Movie Reviews by Jessie (Part 7)

I just realized I hadn't written anything in this series since last July... and there are more Jessie reviews to dissect! Sadly, the pool is not infinite, but we should definitely be able to squeeze some more blogs out of them. So let's get going!

Swiss Family Robinson - i still have this movie and i remember i loved it because i always wondered what it would be like to be stranded on an island and this will show me what to do first hand if i ever encount any sord of tradgedy on a boat that they would have to strap me on to because i am afraid of sharks, tsunamis, and also shipwrecks ( i mean look at the TITANIC. ) there is nothin g very wonderful about being in a boat and i think that it is about time people realized that. sheesh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really enjoy when Jessie suddenly discovers she has a vendetta she needs to air. In this case, she's pretty bitter about boats because of the Titanic.

The Phantom of the Opera - surprisingly i loved the newer version of the phantom of the opera and considering that it is based on this movie i think that it will be quite thrilling and just as much as a "omg i can not believe that that just happened ' movie.

This is about the 1989 version, which was the inspiration for the new version, apparently, rather than, say, the 1900s novel we thought the new one was based on. Also, considering they probably have roughly the same plot, is she really going to be astounded by its plot twists the second time around?

L'Auberge Espagnole - well this movie has a franish( french and spanish title mixed) title and that definietly gives it a little bit of cool points.

...Nope. Nope, that's all French. TAKE AWAY THE COOL POINTS!

Air America - well it looks ok but i mean mel gibson is a good actor and i will give him the benefit of the dought but every actor has a movie that blows. anyway they do not really give alot of info on this movie and so i will have to give it a......................

Considering how really really really supportive Jessie usually is of people who have 1) been in movies, and 2) been in movies with other people who have been in movies, this is practically a slap in Mel Gibson's face.

The Muppet Movie - well i mean i used to think that they were real but it is really stupid now to me.

A heartbreaking story about loss of innocence.

Anastasia (1956) - the disney version is s omuch better but when i did some research on anastasia i realized that it did not have very much truth to the real eventsthat happened. this one looks like it would tell facts closer to the real account.

What? Rasputin and his talking white bat didn't really unleash demonic magic on Anastasia and her family? HISTORY IS LAME.

Windtalkers - well nicholas cage is a good actor and i have this mvie but i am not sure what it is about. iam pretty sure that it is a war movie about him going through battle. well it is good and it has a decent amount of fighting in it. also it has a few funny parts in it and what i canremember was really good.

...Was she sleeping during this movie? She seems to be really uncertain about the plot. Even whether it involved war or not.

Picture Perfect - a chick flick and i live for chick flicks i mean what girl does not. well i can think of a few but anyway yea and i must complimate the actors/actresses involved on the cast list.

Complimate away. Jennifer Aniston and Kevin Bacon especially crave complimates.

Cats - well i have heard that it is good but sadly i have yet to experience a musiccal and want my first one to be a romance or comedy so unfort. i have no idea.

She's saving herself for the perfect rom com musical? That's... an unusual goal.

Don Juan DeMarco - well i think that the title is french and if it is i think that it is so interesting. i love anything french or british - i mean so far - anyway it sounds like something you would hear from too british gentlemen talking about how stupid the tourists are. also i love romances and this is french( i think ) so i will give it the benefit of the dought!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111

Oh, I'm sure my British friends can confirm that British gentlemen stand around all day saying French things like, "Tourists! Don Juan DeMarco!"

I also really enjoy the non-connectedness of the thoughts "I love romances and this is French."

Heidi - shirley temple was such a good actress in the OLD DAYS. i do not think that many people give old movies a chance and i love them but i am not sure that this one would be good because i never liked the book HEIDI but i think that she is so adorable when her curls bounce in the air!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mostly just wanted to point out the bit about curls bouncing in the air and make some connection between that and Skye, but I couldn't think of how to phrase it so I gave up and posted this without a coherent joke.

Lassie - well i have heard many good things about this movie and i think it is an OLD family classic but i think i would like it. anyway i think that it is is a sad sord of really family movie so i think that i would like watching it alone or with my family so either way is fine with me.

"This FAMILY movie is for FAMILIES and about FAMILIES! But, whatever, I can watch it alone."

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe - it looks really cartoon like and i am not really into all the animation they think is a good thing they are putting in these movies.

These crazy movie producers, filling up their movies with animation and stuff like that! I mean, really!

