Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Movie Reviews by Jessie (Part 4)

Guys. I am on page 17 of Jessie's ratings-and-reviews section. I thought there were like, 20, 25 pages... but I just looked and there are 60. Now there may be pages coming up where she just rates movies and just reviews them... but it's also possible that we have material for many, many more blog entries.

I had been wishing I had an unlimited supply of Jessie's reviews. Looks like I might be closer than I thought.

On to this week's gems.
Two Brothers - well i mean it was such a classic and about how horrible hunters are.
No, no, you're mixing it up with the actual classic about how horrible hunters are.
Tin Cup - this is a golf movie and i even surprised myself because sports movies are not my thing and i really thought i was going to hate it. well i did not and i thought that you may want to know that it was very good. 
I did want to know that! How thoughtful of you to think of us. What would we have ever done without you?
Open Water - oh my geez!!!!! i love any shark movie and i have no idea why. i just love watching them bu ti know that if anything like this ever happened to me i would pray to god and kiss my butt goodbye. Anyway i really think that this was good and to me the best shark movie is the everlasting shark classic Jaws.
One of my favorite things about Jessie is when she starts on one topic and then suddenly she's talking about a completely different movie and you didn't know she was segueing at all.
The Even Stevens Movie - Ok but I mean I really think that they can do better than this. the acting was good but because of the theme of the movie i do not think that anyone really bought the "boo hoo i am stuck on an island and me and my family are being shunned" story. it is so played out.
Yeah. Um. I'm totally tired of that plotline too. Man. How many movies can I even think of with that story? ...Well, at least one. The Even Stevens Movie, apparently.
In Good Company - This movie was so not what I was expecting. the previews made it out to be really hilarious but i must say that when i put it on the telly and watched it with my family i really and absalutely thought that the directors had let me down. I mean really do not show a good movie in commercials just to build our hopes up and then tear them down when we find out that it really sucks. OH wait they do NOT CARE whether they tear us down once they build us up!!!! i mean sheesh have a heart.
It's almost like those people are trying to make MONEY off their product or something!
Arsenic and Old Lace - The guy is carrying a girl in lace over his shoulder. It doesn't get any more classic than that.
And there you have it, folks.
Around the World in 80 Days - Well this is a first for me i must say. I love traveling movies because I plan to travel alot but this one had a bunch of different countries to tour and I thought that they portrayed the different places quite well. I absalutely loved it and the actors performance was wonderfull. In this version there were some dull parts but i mean overall the whole movie worked out and turned out to be really great.
Wait, so what was the first for her? A movie with a bunch of different countries to tour? A movie that portrayed different places quite well? Just watching this movie at all? Whatever it was, she sure sounded shocked that she was finally doing it.
Frankie & Johnny - I heard that they was a show that they had but i have never confirmed the rumors so if you have any information please do share because it is things like this that tend to make me ponder.
I do not have any information, so Jessie is just going to have to keep pondering.
The Quest - LOOK at that actors name. i am shocked that anyone would give their child such a name that is long. I would like to look into that matter because i am sure that there is a quite intriguing story behind the fact that parents always give their kids names that they will be ridiculed for for the rest of their sad pathetic life.
I'm pretty sure the actor she is referring to here is Jean-Claude Van Damme. This is all she had to say about the movie.
The Poseidon Adventure - As soon as i had rented this movie ithought hat it was so good and such a classic. Ithink that this movie will be just as good, because the boat had tipped and i am sure there is more to the story.
Wait... what?

OK, let's dissect this.

I think that first "this movie" that she rented and magically knew it was good and a classic as soon as she rented it (she didn't even have to watch it first - so convenient!) is the remake of this, which was the 1970s version. That's the second "this movie."

When had the boat tipped?

Was there more to the story?
Twister - AUGH!!!! this movie so totaly blew me away. a little funny funny ha ha HUMOR from me but anyway i loved this movie so much. 
Some deliberate humor from Jessie from this time... although that shout at the beginning definitely didn't sound like a positive sound effect.
Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp's Adventure - STCK TO THE ORIGINALS PEOPLE. i mean seriosly what puppy wants to be king of the junkyard. it is a retorical question so you so do not need to answer it.
But... but I did all this research on puppies and junkyard kings. Now that has to all go to waste.
Risky Business - looks like a total thriller. I LOVE total thrillers because they are so intriguing and tend to always pop up with Tom Cruise who I must say is a FABULOUS actor.
Regular thrillers don't pop up with Tom Cruise quite as much. Good thing we have those total thrillers to fulfill our pop-up Tom Cruise cravings.

(Now my mind is singing, "Tom Cruise has Tom Cruise cravings, just be glad it's him, not you.")
Yours, Mine and Ours - well i watched the new version and it totally rocked. I love DENNIS QUAID. he is such a good actor.
The louder she types his name, the better an actor he is.

I thought that was going to be an adequate snarky comment on that review, but then she continues:
Anyway back to this movie. I think that since the new one was Awesome , why wouldn't thsi one be just as good? Exactly if you can not give me proof with a plausible reason, then you have no arguement as to why my movie rating sucks.
Bringing Up Baby - Well it looks really good. i think that by the cover it will be an early Dirty Dancing. Also
That is... not accurate. Also
Father of the Bride Part II - Steve MArtin gets his credit because he is such a great actor and i mean he is so hilarios. i mean even though he is a little bit on the old side and those were simpler times back then he has adapted quite nicely to the new acting turn of the century but more like decade for us because of all the movies we have out now a days.
We can learn so much from Jessie. Steve Martin comes from simpler times, and a century can be like a decade if you have enough new movies.
Happy Feet - some of these actors/actresses are in other upcoming movies which just further show their success.
Well... good for people who manage to be in other movies. I only see movies when the actors in it are going to be in other movies soon.
Like Mike - OMG. not another orphan movie. i mean was'nt Annie enogh. i have nothing against Annie because i liked the movie quite a bit but i mean come on. can those big-time hollywood directors and writers not come up with anything better because i mean i really think that there are so many better ideas out there but they are never open to the possibilities.
As we have seen before in her review of Meet the Robinsons, Jessie is REALLY impatient with movies that she thinks are trying to be too much like Annie.
Keeping Up With the Steins - I wonder who Daryl Hannah is becaue his name often comes up on this site in quite a few movies.


  1. The Poseidon Adventure review: "Ithink that this movie will be just as good, because the boat had tipped and i am sure there is more to the story."

    It sounds to me as though she expected the remake to be a sequel.

    1. Ohhh, that very well could be it. That would make sense of that review. Good.

  2. I'm pretty sure the actor she is referring to here is Jean-Claude Van Damme. This is all she had to say about the movie.

    Well, I've seen The Quest. It was so horrible I had to go back a week later to see it again. I'm not sure there's anything else she could have said about it, really.