Monday, January 7, 2013

Best of 2012: Facebook

Figured while I'm still getting back into the swing of things with blogging (this month is turning out to be not any less busy than previous ones, but I'm going to try), I would post a couple of best-of-2012 posts. Today: my Facebook posts that had the most likes/comments/combination thereof, plus the ones that didn't make the cut but that I really liked.

Top 10 of the Year (According to My Friends)

10. A voicemail from Jacob last night, about the name of a road: "It's not spelled like Samson from the Bible, it's spelled with a P." Just as I was snarkily thinking to myself, "Psamson?" he continued, "And I don't mean that it has a silent P at the beginning."
These are the moments when I think, "Yup, we're totally meant to be together."

9. Me: I lost my voice.
Seth: Oh. Did you make a deal with Ursula too?
The answer is yes. Little known fact: I used to be a mermaid.

8. As soon as I plugged in and opened my laptop at the library, the old man near me pointed at it and asked, "What's that?"
Me: "You mean my computer?"
Him: "Oh, it's a computer? It's a... toaster?"
Me: "What?"
Him: "The name on the back."
Me: "Oh. It's a Toshiba. It's a good computer."
Him: "Oh, Toshiba. Toshiiiiiiiba. Tooooshiiiiiibaaaa."
He chanted "Toshiba" for another 30 seconds or so, then got up and left.

7. Guys guys guys! In 24 hours I will be on a plane that will take me to Jacob! (Not to an airport. Directly to him. Wherever he happens to be standing at the time, that's where the plane lets me off. It's pretty cool. Hopefully he'll be standing outside, because it would be unfortunate if the plane had to land in a building.

6. Turns out, if I am left alone for several hours, I start singing everything I'm doing. "I'm gonna put this blind dowwwwwn, so I won't see anything creepy through the windowwwwww..." Apparently I am now Marshall Eriksen.

5. I just bought 26 movies for $28. Win.

4. It has now been six months since Jacob and I made our relationship official (after our two weeks of secret kinda-sorta dating unofficially). SIX MONTHS. Time moves so fast. It's been a wonderful time, filled with prayer walks, silly hypotheticals, encouraging conversations, and a fantastic stuffed animal monster. Now on we go to the next six.

3. Uh. So, I graduate today. WHAT?

2. I love that I am in Texas with my wonderful Internet sister Dani.
I love that this Saturday I get to be there for the start of her happily ever after.
I love that in something like 7 months, I get to make that same commitment with the love of my life.
I love that the boy I'm committing to dyes pies black just because he can and wants to name his puppy Lumpy Space Princess.
I love that I've spent the last 6 months of my life rooming with some of the best people in the world.
I love that I have such wise, supportive parents and such fun siblings.
I think there is no good reason for me to complain about anything right now. It has been a month of thanksgiving indeed.

(Right after my status changed to engaged.)
1. A status to answer all the obligatory questions:
-The proposal - It was actually supposed to happen the next day. Heh. We were going to go into town together and he was going to plan out something cute and romantic, but the night before we had been praying together like we do every night, and when we were done he decided he just couldn't wait any more and proposed right then. I knew it was coming at some point (we'd discussed that last weekend - that "wonderful talk time with Jacob" status from Saturday night was about that) but I definitely didn't expect it then, so it was a wonderful surprise.
-The ring - I have one, I love it, pictures hopefully coming soon.
-The date - Right now we're looking at next summer, but no specific day set yet, so you will all just have to leave every single summer date open until we decide. :-P

My Personal Favorites
(In no particular order)

A friend's FB status asked, "What is the first word that comes to mind when you hear 'springtime'?" I had to be honest and say "Hitler." Now I have that song stuck in my head *and* I sound like a terrible person.

It always throws me off when someone quotes a Bible verse on their Facebook status but doesn't put quotation marks around it. Several of my friends are suddenly telling me that they are my Lord and my God, and it just isn't true.

