Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Top Whatever of 2011: Facebook Statuses

This is my "personal favorites" list, and I was going to narrow this down to 10, but that is so not happening. So I decided to keep pretty much all my first choices, but at least put them all in categories. So these are my favorite 2011 moments of... er, me. Sorry for the narcissism there.

These are all in reverse chronological order. Because that's how I saved them.

Quotes From the Family
Mom: Hey, Kevin, you wouldn't mind going out and getting me a magic pumpkin, would you? (Pause) I mean bacon cheeseburger.

Apparently as soon as I come home, Elizabeth starts saying crazy things. Tonight I said I needed to get my hair cut and she responded, "I need to get my hair... stuffed."
Elizabeth was 16 for most of 2011 and has the tendency to speak without thinking... or having words.

Me: I want string cheese.
Elizabeth: If you want, I can drive to Kroger and get some duct tape.
Me: What? How did you mix those up? Those are not at all the same thing.
Elizabeth: Well, they both have animals in their name.
Me: ....No, they don't.

Elizabeth was trying to remember Leonardo DiCaprio's name. So far, she's given me "Leolalo Lilaplio," "Leonigel," and "Ffffffffffffff."

Playing Celebrity with the family. The clue was "Blake Lewis." Rebekah's clue was, "He won American Idol! He's a rapper!" None of that is true. But somehow someone guessed it.

Elizabeth is leaving for her Honduras missions trip tomorrow. Mom advised her to stash her money in different places. I suggested she put some in her mouth. We then had a much-longer-than-it-should-have-been discussion of the pros and cons of carrying your money in your mouth.

Seth: "We should find a picture of Nathan when he was young, and then Nathan can draw a skull on it!" Uh... sure. Why didn't I think of that?
Seth was 9 and 10 in 2011. He is a very, very odd little boy.

Elizabeth: "What's that word? It's like, 'smockquill.'"
(Turns out the word she was looking for was "redundant.")

Now I know where Elizabeth gets it from when she gets people's names insanely wrong. Today, Mom has referred to Stefano from American Idol as "Sandusky" and "Snognut."

Seth came up to me and said, out of nowhere, "If you want to make fun of me because I'm short, it's OK, because *I* make fun of me because I'm short!" Uh. OK. Good to know.

Quotes From Friends
(About reading Greek plays for theater history.)
Me: We discovered that the strophe means that the Greek chorus chants as it moves from right to left across the stage, while in the antistrophe, they move left to right.
Sentynel: Is a catastrophe what happens when half the chorus is doing a strophe and the other half is doing an antistrophe?

(Listening to Skullcrusher Mountain together as we do homework)
Me: I like this song.
Jacob: Me too. I love it. It's how I want our relationship to be.
I should probably consider that a red flag, huh?

‎Heather: The high next week is going to be 31. THIRTY-ONE.
Me: I am not cool with winter.
Randy: I've been warming up to it.
Heather: It's definitely not giving me the cold shoulder.

Me: Whoa. Guys, I haven't eaten an apple in so long that I forgot they have a core. In my mind, I was going to just eat all the way through this caramel apple.
Heather: Surprise!
Sentynel: Also, turns out you have to peel bananas.
Stupid fruit.

I sent out a slightly melancholy text to some friends asking for happiness in return. Sarah Beck's response:
"Benedict Cumberbatch, Neil Patrick Harris,
Woody Allen movies and I bet you love Paris,
Watching a show about puppets who sing,
These are a few of your favorite things!"
Best. Text. Ever.

Me: I am hiding behind your door RIGHT NOW, ready to jump out and yell at you.
Josh: Which door? Closet or room?
Me: The one you least expect.
Yup. Look for me hiding in your refrigerators, people. It's what I do now.

Paige: I got a Droid, but didn't want it, so I gave it back.
Matt: Was it not the Droid you were looking for?
Hehehe. Slightly nerdy jokes make my night so much better.

I was in tech rehearsal for Guys and Dolls, when this happened.
(In RinkChat)
Me: Three, maybe four more hours of tech.
Heather: THERE ARE ONLY THREE HOURS OF TECH LEFT?! But...there's so much potential, and I'm...I'm so young...a whole career ruined... CIVILIZATION NEEDS TECH! WE CAN FIGHT AIDS! WE CAN LIVE ON MARS!
* Sentynel is attempting to speed-read the entire internet in three hours.

