Saturday, March 10, 2012

My Old List of Bizarre Fake Foods

So I already published a blog today (albeit in a weird font... copying it over from my other blog made it go a li'l crazy and it won't be fixed) but these old Facebook notes came up in an online conversation today and so I figured I'd repost them here so my non-Facebook-using friends can read them as well.

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So when I'm at home and I'm bored, I occasionally do this thing where I pick up a cookbook and combine titles of foods to make new names of foods. I take the first word from the first recipe, the second word from the second, the third from the third, etc., until I run out of words (usually about 3 or 4 in) and then I start a new one.

These were some of the ones I came up with over Thanksgiving break:

Tomato Drop

Three-Step Lettuce
Step one: Plant the lettuce. Step two: Harvest the lettuce. Step three: Eat the lettuce.

Basil Ice Steak

Firecracker Picnic Soup

Old Beef

Watermelon Dog Funnel

Honey-Mustard Green Parfaits
I want no honey mustard in my parfaits. Nor do I want green in them.

Cocoa Beef Frosting

Parmesan Cheddar
So... a bunch of cheese.

Creamy With Squares
This is my personal favorite. What exactly are we eating?
Update from now: Jacob and I had a conversation about this one the other day, and he decided this was Rice Krispie treats dipped in melted marshmallow cream, which sounded absolutely delicious to both of us. We will have to try that sometime.

Bacon-Wrapped Cinnamon

Quick 'n'
'n' what? We'll never know.

Pigs Chicken Mix
I'm not sure if that's a food or an animal.

Snack Oat

Time-Saving Lasagna Bundles

Frozen Cream Cheese
Now that's a cheap snack.

Multigrain Potato

Tangy Bagels Grilled

Moist Vegetable

Chili and Shakes

Heavenly Bean Slices
...How does one slice beans, really?

Countdown Bean Spirals
We're just into making the beans fun new shapes.

Gumdrop Chops

Smothered Wild Supreme
Not sure what it is, but it's smothered, wild, and supreme!

Creamy Muffins Hash

Double Asparagus Casserole

Fried Muffins Mix
I would think that would be just... muffin mix. And then you fry it.

Herb Oat

Beef-Stuffed Ice
This made our family make a lot of "UGGGGGHHH!" noises. The idea of this melting in my drink and leaving little bits of beef floating around in it... not appealing.

Breakfast Cream

Cream-Topped Walnut Brown Sauce Sauce

Crispy Pie Drink

No-Knead Fruit
I think we've been eating our fruit wrong.

Blueberry Seed Pinwheels

Triple Mini Bread
It's little, but there's THREE of it!

Sweetheart Mint Pound

Sausage Sloppy Slaw
Trying saying that three times fast.

Three-Cup Cheese

Curried Tapioca Turnovers
This might have been the least-appetizing of them all.

Eggplant from Stir-Fry

Mushroom Coconut Sandwiches

Sausage in Snack
Like... you just find it in there?

No-Noodle Dog Butter

Cheeseburger Joe Pops
Poor Cheeseburger Joe.

Crazy Butter Roll-Ups

Granola Beef

Special Sauce Kabobs Stick
I'm not sure how sauce kabobs work...

Surprise Caramel
Probably right in there with the sausage in your snack.

Mountainous Tortilla Bundles
That's... a lot of tortillas.

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