Random old guy walks into McDonald's.
Him: "Hello."
Me (taking out my earphones): "Uh, hi."
Him: "How are you doing?"
Me: "I'm fine. How are you?"
Him: "Are you married?"
Me: "...No?"
Him: "You might do real good over at the automobile place!"
Me: "...Yeah?"
He walks off.

Joel: You slapped me!
Nathan: You were petting the chocolate. I HAD to slap you!
I have missed my family.

It's just Seth and me hanging out at home tonight. I walked into the living room where he was and yelled, "PARTY TIME, youngest brother!" He solemnly replies, "Well, to start the party, we could both mention some movies we saw recently - it doesn't matter if the other person has seen them or not - and then we talk about them." Yup, he's my brother all right.

I checked in at the Charleston airport, and "Hannah R Megill" has become "Hannahr Megill" on my boarding pass. I am a pirate!

Me: You're my crazy brother. How do you feel about that?
Seth: I don't feel good about it.
Me: You'd rather be the sane one?
Seth: Yes. (A pause, then he suddenly lunges at me, yelling) GRLARLRBREAERADRAR!
Me: ...Well, I think you've just given up any chance of being the sane one.

While I was making my peanut butter sandwich, I accidentally dropped the jar of peanut butter, which landed on my plate and flipped my sandwich into the air. The sandwich then landed perfectly back on the plate. That was kind of awesome.

This is what it looks like when introverts and extroverts fight:
Dave: There sure are a lot of books about introverts.
Randy: Well, what else are they going to do? Go outside?
Ticia: That's because the extroverts don't know how to read.
Ticia: *zing*
Ticia: Just kidding. They just never sit still long enough to write a book.

(During a phone conversation yesterday)
Jacob: I'm cold.
Me: I'm not. I'm warm.
Me: That was a fight. Right there. You might have missed it because it went by so fast.
Jacob: Oh. Well, you won.
And that was enough dramatic conflict for one day.

(In the middle of a phone conversation)
Jacob: Oh, dear. Oh, no. That's not OK.
Me: What's going on?
Jacob: A giant robot came out of nowhere. It is REALLY big. And it is trying to kill me.
Me: ...I assume you're playing some sort of game, but that hasn't actually been stated yet.

Yesterday I learned that with Mobile Email, I can "scan through all emails and only read the ones I want to read." Well, that would be a nice change from the email service I use now, which forcibly opens all my emails for me and refuses to move on until I take a comprehension test to prove I've actually read them. Not a fan.

And this, children, is why you should NOT just click "change" on everything when you spell check a document. I just read a student-written play featuring the inspiring line, "It's going to be okay. Everything is going to be airtight."

Me: (Looking at the reflection in the TV) The letters on your blanket are upside down.
Jacob: That's because it's a reflection.
Me: ...I don't think that's how reflections work.
Jacob: That's because you don't understand time.
Me: I don't think reflections have anything to do with time.
Jacob: That's because you don't understand time!
This is a very confusing argument. I think I lost.
This, btw, has turned into his immediate answer whenever I argue with something he says. "Well, you just think that because you don't understand time."

Sometimes I get something to eat or drink and bring it back to my room while I watch movies, but then I forget about it. Then an hour later, I'm hungry or thirsty and voila! There's already something there. It's like having a butler, but better, because having a bad memory is free!

Some people behind me in the library were speaking something that sounded like Chinese, so I started listening more closely because foreign languages are awesome. Turns out, it was just the most redneck English ever. Talk about disappointing.

Last night's dream: Vince Vaughn was wandering around my house being super annoying and hyperactive, and then he ate like 4 child sedatives shaped like candy. At first I was worried about that, but then I was so annoyed with how rambunctious he was that I just went ahead and fed him more sedatives until he fell asleep on the couch. Yet another reason I should not have children.

