Micro Review: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (2009)

I'm pretty sure there are spoilers in here. So if you haven't seen it, beware.

It weirds me out when so many movie computer programs look DOS-like.

Harriet REALLY looks like a slightly older Dianna Agron.

This guy is significantly creepier than the girl with multiple piercings and an expression of hidden hate.

He's just a reporter, right? Not a detective?

Oh, wow, I look away for a second and she's getting mugged in the subway.

"I can see that you've done your homework." Well, you did give a whole bunch of it to him.

I'm having trouble keeping all the family members straight. I thought Harriet was Henrik's daughter, but she's not.

Ya know, maybe you shouldn't provoke and sexually assault someone with mental problems and a history of violence...

This negative slideshow is kind of eerie, but awesome.

"Is it because of the investigation or because of my sordid family?" Or option #3: he doesn't like you that much.

I hate these movie situations where the corrupt people have ALL the power.

GOOD FOR HER, recording this.

I'm not sure the best answer involved tasering him, though.

Oh, actually, this plan might work. She's a smart chica.

If moderately cruel/ruthless.

...Is sleeping with piercings in comfortable?

Well, now that they've both scared each other waking each other up, I guess they're even.

With Henrik in the hospital, their deadline is possibly more...looming, I guess.

She seems like the kind of person who'd know how to take care of bullet wounds.

Seriously, how can you sleep on that side with so many pieces of metal protruding from your ear?

Wow, this is all very icky. "It's a fantastic moment when they first realize they're not getting away."

This is an unexpectedly happy ending to the story.

Very satisfying! It's hard to imagine a remade version of it... Landed at #543 on FlickChart out of 1472.

Micro Review: The Haunting (1963)

"...crashing against a big tree." Does the size of the tree really make a difference?

Meep! Adult and old Abigail looks like a man. Is that what happens when you grow up in a haunted house?

Is Hill House a farm? What's a farmhand doing there? Will I ever take this movie seriously?

Theodora doesn't get a last name. Sad.

The little girl's name is Dora. I can't help hoping she's the last-nameless Theodora on the board. That'd be awesome.

I want the caretakers to be GHOSTS!

Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead.

Yes, absolutely, BACK UP into the dark.

Yay, Russ Tamblyn!

"Now I know why people scream." Was this something she spent a lot of time pondering?

Whoever's at their door doesn't know how to work a doorknob. They SAID it wasn't locked.

The guys were RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR, and never heard the crazy loud pounding?

He comes here looking for ghosts, sees something rush past his door... and assumes it's a dog? He's a terrible ghost hunter.

I'd quote Blink, but I already did.

"Dizzy like a fox"? Are foxes known for being particularly dizzy?

Oh, now I'm all disoriented because it's spelled "Crain" instead of "Crane" like I thought.

Theo's not responding. My prediction: DEAD.

Man. Theo's kind of a jerk.

I thought I was tingling because I was somehow scared, but turns out my hand just fell asleep.

She's Canadian, apparently. "Haunted hewse"?

The wind sounds like a giant grumbling stomach.

I only have 15 minutes left, but I'm falling asleep again. MUST STAY AWAKE.

Totally not buying her transition to crazy.

That's the most terrifying staircase ever. What is this, a lighthouse?

She can't die, or we won't have a narrator for the last 10 minutes.

Markway jumps back and forth between believing in ghosts and not. He seriously doesn't believe she saw Mrs. Whosis for real?

Well, at least she'll only kill herself smashing into the gate. I was all worried Russ Tamblyn would die too.

It's a rare haunted house movie that only kills off one person out of four...

Well, that was uber silly. Probably important, but mostly ineffective for me. Ended up at 932 on FlickChart.

Micro Review: National Lampoon's Vacation (1983)

I'm assuming when they say Wally World, they're not actually going on vacation to Walmart...

I wish I could play Pac-Man on Mapquest!

If my parents were singing "Jimmy Crack Corn," I'd put on headphones, too...

(To clarify: This is not a reflection my parents' singing, but rather on the song "Jimmy Crack Corn.")

Buttoned or unbuttoned? MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

OH MY GOSH THAT'S BABY JANE KRAKOWSKI

This is like every bad host home story ever.

No good can come of vacationing in a place that can spell neither "camp" nor "comfort."

"Despite all the problems, it really is fun, isn't it?"

"No, but every day brings fresh hope."

Love that.

Car stalker girl is passing illegally...

"A dead person breathed on me!"

I just laughed out loud at tying Aunt Edna to the roof.

Wow. Those are some intense crazy eyes.

That marital spat got settled a lot faster than I would ever have expected in a comedy.

Praying for no vomit-in-the-face jokes. This movie has been above that so far.

I'd be exceptionally nervous about riding rollercoasters when they were doing repairs on some of them...

...It ended up at #551 on FlickChart. Is this a thing now? That that's where my new movies will always land?

Micro Review: Die Hard

My reactions to Die Hard, as tweeted on Twitter account specifically for writing down movie thoughts as I have them. Nobody follows it because liveblogging annoys 99% of the people alive.

What is this lip pursing thing Bruce Willis keeps doing?

"What would I do without you, Paulina?" Maybe you'd learn to say goodbye before you hang up. Darn movie phone etiquette.

Who wants to ride in the FRONT seat of the limo?

I hope Christmas music plays through this whole thing, but I have a feeling it'll come to an end once the actual action starts.

I just realized I've only seen Alan Rickman old(ish) in movies. It's so weird to see him young.

Wow. Baby Alan Rickman REALLY bears a vocal resemblance to Benedict.

This building is gorgeous. It makes me a little sad to see it torn up in action sequences.

It's the Barefoot Avenger!

That's a great villain line. "He didn't see it this way, so he won't be joining us for the rest of his life."

I keep losing track of why he's going where he's trying to go.

Are you even allowed to sing "Let It Snow" in a town where it doesn't snow on Christmas?

"Yippie-ki-yay, Mr. Falcon!" Or "melon farmer." Whichever version you want.

One of those policemen keeps looking like Bill Murray. They called GHOSTBUSTERS!

Yeah, you may wanna run from that giant fireball you just created...

Smarmy American friendliness is not a virtue when dealing with European terrorists. Or, ya know, people in real life.

I'm trying to remember the last movie I saw where the FBI was the good guys...

Oh, SNEAKY of you, Hans! Although it's kind of hard to hide when you have a distinctive Alan Rickmanesque voice...

It's making my feet hurt just watching him try to walk.

It's going to be hard to explain to someone unfamiliar with the situation why that window is covered in bloody footprints.

Even if you're a bad guy, it's freaking scary when your opponent starts laughing for no reason before you kill him.

There is so much blood on both of them, it's like a vampire love scene.

Now will someone please give him some shoes?

Well, that's done. Not bad. Kept my attention pretty well for an action flick. Lands at #551 on FlickChart.