Movie Reviews by Jessie (Part 6)

(A quick side note - today my "Introverts and Online Interactions" post is being rerun on my mother's blog, Teaching What Is Good. Wander on over and leave comments so other people think, "Hmm, this person seems to have devoted followers. I should follow their blog too!" Or, well, you don't have to do any of that. But if you haven't read that post, check it out on my mom's blog today!)

I haven't done one of these in awhile. Let's see what else Jessie has to say about film.

Of Mice and Men - i hear that the book is really good and i want to read it and see this movie because i heard about it from LOST the most riveting and thrilling series on t.v. even though they will not be showing a new episode until February 7th and i mean that just totally SUCKS SO BAD.........................................................

I always get all my book and movie recommendations from TV shows.

Fantasia 2000 - music is so the bomb!!!!!

However, she only rated this one 2 1/2 stars, so I feel like music was not quite the bomb enough.

The Pagemaster - i actually saw that and i thought that it was so good and i mean i loved it because imean i love books and i love to read.

I'm not sure what to do with a recommendation like "You will like this movie if you like to read." What if you like to read but hate movies? Will you still like this movie?

Three to Tango - Matthew Perry is such a good actor and i mean i think that this movie is going to be really good and romantic and am totally be into it..................................................................................................

"I think this movie is going to be am totally be into it," huh? I am totally be into Jessie's reviews.

Garfield Holiday Celebrations - HOLIDAYS are totally my thing.

"SO YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM!"

Treasure Planet - ok i guess but i mean yea...................................................

This is some in-depth movie reviewing, right there. She has completely changed my mind about this movie.

Charlotte's Web 2: Wilbur's Great Adventure - the first one was better but i think that that GIRL needs to get an attitude adjustment because it took her long enough to realize that the piig was Wilbur.

That's right. If you don't recognize your pet pig, you need to fix your attitude, missy!

Welcome to the Dollhouse - well

...come to the Dollhouse?

Little Miss Sunshine - well it looks ok but a little too HIPPY for me. I mean look at the car on the cover. For goodness sakes i mean really.

These goshdarn young people with their hippie movies and hippie cars on the cover.

But I'm a Cheerleader - looks so much like a chick flick and i think that since i am a chick that i will like it

Jessie is the person goofing up all the demographics, liking chick flicks just on the basis of being a chick!

Casper's Haunted Christmas - i love any christmas movie and casper is the friendly ghost that everyone loves and i am not saying that all ghosts are mean but i am saying that all of them may not be nice.

Well, I was about to accuse her of buying into that ghost stereotype that all ghosts are mean, because that's just unfair to ghosts, but then she corrected herself, and all was well.

Looney Tunes: Back In Action - WOW and i am not sure in which way i am directing that WOW too?

Neither am I...

Powder - looks good but i think that it will probably have a typical jail story outline. if you can not guess or do not even now what at ypical jail outline is may GOD help you in the long run!!!!

Uh. Did Jessie just curse me?

The Adventures of Robin Hood - well i think that this version is so medieval and that the directors should stick to the story board of all the original classics.

I think she's expressing her approval for this movie, but sometimes it's really hard to tell.

All the Pretty Horses - well i think that most stories either are really dramatic and romantic or always teach a lesson. so i will give this movie a......................................................

I don't even know how to respond to this one. I just... I don't know. Jessie just ran me out of snark.

Movie Reviews by Jessie (Part 5)

All right, Jessie. What do you have to offer us this week?

A Prairie Home Companion - Do you know how many praire movies are out right now. i mean seriously. Honestly i think some people have no taste. i mean i bet there are many good praire movies but i am yet to find them.

I actually don't know how many prairie movies were out at that point. (She wrote this review December 15, 2006.) I'm also not sure you can count A Prairie Home Companion as a prairie movie. It just happens to have that word in the title. It's really about radio and musicians and quirky characters.

My Girl 2 - My girl was so sad and i do not think that i could bear to watch another sad movie like this one. although i think that this movie has definite happy potential.

Just look at the cover! People look happy! That's some definite happy potential right there.

The Little Mermaid II - OMG!!! i think i still have this movie but i mean seriosly i understand that some movies were meant to be made into a sequel but others are not. Although this movie was good, had a good plot, and had good .... i must say that The Little Mermaid was not meant to be turned into a sequel.

I'm a little concerned that not only does Little Mermaid have a sequel, it's actually been turned into a sequel. As in, The Little Mermaid is now a sequel... to itself?