This McDonald's bag says, "Wake up to breakfast and the great taste of scratch made biscuits." Uh. If I wake up to the *taste* of something, it means someone is feeding me in my sleep. NOT okay, McDonald's! Stop force feeding me biscuits while I sleep!

I am so glad nobody's around to watch the dumb stuff I do sometimes. Like prancing over to the microwave chanting, "Let's stir! Let's stir!"

So I tried to wash my hair with body wash instead of shampoo. I realized my mistake, rinsed it out, and rewashed my hair with actual shampoo, but since my body wash and shampoo don't match, my hair now has TWO DIFFERENT SMELLS, OH MY. However, this will certainly throw off any vengeful dogs who are tracking my scent to kill me. Win.

CVS has 5 different kind of Snickers bars you can buy. It's like a Snickers bar bar.

Weird date conversation of the night: The implications of being able to reverse time with your mouth. For example, any food you put in your mouth would get younger and younger until it eventually reverted back into its original form. So you'd have to eat fairly quickly if you didn't want your hamburger to turn into wheat and raw cow. (Other things this could impact in a disturbing way: being sick, eating raisins, and sucking your thumb.) I LOVE that I have a boyfriend who will discuss such ridiculous things with me.

"O Princess! Thou art a piteous stranger, and I shall open up thy veins and stick a coconut in 'em while I wait." An example of the stellar poetry quoted at me in a dream last night. This is the only bit I can remember.

Me: I felt like you were lying. Or hyperbolizing. Hyperbolating? What is the verb for "hyperbole"?
Jacob: Hyperbolerbing.
(I WISH IT WAS. But it turns out to be hyperbolizing.)

Twice yesterday I said "funeral" when I meant to say "graduation." Is my subconscious trying to tell me something?

The main guy in Gladiator just bravely and inspirationally said, "Nothing happens to anyone that he is not fitted by nature to bear." That statement is truer but less interesting than what I at first heard: "Nothing happens to anyone that he is not given by the wish of a bear."

I asked ChaCha who invented salsa. They said: "Salsa is not easily defined. Who invented salsa? The Cubans, Puerto Ricans?" They gave me salsa philosophy...

Jacob: Oh, look, donkeys! Or maybe mules. I can't actually tell the difference between donkeys and mules.
Me: That's OK. That's not one of the skills I require of you, so you don't need to learn.
Jacob: But what if someone else does? YOU'RE SO SELFISH!
I can't believe I didn't think of all the other people who need him to differentiate between mules and donkeys.

I walked into the bathroom at work and a guy was in there putting in a new air freshener.
Guy: "You need to wee-wee?"
Me: "Uh, yes. Is that ok?"
Guy: "Just give me a second. Wash your hands or something before you pee-pee."
Me: "Uh... ok."
(I do so.)
Guy: "Make sure and use three towels. You can't be too careful."
Me: "...Ok."
Seriously, is EVERYONE in this state crazy?

Sentynel: My left arm has been aching like I've been lifting heavy things with it for about the last couple of hours.
Sentynel: But I'm not doing anything unusual with it.
Me: Maybe your bones in your left arm have gotten heavier, so moving it at all takes extra effort.
Me: Sometimes that just happens.
Sentynel: I'd just like to note I'm really glad you're a theatre teacher and not, say, a science teacher.

Today Jacob and I discussed what we would do if hummingbirds tried to open up his head and eat his brain bit by bit while he was on the phone with me, so he'd slowly get dumber and dumber as we talked. Other couples talk about these things too, right?

(Playing Last Word. The subject is "Things you fold," the letter is W.)
Elizabeth: Water rags!
Me: ...What's a water rag?
Elizabeth: It's a rag for water.
Me: What do you DO with a water rag?
Rebekah: You fold it!

Some people might assume these two dollar bills I found in the dryer were the result of me forgetting to check my pants pockets before I did my laundry. I choose to believe my dorm appliances are growing money.

I just spoke to a roll of toilet paper and affectionately called it "little buddy." I am clearly not entirely awake yet.

