Guys guys guys! In 24 hours I will be on a plane that will take me to Jacob Keefer! (Not to an airport. Directly to him. Wherever he happens to be standing at the time, that's where the plane lets me off. It's pretty cool. Hopefully he'll be standing outside, because it would be unfortunate if the plane had to land in a building.)
This is going around on Twitter: "If a girl is silent, it's dangerous. They're either: about to blow up, need a hug, falling apart, crying inside, or all of the above." Uh. That is nonsense. Some of us are just introverted, thank you very much. Stop lying about me, gender stereotyping Twitter accounts!
I checked in at the
My mom left me a voicemail and ended it with, "I had a lovely day! Goodbye!" I now want to end all voicemail messages with tidbits about my life, but more random ones. "I ate spaghetti today!" "I had dreams about ghosts the past two nights!"
My superpower: accidental puns. I was looking for the sugar and when I found it, I said, "Sweet." This is maybe my 8th accidental pun in the last 2 weeks.
Me: (Looking at the reflection in the TV) The letters on your blanket are upside down.
Jacob: That's because it's a reflection.
Me: ...I don't think that's how reflections work.
Jacob: That's because you don't understand time.
Me: I don't think reflections have anything to do with time.
Jacob: That's because you don't understand time!
This is a very confusing argument. I think I lost.
(Incidentally, he started using that as his main argument EVERY TIME he disagreed with me.)
I am so glad nobody's around to watch the dumb stuff I do sometimes. Like prancing over to the microwave chanting, "Let's stir! Let's stir!"
Me: I felt like you were lying. Or hyperbolizing. Hyperbolating? What is the verb for "hyperbole"?
(I WISH IT WAS. But it turns out to be hyperbolizing.)
Jacob: Oh, look, donkeys! Or maybe mules. I can't actually tell the difference between donkeys and mules.
Me: That's OK. That's not one of the skills I require of you, so you don't need to learn.
Jacob: But what if someone else does? YOU'RE SO SELFISH!
I can't believe I didn't think of all the other people who need him to differentiate between mules and donkeys.
"And the piano, it sounds like a carnivore, and the microphone smells like a beard." Those may not be the lyrics Billy Joel meant me to hear.