This is going to be where I post my thoughts. Thoughts that, for whatever reason, aren't going to end up Facebook. Maybe I'll try condensing serial posts into this. I don't know. I don't even know how often I'll post.
Right now I'm musing on a conversation I had with a friend. This friend believes very strongly in honesty with people when something's bothering them. In my interactions with this friend, I found that she pulled me to talk about things that were bothering me. "It's not good for you to stuff this," she said, "because then it just explodes."
Lately, though, I've been reconsidering.
Stuffing seems to work for me. It never started exploding until I started talking to people about it.
You know how sometimes saying something makes it true? I've found that is definitely the case when I'm mildly annoyed...except saying it not only makes it true, but makes it stronger. So what starts off as "That was an uncomfortable question you asked me, I wish you hadn't done that" turns into "They ALWAYS ask me these STUPID questions and I HATE it" whenever I talk to anyone about it.
Sometimes it really is a better idea for me to just leave it alone, and by the next day I've forgotten I was frustrated with them at all. Now if I'm still annoyed with it the next day, chances are it's not something that's going to just settle down, and I should try to get it settled.
But there's no reason to voice my minor annoyances all the time. There's no reason to call attention to the negative.
Hmm... I actually agree with you when it comes to annoyances. I think it's actually demonstrating love, self control, and patience to "stuff it" or let it slide.
ReplyDeleteI find that the times I need to voice things (even though I WANT to stuff it in) are the times when it's not just something that is annoying me but something that is actually HURTING me. Especially if it is a repetitive thing that person is doing. I feel like when I am annoyed it's MY problem, but when I am hurt... if the person loves me they will probably want to know what they are doing so they can stop. It's like you said... if you're going to forget it the next day then it's not worth confronting. Well, for me, I am likely to forget annoyances but hurt is more likely to remain the next day.