I present a family story from the past, retold in RinkChat and now here:
Once, when I was a very silly young child, I decided to started calling our canner the "hot patch boiling pot." Somehow this caught on. Not only did my siblings all start calling it this, but my parents did too. It was only a few years ago that Bethany found out that that wasn't its real name. I kind of wish she'd never found out, because it would have been hilarious to see her try to purchase one as an adult. "Excuse me, can you tell me where the hot patch boiling pots are?"

I love that if you look closely enough at a sim's computer, they apparently write novels using a spreadsheet program.

I cried all over my phone and needed to clean the screen, so I cleaned it off with a moist tissue... which I moistened with my tears. It worked perfectly. This is revolutionary. If Taylor Swift had only cleaned her guitar with her own tears, there would no longer be teardrops on it and she wouldn't have to write songs about it.

(Sarah had accidentally put her makeup bag away when she wasn't done.)
Me: You can only put on one makeup.
Sarah: No! I want to put on two makeups!
Me: Putting on two makeups makes you a trollop! OK, that's a sentence I'll probably never say again.
(She is now trying to trick me into saying it again. But I won't!)

Sometimes you think you don't have a spoon to eat yogurt with. Then you remember you have a spoon! That, my friends, is the definition of happiness.

Most recent dream: Jacob and I went out on a date, but he invited 6 other people along without telling me. I got *really* mad and yelled at him, "WE ARE NOW ONLY 83% IN A RELATIONSHIP!" (When I told Lisa this dream, she asked, "Is that like in Sims?" It very well might be.)

There was a book in the HU bookstore titled, "When Your Hormones Go Haywire." Turned out to be a menopause book (because that's super applicable to a college campus?) but the best part was I thought it said, "When Your Mormons Go Haywire." Yeah. Gotta watch out for those Mormons. Sometimes they just COMPLETELY LOSE THEIR MINDS. I'm watching you, Jennie and Ticia.

Last night I was eating as I drove home. I saw something bizarre (I don't even remember what) and decided I just HAD to say something snarky out loud to myself. I nearly choked. Moral of the story: Witty remarks can potentially kill you.

I had a dream that I bought 45 movies from a video rental store going out of business. Then I realized: 1) I didn't even like most of these movies, 2) I had paid like $50 a movie, and 3) they were all on VHS, and I don't own a VCR. Dream Hannah does not make wise spending choices.

Ticia: I just got done watching Bleak House. Good show.
Paul: Is that like regular House, but the patient always dies?

LaZorra: Sam, the Human Gungle Jym.
Sentynel: LOL, Gungle Jym.
LaZorra: Gungle, yes. Gungle Jym.
Sam: Jungle gym?
LaZorra: ....
LaZorra: Holy crap, my brain has fallen out.

Today I forgot the past tense of "fight." I tried "fighted" and "fitten" before I remembered.

The other ad in the bank said, "How can I get my banking to go?" My advice: Try dropping subtle hints that you're tired.

Me, telling someone about the last week of work: "Actually, it was good. We were very reproductive. Uh. I mean productive." Those words are not the same.

When my mind can't decide between singing an existent song and one that I made up, apparently this happens: "And I think it's gonna be a long, long time, til touchdown brings me 'round again to find, that's so much mac & cheese."

The song I most consistently identify in less than 2 seconds on Songpop? "Never Gonna Give You Up."

Randy: I'm watching a monk sing Opera
LaZorra: I just glanced at the buffer and saw, "Randy: I'm watching Monk sing Opera."
LaZorra: Not only did I think you meant the Tony Shalhoub character, but the capitalization made me think first of the web browser.
* LaZorra watches House sing Firefox.

Last night one of our training PowerPoints said, "Apologies usually start with 'I'm sorry.'" Is that a South Carolina thing? Because I was always told to start my apologies with "A penny saved is a penny earned."