(Talking about friends who like "artsier" movies.)
Me: And by artsier, I mean not-just-rom-com-or-horror-movies.
Heather: Romanian comedies are quite the drag indeed. It's all, oh, haha, the elephant stole your tambourine!

It cracks me up when my roomie talks in her sleep. Usually it's just gibberish, but a minute ago she said, "I can see you chirping through the tongs, Mama Zommy!" What IS she dreaming about?

Me: I'm very self-centered in my conversation topics. People will have a topic going and I'll just be like "HERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT ME NOW."
Heather: LOL, I feel the same way.
Heather: ...do you realize that's exactly what we all just did?

* TalkingDog made up his own zodiac.
TalkingDog: From January: sandwich, ninja, penguin, Hawaii, dalek, koala, stapler, Don LaFontaine, Yoshi, Obi-Wan Kenobi, waffle, and Winnie the Pooh.
* TalkingDog considers this automatically superior to all other zodiacs.
I agree. Forget this I-was-a-Libra-now-I'm-a-Virgo nonsense! I'M AN OBI-WAN KENOBI!

Statuses About Music
I was *sure* I heard the Christian radio station playing these lyrics: "Filling up the skies with headless brains, headless brains." I hoped maybe it was a worship song written by a zombie, but then I realized they were singing "endless praise" and that was a little disappointing.

The Halloween theme is really great and all, but it does create an atmosphere. For example, if you're listening to it on your iPod on your way to class, and a leaf comes out of nowhere and hits you in the back of the head, your mind might freak out and think you've been stabbed.

"Asleep in the Light" was playing on Turntable when I decided I was going to go to sleep after my next song. Unfortunately, I announced that in chat right as Keith Green sang, "Jesus rose from the grave and you can't even get out of bed!" Now I'm feeling guilty. I guess I'll just have to stay up all night. Forever.

Pondering the lyrics for Do You Hear What I Hear? today: "A child, a child, shivers in the cold, let us bring him silver and gold." Talk about an impractical gift. If they can afford silver and gold, can they not afford a blanket?

My iPod just played "Dance, Dance (If You Want To)" and "I Don't Feel Like Dancing" back to back. Awesome.

Looking over my philosophy notes, I just found this: "Weirob's objection: Blue River case. River has same characteristics, but not same water. Pocahontas says you can't step in the same river twice." That's right, I derive my philosophical arguments from Disney lyrics.

Going from "Caramelldansen" to Miriam Stockley's "Perfect Day" on iTunes is like drinking all the coffee ever and then trying to sleep.

Sometimes People Are Stupid
Found on WikiAnswers while searching for a ChaCha answer: "Eminem's IQ is 69%. I know people don't believe me, but it's true." Uh, you're right, I don't believe you. 69% is not anyone's IQ.

‎Someone on Turntable: "I can't even have cereal because I have no clean bowels." Uh. Sorry to hear that.

ChaCha question of the night: "Why was the movie idea of march called idea of match?" The answer I wanted to give: "But... it wasn't."

I was just told about someone calling online friends "imaginary friends." It seems most of my friends are imaginary. How do you all feel about not being real people?

That club ad says, "All the liquor, none of the clothes," but doesn't compare it to anything. Does it really have all the liquor EVER?

This online article is about finding out if your kid has an eating disorder. The picture for this article: A guy who looks about 20 staring mournfully at a stack of sugar cubes. What kind of eating disorder is this? Is he sad because he has to eat them or because he can't? Is this all he gets to eat at college?

Sometimes I Am Stupid
On my birthday...
Last night, Laura spent several minutes wrapping something up while we talked in our room, then she turned to me and said, "I'm not very good at hiding presents... Happy Birthday!" The best part is, it worked anyway because it didn't even *register* in my mind that she might be wrapping a present for me.

Me, just now, mumbling a prayer out loud for a friend: "Dear God, let her see you today. And find you. See you and find you. In that order. Uh. Or not in that order. What? Wow. I'm so tired, God."

Uh. Editing and proofreading is NOT something to be done in the middle of the night. I nearly printed out and handed in an assignment where, instead of writing "storm example," I wrote "snore snore." There's some advice for all you college freshmen out there.

This ChaCha user asked, "Why won't my wifi let me play Halo Reach online" but I thought it said "wife" instead of "wifi" and didn't really know how to answer that.

