Monday, May 5, 2014

Potential Facebook Statuses (Part 2)

Back in November I posted a blog about using to generate random Facebook statuses for me based on statuses I had actually posted. I've been playing with it again and have decided to share a few of my favorites with you, along with occasional commentary.
Bryce Who uses magic to do illegal things.
This is just me introducing you to one of my friends, I guess.
But then Elvis Presley and Taylor Swift came over to watch Community?
Hey, if Elvis and Taylor are going to visit my house, of course I'm going to make them watch Community. I make everyone watch Community.
Doggone it, dainty veins, why you shouldn't eat my puppy
I shouldn't have to provide a list of reasons why my veins shouldn't eat my puppy.
Writing an article about sensorineural hearing loss doing research for stupid slimy toy, take it
Those two topics are not at all connected, but I guess I'm going to write about them anyway. TAKE IT.
Yesterday, Lumps pooped on our Xbox, which then searched Bing Translate told you can
Thankfully, Puppy has never pooped on our Xbox. And I hope feces-activated search engines never become a thing.
Zombie? New fun week.
I love how casual this one is. "Ah, well, zombies. Another fun week."
I refuse to TALK ABOUT today TOE CRAMPS.
I refuse to allow BluRays on sale, they are kansas. Thanks, Swype.
These two were back-to-back. I refuse a lot of things.
And you fall into a dog.
There's something oddly poetic about this one to me.
I like the screams of 1000 devastated people.
This one is not so poetic.
I like drama, and missed the window.
There is only a narrow window for drama, you see.
Um, I actually ready to sleep tonight and wake up
If I'm ready to sleep and wake up, can't I just stay awake?
Mostly I'm annoyed that BluRay cases are not cheering for anything
Well, that is irritating, but whatcha gonna do about it?
Mom At first we will have $40 I used that helps a group called them over. Anyway. I hate you
What started off as a message to my mother ends on a rather awkward note.
Yesterday, Lumps was threatening to watch one peanut butter sandwich for dinner, Lumps has NO idea
I actually posted this one on Facebook when I found it. I love how scornful I sound. Dumb Puppy and her sandwich-watching ways!
The last 3 hours, with currently 1100 reported in our sink.
...There are 1100 reported hours in our sink?
I'm not going to make an awesome guy.
In fact, I would be a terrible one. Mostly on account of being a woman. Unless I'm talking about actually building one.
OH GOSH THEY definitely played with pins.
I am far too excited about this.
I like 6 forks. Wha?
What kind of madness is this? Liking 6 forks?
Last night's dream Missy Elliott wanted to stop pooping in five days!
Missy Elliott should probably be concerned if she is continually pooping for five days straight.
I like The screams of different types of hearing loss and I say that kind of humor.
There's a whole comedy genre of "screams of different types of hearing loss." That's my kinda comedy.
Go home! Go home! Character 2 and Mamma Mia. I just took a dark turn.
In comparison to that last status, this one isn't actually as dark as I seem to think it is.


  1. "I like the screams of 1000 devastated people." That's probably my favorite. :-)

    1. What can I say? Apparently I'm a terrifying person.

  2. As if a thousand voices suddenly screamed out in devastation, and were suddenly silenced.