The Quest for Forgiveness: The Most Boring Chapter in the World... Part 1

Last time, Brianna tried to turn herself in and the lawyer who was now a Christian was like, "Well, WE'RE not going to prosecute you," and so she decided to call a press conference.

Everyone's excited about the press conference. It's not right before a concert or anything, so there's no obvious reason she'd be having one.

Gossip was running rampant among the media, many expecting a wedding announcement, or perhaps the release of a new CD or movie deal.

ANOTHER new CD? We haven't even found out yet whether her last one outsold Thriller as everyone was predicting!

Some people predict it's drugs, but then when Lawyer Carol is there, everybody is confused because apparently if Brianna got in trouble with drugs and had possibly broken the law there'd be no reason to have a lawyer there at her press conference.

“I used other names to hide my identity, but it has been in recent months that I discovered my real name is Mandy Dawn Anderson.”

It has JUST clicked for me that she's taken on the last name Anderson not because of when Ethan adopted her but because he's her real dad. Even though I have no idea if legally that would've been her last name, given the weird circumstances of her birth.

She tells her story and this is basically pages and pages of her just regurgitating the entire book right back to us with frequent pauses to say things like "A fresh batch of tears stung her eyes" and "Silence reigned over the anxious crowd." IT IS SO FREAKING BORING, so let me try and pull out some highlights -- anything to get me through this chapter.

Well, for one thing, she makes a brief mention of accusing Ethan of abuse, but then zooms right past it, which is weird because I thought this whole thing was about her making amends for that, but instead she spends a lot more time talking about when she ran away and lived on the streets.

She talks about finding her real parents, confronting her mother's murderers, finding out Ethan was her real dad, and her family trying to hunt her down.

Brianna hesitated for a second, and then pulled back her hair exposing her birthmark. “Only my closest friends knew about this birthmark. No one has ever captured it on film. So... here is your chance. Take pictures if you want. No more secrets!” Some reporters gasped, obviously stunned by the entertainer’s disclosure. Six years, tens of thousands of photos, and it was never detected. Cameras were snapping everywhere. The media would not miss the opportunity to share photos of the mark on the mega star’s forehead, or shoot close-up photos to add interest to the shocking story. What an account it would be!

Guys... THIS is not the most interesting part of the story. No one's going to lead with the headline "Mega Pop Star Has Surprise Birthmark." If they are, they're missing the way better "Mega Pop Star Beats Up Powerful Iraqi Leader" and "Mega Pop Star Lied to Send Her Father to Jail" or ANYTHING ELSE in this story.

Brianna then goes back to talking about putting Ethan in jail after a reporter is like, "Can we go back to that?" Her answer is along the lines of, "Hadonno why I did it. Everybody else had parents." (?)

I know this is the tiniest blog in the world, and I'm sorry, but I've been slogging through like six pages of this with almost nothing to show for it because this chapter is just the most boring of all time. So I think I'm gonna have to give it a break for now.