughter had told. She is now... oh, I forget how old. 3 or 4. (Seth said she was 3, but I am not sure if this is true.) They mostly consisted of classic knock knock jokes where she had switched punchlines with another joke, or accidentally told it all backward.

When we told several of these jokes to Seth, he laughed heartily and then said, "That's a common mistake for a three-year-old!"

The expert has spoken.


I hung out with Mom this afternoon as she was working through Seth's reading book with him. They were working on a particular exercise where he was shown a picture of an object, then the last half of the word with the first two letters missing -- all pairs of consonants. (__unk for "skunk," __oon for "spoon," etc.)

He gets to "__uirrel" and figures out that it's "squirrel," so he suggests "SK" or "SC" for the opening letters. Mom says, "Actually, no, this is a tough one. It's SQ."

He gets a look of complete disgust on his face and goes, "WHATEVER!" After a moment, he realizes he's not allowed to say that to Mom, so he goes, "I'm sorry. I meant... THAT'S CRAZY!"

It took a few moments to convince him that "squirrel" does have a Q in it.

He had a massive giggling fit as well when he accidentally said "G" when he meant "R" and ended up trying to make the word "fgog." He laughed about that for about a minute and a half before he finally calmed down. Then, a few exercises later, he piped up: "Remember that time when I said 'fgog' instead of 'frog'?"


We went Christmas shopping today. We went to The Dollar Tree, because when my family buys gifts for each other, this is where we go due to pretty much having no money.

Dad had wandered around with Seth, helping him pick out gifts for all of us. Everyone's gifts had been picked except for Dad's, so I volunteered to help with that present. Wouldn't want Dad to see it.

Seth asks, "What should I get Dad?"

"I don't know," I say. "I know he really loves burnt peanuts. Let's see if there are any in the candy aisle."

We go and, no, there aren't, so I get ready to turn around the next corner and see if there's anything else Dad might like, but Seth is still transfixed by the candy aisle. "Should I get him a ring pop?" he asks solemnly.

"I don't know if Dad likes ring pops."

Seth nods and says, "Well, then I won't. Since we're not sure."

In the next aisle: "Should I get him this?" He holds up a Pirates of the Caribbean night light.

"Seth, that's a night light."

"Oh. Should I get him a flashlight?"

"Let's find something else, okay?"

This happens for another several minutes. Finally Seth comes to the end of an aisle where there are glow sticks and swords that apparently also work like glow sticks. "Should I get Dad a glow sword?" he asks.

I sigh. "Seth, just go ahead and get Dad whatever you want."

He thinks for a moment, then says, "Okay. I'll get the glow sword."

So my father's getting a plastic sword for Christmas. But at least it glows.


Seth is amazing.

He was yelling "NO!" at Nathan, and we told him to stop, and he says, "I was just quoting from Hairspray!" We asked him what part of Hairspray that was in, and he said, "I won't tell you." Mom said, "Then I don't know if I can  believe you." He very solemnly responds with, "To believe... or not to believe. That is the question."

You know you have a well-read family when your seven-year-old sibling starts quoting Shakespeare, even if it's slightly skewed.


Seth has been doing some writing lately. I love his plots.

This is one he wrote by dictating to us what he wanted to say. I figured it should be preserved here for posterity.

Axle and Seth

        Seth was wandering in a place and a man with boxing gloves jumped off a stone wall and Seth knew that he was one of the dangerous ones.  He was about to hit Seth when another guy jumped behind the man with boxing gloves and punched him in the back.

Seth asked, “What is your name?”

And the man said, “My name is Axle.  I have come to help you save your uncle.  You must follow me and come to my camp.  Let’s go.  My camp is in the place with the dangerous fog of doom but you should not worry, I have the doom ring which will protect us from the fog.”

Seth said, “How are we going to get there?  I heard it is the fifth labyrinth and we are only in the first labyrinth?  And the labyrinths take five miles to get to the next?  And we are only at the beginning of the first.”

Axle said, “I have the warp ring so we can warp past the other number 2, 3, and 4 right to number 5.  This is the warp ring.”

Seth says, “Ooh, cool.  It is awesome looking.  Why does it show a man’s face?”

Axle said, “I do not know why it has a man’s face on it.  But let’s just hold hands so you can warp with me.  Now I will blow on it and we will warp. And we have to say which labyrinth we want to go to.  Okay, hold my hand.  I want to go to labyrinth 5.”  Axle blows on the warp ring.  There was a big flash of light and they were gone.

They were in the dangerous fog of doom and Axle had the doom ring and they walked for ten minutes and they found the fort and Axle asked Seth if he was good at any weapons. And Seth said, “Yes, I am good at a sword. I defeated the Ice Ghost with it. I might need two, because I think that there is actually quite a lot of danger around here, really strong danger that I would need an extra sword because my first one would probably break.”

“Okay, I have a hundred swords in the sword room. Why don’t we take two extra? Because we’re going to fight the most dangerous enemy around here. The one that rules all the others. I have tons of men in the upstairs cabin.”

And Seth said, “There’s another cabin upstairs?”

And Axle says, “Yes. There is five flights.”

Seth says, “That is unbelievable. How can the inside be five flights taller than the outside?”

“Want us to go and try to defeat the monster now?”

And Seth said, “Okay. I also defeated the highest boss with only one sword.”

“Okay. Let’s run. It’ll take five minutes walking, one minute running. We must get there really fast or else it will just eat that whole place and get much stronger and will just cream us. So we must go now and defeat it as fast as we can.”

“Okay, let’s go!”

They were in a haunted mansion. At least, people thought it was haunted. But it was not haunted at all, except for it did have the enemy to rule them all. They saw it and Axle said to himself, “This will be awesomely hard.” And then Axle jumped up and punched and he tried a superpunch and it just bounced right off. And Seth saw that it was metal, and he saw the weakness, and he said, “Axle! Take out the doom ring! I see in the back that it says the doom ring can turn it into normal skin, and then you will be able to, like, kill it much easier! And I also see that my uncle’s in it!”

“Okay, let’s go and defeat it!”

Axle tossed the doom ring and it hit it right in the face and got stuck in it and the doom ring actually grew really big and turned it all into normal skin, and Seth jumped up and cut it into tiny little pieces and defeated it.

The End


Seth has taken to adding stuff to message he's supposed to deliver.

A few weeks ago, he was supposed to tell me lunch was ready. What he told me: "Lunch is ready. It's chicken salad. Mom says you probably won't like it, but you can try it anyway."

A day or two later, he was supposed to tell me that Mom wanted to know if I wanted to watch a movie with her. What he said: "Mom says she's going to watch a movie and you have to come downstairs now, or else you're going to be in trouble."

And then today, he was again supposed to tell me lunch was ready, and it was pizza. What he said: "Lunch is ready. It's pizza. And pasta. But I don't think we have any sauce."

I guess he doesn't think they're interesting enough on their own.


Me: Nathan, have you heard of "Sonic: Time Attacked" or something like that?
Nathan: No.
Me: It's a fan-made game. Apparently Dr. Robotnik goes back in time and.... (*my mind blanks out*)
Seth: And you probably see his underwear! Hahahahaha, I'm just kidding!

Where did THAT come from?

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