While singing along to Groovelily this morning, I sang "cayenne pepper" instead of "toilet paper" for some reason. Those really should not be substituted for each other, not in lyrics and DEFINITELY not in real life.

I always have a nagging fear that when I turn in a paper, I've missed stuff that I initially put there as a placeholder, and my prof will end up reading sentences like this: "Even a dark play like yadda yadda, you can find themes such as la ba dee boo." This is why proofreading is important.

I was frustrated and somehow ended up yelling, "AH FLIP POOP ON YOUR HEAD." I don't think I should adopt this as my expletive of choice.

Sometimes TweetDeck remembers the last name you clicked on for an @ reply, even if you clicked on it accidentally. I just almost sent Ryan Seacrest a message telling him I didn't like the movie Cabaret.

I told the Rinkies I was having schoolwork issues because my RA was wreaking havoc with me and messing with my fingers and wrists. I meant my rheumatoid arthritis, but didn't even THINK about how much people would assume I meant my resident advisor...

Two days in a row now I've accidentally ended the Pledge of Allegiance with, "Liberty and justice forever." Guess I'm a bad American.

Sometimes I Am Funny
When Daylight Savings Time switched.
I was going to go to bed at 1:50 last night, but then I watched the latest episode of New Girl instead so I didn't get to bed until 1:15.

This morning in church, our pastor asked at one point, "How strong is your faith?" My mind immediately responded, "As strong as a small pony. That's quite strong, that is."

For the last couple days, any time my littlest siblings ask me what movie or TV show I'm talking about, I say, "The Office." This means they now think The Office regularly features a baby and serial killers, and Jeremy Irons is in it. Someday when they watch the actual show they're going to be so disappointed.

There are still no other Hannah Megills on Facebook. And it is definitely not because I kill, eat, and delete any others who show up.

A sentence in the education journal I'm writing: "One example was the girl who held a 3.89 grade average and then later admitted that her school’s grade point averages went up to 6." It is taking EVERYTHING IN ME to keep from following it up with: "Spinal Tap's go to 11."

I Have Weird Dreams
Last night's dreams: 1) I went to chapel and the speaker's main point was, "There are more turtles in the sea than there are stars in the sky," and 2) HU put up a bronze statue of a sneezing baby and decided that was our new mascot.

I had a dream last night that David Hasselhoff was my father, but I saw him drown Bethany Megill in a swimming pool, so I rode away from him in a stagecoach as fast as I could.

I dreamed I was directing a play starring Lucy and Benedict Cumberbatch. But then Lucy got sick and I had to step in for her, and got to act with Benedict. But then, after the show, I was having a very deep discussion with him about art, and my mom showed up and made my clean my room, which made me super angry and I had like a little kid temper tantrum. Not the way to impress my celebrity boyfriend.

That cupcake was delicious, but I ate it on my bed and now there are sprinkles embedded in my sheets. Tomorrow morning they may be embedded in my arms. I'll look like a creepy kids' TV show host.

People we didn't know at Wal-Mart kept telling Laura and I that they were proud of us for buying a fridge. Eh? Is there a college stereotype we didn't know we were refuting?

At Pizza Hut tonight, we were all discussing movies that scared us. In the middle of this discussion, a girl I didn't know peered in the window at us, creepily grinned and waved, and then disappeared. WHAT.

This package of plastic knives says they're "great for entertaining." Now I want to have a party and just give everyone plastic knives.

Rejected Mao rule: If you play a joker, you have to do the Joker's pencil trick to someone at the table. (Especially helpful if you have too many people playing.)

Reading tomorrow's Religion & Theater play. It joked about misspelling "Klaatu barada nikto"... and then DID misspell it, with only one A in "Klaatu." This bothers me because I. AM. A. NERD.

FlickFights just discussed "the rough Disney time between Lion King and Pixar." I know what they mean, but...the time between 1994 and 1995?

The radio ad said, "We believe in making grocery shopping a social experience." NOOOOOOO! DON'T DO IT! THINK OF THE INTROVERTS!

RinkChat is awesome. Thanks to the good people there, I now know how much weight a 20-year-old guy would lose if he urinated for 30 minutes straight. (To quote Sentynel: "The Internet: answering questions you never knew you wanted to ask, since 1988.")


  1. I lost count of how many times I laughed out loud reading this post. Brilliant stuff!

  2. Thanks, Emil! That's fantastic. Glad you enjoyed it. :)