Scooby-Doo 2 - to me i prefer the first one but this one had much better features. first of all i think that since the characters had already played in a movie they did much better in acting

Yup. That was the problem with the first one. The actors just hadn't been in a movie yet. None of them. And as soon as they were in a movie, they learned how acting works. Unless she actually means the characters, that Velma and Shaggy and Fred and Daphne themselves had to improve their acting.

World Trade Center - i still want to see this movie but i think that i will like it because it was sucha tragic event and i live for tragedies111

...*headdesk*

Girls Just Want to Have Fun - this movie was so good and also i loved Sarah Jessica Parker in this movie. is it not funny that you never really realize the GREAT movie s

I certainly have not recognized the GREAT movie Girls Just Want to Have Fun.

The Great Mouse Detective - such a ORIGINAL classic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She's pretty enthusiastic.

Peggy Sue Got Married - well i mean i have always liked older movies just because they are not as complicated as the movies now are.

This is mostly true if you're watching older movies like Peggy Sue Got Married and newer movies like Inception.

The American President - this was on t.v the other night and i thought that i would watch it but i fell asleep and i thought it was going to be good because......

i thought that i would review it but i fell asleep and i thought i was going to have some good opinions because......

You Only Live Twice - well i love the title because it sounds like some qoute

That's why Quantum of Solace didn't do so well. That doesn't sound like some quote at all.

Castle in the Sky - well know if it was inspired bu gullivers travels that is so a different story and i mean seriously.

OK, if anyone can decipher this one, you win.

Hamlet - wow what a classic and i even though i would not know i mean i think that it is. i mean people quote hamlet like macbeth and shakespeare and i mean when people do that it has to be a classic an di mean the really has to be a classic.

1) Jessie admits she has no idea what a classic is. But we've all known that for a long time.

2) Is she saying people quote Hamlet like they quote Macbeth and Shakespeare, or is she suggesting Macbeth and Shakespeare quote Hamlet frequently?

Earth Girls Are Easy - what exactly is that supposed to mean you aliens? not that i am mad or anything but i would really like to know!!!!!!!!

She's rated this movie as not seen and not interested. I looked at the movie synopsis to see if it said anything like "you aliens," but it didn't. Who exactly has she been insulted by?

Garfield as Himself - garfield is the only cat i like and i HATE cats. one time these two cats attacked me when i was like 6 and i was riding my bike. they came and started attacking my tires wheni parked my bike and it scared the hall-i-sin-ky out of me and although people say that they were just kidding and playing around i can never look at a cat the same again. you know why? because they never look at me the same. NOT ONCE> if you only knew how much that hurts. my deep facination for cats has officially been killed and i mean that in the best way possible.

A brief snapshot into Jessie's life.

The Little Vampire - so cute but his perfromance in Stuart Little is so much better and maybe it is just the age difference buti mean well if you actually have rated movies before you should know what i mean. RIGHT?

Why, yes. As someone who has rated movies before, I know exactly what you mean...

The Thing About My Folks - well it is about time i amgetting movies that i can actually relate to. i think thet this will TOTALLY and COMPLETELY be a LOL movie and i think that i would like it alot and that i will watch it again and again and laugh and laugh and YEA SO DO Not Judge me by my coments i am so what you think i am not... a little reverse phscology!!!!!

Well, we've been reverse psychologized, guys. Oh, wait. Reverse "phscologized." That word is hard to pronounce.

Mrs. Henderson Present - THIS LOOKS SO GOOD!!!!!! i mean it actually looks like one of those old widowing mocking egotistical stereotype movies but in a good way.

...I'm not sure I know of the "old widowing mocking egotistical" stereotype. Does that sound like a spam title to anyone else?

Guys, I only made it through like two pages of reviews. There were just so many incredibly bizarre ones in this batch. More for later, I guess!

Movie Reviews by Jessie (Part 4)

Guys. I am on page 17 of Jessie's ratings-and-reviews section. I thought there were like, 20, 25 pages... but I just looked and there are 60. Now there may be pages coming up where she just rates movies and just reviews them... but it's also possible that we have material for many, many more blog entries.

I had been wishing I had an unlimited supply of Jessie's reviews. Looks like I might be closer than I thought.

On to this week's gems.

Two Brothers - well i mean it was such a classic and about how horrible hunters are.

No, no, you're mixing it up with the actual classic about how horrible hunters are.