Last night I dreamed about a poor, poor girl named Sasha Thistle who had a lisp.

I just hit myself in the face trying to cover a sneeze. That's what I get for trying to be polite and hygienic.

"Someday My Prince Will Come" just played on iTunes, and I was once again struck by how silly Snow White is. The dwarfs eagerly request details: "Was he strong and handsome? Was he big and tall?" and Snow White dreamily responds, "There's nobody like him anywhere at all." Sure, because THAT answers their questions.

As soon as my Songs for a Rainy Day album started playing, it started raining harder. When the song stopped, it let up. Do I control the weather with my iPod?

Me: I need to shower RIGHT NOW so I can then go to sleep.

The clock on my iPod says, "9:35 AM today." Well, that's no good. I want to know what time it'll be tomorrow!

Last night I dreamed I was dating a 2-year-old boy named Leonard McKae who worked in construction. *blink* My subconscious is weird and creepy sometimes.

During dinner, Lindsay, Amber and I watched some TV show about gangs. The gang members had terror-inspiring names like Popeye, Skinny Tommy, Frog, Sugar, and Big Scrappy. Do these sound tough to you guys?

I was telling Sam Lade about trying to convince Sarah that all movies ever were based on true events, and some of the justifications I had for this. His response: "You have a gift for coming up with utter bollocks that's more plausible than it really has any right to be." I am going to take that as a compliment.

Character on Daria: Wow, that was quite an onslaught.
Jacob (sadly, to me): I wish he had said "ocelot."
ME TOO. Come to think of it, Daria hardly EVER talks about ocelots. Why do I even watch this show?

I go into RinkChat and the first sentence I see is, "You only have one stomach. You can only be hungry. Cows, on the other hand, having four stomachs, can be hungrii." I love this place.

This website for a YouTube MP3 converter promises, "We literally have a ton of new features coming soon." How are they measuring the *weight* of their features?

There is a jumping spider with jiggling eyes somewhere in my room. I tried to kill it and it ran away. I'm never sleeping again.

That was the first appearance of the terrifying jiggly-eyed spider, but it was not the last:
I was just told in all seriousness that the jiggly-eyed spider was probably my grandparent's ghost checking on me. I admit, that had not crossed my mind.

Thanks to Mom, we now know the jiggly eyed spider, which reappeared today, is probably a "bold face jumping spider." Well, that totally reassures me.

Listening to music, and I heard the lyrics, "I can't wait until they hand me the bullet surprise." My thought process: "Bullet surprise? I don't know what that means. It sounds bad. I don't think I want to be handed one. Wait. I think that might actually have said 'Pulitzer prize.' Never mind."

Today I saw a car with the license plate "SHRD SLD." Shared slide? Shred salad? So hard solid? She rode a sled? Usher ad sold? So many possibilities.

Swype may take me a while to get the hang of, but I'm sure I'll future it out effectually.

Today Erika was telling me about a wrong number text she got from someone who then struck up a conversation with her, clearly looking for his future hottie. However, her text about this to me showed up in 2 parts, and I had forgotten about the first one by the time the second one came along, so suddenly I got a text from her that simply read: "ure hottie." I was flattered, but confused.

Lisa has expressed a wish to eat a billion SpaghettiO's. We have figured out that if she lives to be 100 and eats about 58 cans of SpaghettiO's every day until then, she will make it. So if anyone wants to start donating some so she can accomplish this goal, go for it.

Just read an interview where it mentioned all the training Zac Efron had to do to be able to "pay a Marine." Who knew you needed special training for that? What happens if you do it wrong?

(In the middle of a technical computer conversation I was mostly tuning out.)
Sentynel: I had my system start randomly freezing a while back, until I worked out by chance it was the wifi drivers playing up.
TalkingDog: Wifi drivers should not be allowed to cause freezing.
Me: LOL LOL. OK, my brain is gone.
Me: "Wifi drivers should not be allowed to cause freezing" became interpreted in my mind as "People who drive while using the Internet shouldn't be allow to change the weather and make it cold."
Sentynel: Well, I agree, meddling with the weather like that is just irresponsible.

