How Not To Watch the Oscars

Never watch the Oscars in a room full of chatty people who don't really watch movies. They will spend the entire time:

1) Complaining they don't know what any of these movies are. Why do they keep winning all these awards?

2) Accusing me of Googling the answer to questions like, "Who's that famous actor who's presenting an award whose name the other presenters JUST SAID LIKE FIVE MINUTES AGO?"

3) Talking about whether or not tights are cool.

4) Asking me what is happening. (After Colin Firth wins Best Actor: "So how many awards are left?" "Just one." "Oh, yeah, Best Actor, right?" "Uh, no. They just gave out Best Actor." "That was who that guy was?")

5) Asking if it's over yet.

I'm sure they're very nice people. But I should never watch anything with them again.