So about a month ago I got a free trial snack box from a company that mails you a box of snacks that are organic or non-GMO or gluten free.
When my box arrived, I got all excited, because hey, free food, and Jacob and I planned to try one snack every day and I'd review it on the blog... except it turns out we thought everything in the box was terrible.
So I'm still going to review it, but I'm going to leave the name of the company out. If these sound amazing to you, go ahead and ask me what it was and I'll tell you, but I don't want to give them a bad name just because I have an unsophisticated palate or something.
Our first snack was "cheese straws," which I thought could be interesting, despite a name that sounds like a disgusting fake-cheese snack kids would eat while watching TV. These had real cheddar cheese and a li'l bit of cayenne in them. You could definitely taste the cayenne in the aftertaste, though at first I didn't know it was in there and I thought somehow we just had abnormally spicy cheese. Anyway, these tasted like blander Cheez-Its, and then when you stopped tasting cheese, you started tasting pepper. A weird combination, especially since I don't like Cheez-Its anyway. I think I ate two of them.
Lumps wanted to be in this picture... anyway, day 2 was organic jelly beans. There were about 15 in the bag. The red and orange ones were OK, but the yellow ones were horrifying... and there were like 10 yellow ones. So after discovering that, I ate the rest of the non-yellow ones and threw the bag away.
Day 3 was a cinnamon-and-sugar banana bar with a label almost entirely in Spanish. I had high hopes for this one, but it pretty much tasted like just a squooshed bar of cinnamon and sugar, and that was WEIRD because that doesn't feel like a thing you should be eating...
We received both honey almond butter and chocolate almond butter, and we didn't really know what to do with them, so we ended up spreading them on KFC biscuits. The honey just tasted like gritty nothing, but the chocolate one was OK, if very sweet. Neither one of these were really spreadable; it was like trying to spread... I don't know. Congealed jelly. But I have to assume we were supposed to spread them, because the alternative would be just squirting a packet of almond butter into your mouth. That can't be right.
Oh gosh, the Snapea Crisps. If you've ever wanted to eat Cheetos that taste like peas, well, then, here you go.
The buttery shortbread square didn't necessarily have a lot wrong with it, it just didn't taste like anything. Maybe we should have saved the almond butter and spread it on this. The chocolate almond butter, that is. Spreading flavorless honey almond butter on flavorless shortbread would probably not accomplish much.
And, finally, falafel chips. While the chip texture was more appealing to me than anything we'd had thus far, there's still the problem that it tasted like falafel, which, as we discovered in NYC last year, Jacob and I do not like. If you like falafel, you might like these.
It seems my taste buds have been destroyed by snacking on junk food for 28 years. Thing is, I'm usually OK with healthyish snacks, but these... did not cut it. Maybe I'm stuck snacking on Twinkies forever...