Saturday, February 19, 2011

Micro Review: The Haunting (1963)

"...crashing against a big tree." Does the size of the tree really make a difference?

Meep! Adult and old Abigail looks like a man. Is that what happens when you grow up in a haunted house?

Is Hill House a farm? What's a farmhand doing there? Will I ever take this movie seriously?

Theodora doesn't get a last name. Sad.

The little girl's name is Dora. I can't help hoping she's the last-nameless Theodora on the board. That'd be awesome.

I want the caretakers to be GHOSTS!

Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead.

Yes, absolutely, BACK UP into the dark.

Yay, Russ Tamblyn!

"Now I know why people scream." Was this something she spent a lot of time pondering?

Whoever's at their door doesn't know how to work a doorknob. They SAID it wasn't locked.

The guys were RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR, and never heard the crazy loud pounding?

He comes here looking for ghosts, sees something rush past his door... and assumes it's a dog? He's a terrible ghost hunter.

I'd quote Blink, but I already did.

"Dizzy like a fox"? Are foxes known for being particularly dizzy?

Oh, now I'm all disoriented because it's spelled "Crain" instead of "Crane" like I thought.

Theo's not responding. My prediction: DEAD.

Man. Theo's kind of a jerk.

I thought I was tingling because I was somehow scared, but turns out my hand just fell asleep.

She's Canadian, apparently. "Haunted hewse"?

The wind sounds like a giant grumbling stomach.

I only have 15 minutes left, but I'm falling asleep again. MUST STAY AWAKE.

Totally not buying her transition to crazy.

That's the most terrifying staircase ever. What is this, a lighthouse?

She can't die, or we won't have a narrator for the last 10 minutes.

Markway jumps back and forth between believing in ghosts and not. He seriously doesn't believe she saw Mrs. Whosis for real?

Well, at least she'll only kill herself smashing into the gate. I was all worried Russ Tamblyn would die too.

It's a rare haunted house movie that only kills off one person out of four...

Well, that was uber silly. Probably important, but mostly ineffective for me. Ended up at 932 on FlickChart.

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