This morning, one of the people I teach with was talking to the students about a particular note in a song from Into the Woods, and said that Sondheim "literally beats it to death." Sigh.

Sarah and I discovered last night that the most fun phrase to Swype was "malevolent management gentlemen." So, fair warning, that might make its way into every text I send now.

I just got the ChaCha question, "has an anima ever talked". It was listed as being in the "Sex Industry" category. *blink*

Some days, life is all, "Whoo! I wanna be your best friend!" And some days, life is all, "I am going to chop you up into little pieces." And some days, life doesn't say anything but gives you a piece of awesome chocolate cake and then karate chops you in the face, and you're not sure how to feel because hey, chocolate cake is still delicious but now your nose is broken.

The best part of my conversation with Jacob on my way home from work:
Him: Sorry I'm not very engaging right now.
Me: It's OK. I'm already engaged! HA HA HA HA HA! That is the best joke I have ever made.
Him: (Sadly) I know.

My favorite part of today's NaNo: My female lead accuses the male lead of robotically hiding his emotions, and he responds by letting out a screeching howl that sounds like an air raid siren. She asks him what in the world that emotion was an expression of, and this paragraph happens:
"It was a cry of mourning for Rebecca, for I have lost the one I love," he responded. "Have you never heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? That is a very close approximation of what it sounds like."
And THAT, people, is how you reach 50,000 words in the 30 days... you get very comfortable with writing ridiculous things.

(On our way home to South Carolina. Jacob is driving.)
Jacob: My eyes have been popping for FOREVER.
(I give him a look of horror, as eyes are not things that should be popping. Ever.)
Jacob: ...And by eyes, I mean ears.

Just got the following Facebook ad: "Need a Rabbi or Cantor for your interfaith wedding? Our free Jewish Clergy Referral Service can ease your planning stress." Well, that's good. I hadn't even thought about where to find a rabbi. Now that that's covered, I can just worry about the fact that Facebook knew my wedding was interfaith but I didn't. Does this mean Jacob is Jewish and didn't tell me? Or is it interfaith because neither one of us is Jewish but then we have a random rabbi? I have so much more to think about in terms of planning now...

When we were all between 6 and 8 years old, Nathan, Sara, Kyle and I wrote a song called "Baby, Time To Eat Your Hair" about someone who debates eating the hair of people around him but instead decide to eat his own instead. It was HILARIOUS when we were that age. Last night I dreamed that for my birthday, the three of them recorded it and released it as a radio single and it went to #1 on the charts. Dream America has even worse taste in music than real life America.

I had a dream last night that I was taking a chemistry class. The teacher wrote some page numbers on the board, told us to read that section in our textbooks, and write down 11 facts we learned about acids and bases. Problem was, that section of our textbooks was a story about a little girl who had a duck. Not a single mention of acids or bases in it. I wrote down 11 facts I learned about ducks, but the teacher yelled at me and failed me. Six months out of college and I'm STILL having education-based stress dreams...

Favorite call of the night: the woman who kept hearing people talk about a "browser" on her phone and worried it was something dangerous she had to turnoff. When I explained what a browser was, she said, "Oh! Like Facebook!"

Weird autocorrect of the night: "I feel I would have diabetes earlier if I ever wore jewelry." I meant I would have "discovered this," referring to my newly-discovered fidgety habit of putting my engagement ring in my mouth. But apparently my phone thinks wearing jewelry gives you diabetes. You have all been warned.

Facebook ad: "How to get the dream dress and have a wild time shopping for it too. Get the Guide Today!" Really? Is that most brides' biggest regret, that they got the dream dress but the shopping experience was just not wild enough?

1 comment:

  1. I adore your status updates! I bet you could make a killing in the random-occasion-greeting-card racket.