Tin Cup - this is a golf movie and i even surprised myself because sports movies are not my thing and i really thought i was going to hate it. well i did not and i thought that you may want to know that it was very good. 

I did want to know that! How thoughtful of you to think of us. What would we have ever done without you?

Open Water - oh my geez!!!!! i love any shark movie and i have no idea why. i just love watching them bu ti know that if anything like this ever happened to me i would pray to god and kiss my butt goodbye. Anyway i really think that this was good and to me the best shark movie is the everlasting shark classic Jaws.

One of my favorite things about Jessie is when she starts on one topic and then suddenly she's talking about a completely different movie and you didn't know she was segueing at all.

The Even Stevens Movie - Ok but I mean I really think that they can do better than this. the acting was good but because of the theme of the movie i do not think that anyone really bought the "boo hoo i am stuck on an island and me and my family are being shunned" story. it is so played out.

Yeah. Um. I'm totally tired of that plotline too. Man. How many movies can I even think of with that story? ...Well, at least one. The Even Stevens Movie, apparently.

In Good Company - This movie was so not what I was expecting. the previews made it out to be really hilarious but i must say that when i put it on the telly and watched it with my family i really and absalutely thought that the directors had let me down. I mean really do not show a good movie in commercials just to build our hopes up and then tear them down when we find out that it really sucks. OH wait they do NOT CARE whether they tear us down once they build us up!!!! i mean sheesh have a heart.

It's almost like those people are trying to make MONEY off their product or something!

Arsenic and Old Lace - The guy is carrying a girl in lace over his shoulder. It doesn't get any more classic than that.

And there you have it, folks.

Around the World in 80 Days - Well this is a first for me i must say. I love traveling movies because I plan to travel alot but this one had a bunch of different countries to tour and I thought that they portrayed the different places quite well. I absalutely loved it and the actors performance was wonderfull. In this version there were some dull parts but i mean overall the whole movie worked out and turned out to be really great.

Wait, so what was the first for her? A movie with a bunch of different countries to tour? A movie that portrayed different places quite well? Just watching this movie at all? Whatever it was, she sure sounded shocked that she was finally doing it.

Frankie & Johnny - I heard that they was a show that they had but i have never confirmed the rumors so if you have any information please do share because it is things like this that tend to make me ponder.

I do not have any information, so Jessie is just going to have to keep pondering.

The Quest - LOOK at that actors name. i am shocked that anyone would give their child such a name that is long. I would like to look into that matter because i am sure that there is a quite intriguing story behind the fact that parents always give their kids names that they will be ridiculed for for the rest of their sad pathetic life.

I'm pretty sure the actor she is referring to here is Jean-Claude Van Damme. This is all she had to say about the movie.

The Poseidon Adventure - As soon as i had rented this movie ithought hat it was so good and such a classic. Ithink that this movie will be just as good, because the boat had tipped and i am sure there is more to the story.

Wait... what?

OK, let's dissect this.

I think that first "this movie" that she rented and magically knew it was good and a classic as soon as she rented it (she didn't even have to watch it first - so convenient!) is the remake of this, which was the 1970s version. That's the second "this movie."

When had the boat tipped?

Was there more to the story?

Twister - AUGH!!!! this movie so totaly blew me away. a little funny funny ha ha HUMOR from me but anyway i loved this movie so much. 

Some deliberate humor from Jessie from this time... although that shout at the beginning definitely didn't sound like a positive sound effect.

Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp's Adventure - STCK TO THE ORIGINALS PEOPLE. i mean seriosly what puppy wants to be king of the junkyard. it is a retorical question so you so do not need to answer it.

But... but I did all this research on puppies and junkyard kings. Now that has to all go to waste.

Risky Business - looks like a total thriller. I LOVE total thrillers because they are so intriguing and tend to always pop up with Tom Cruise who I must say is a FABULOUS actor.

Regular thrillers don't pop up with Tom Cruise quite as much. Good thing we have those total thrillers to fulfill our pop-up Tom Cruise cravings.

(Now my mind is singing, "Tom Cruise has Tom Cruise cravings, just be glad it's him, not you.")

Yours, Mine and Ours - well i watched the new version and it totally rocked. I love DENNIS QUAID. he is such a good actor.

The louder she types his name, the better an actor he is.

I thought that was going to be an adequate snarky comment on that review, but then she continues:

Anyway back to this movie. I think that since the new one was Awesome , why wouldn't thsi one be just as good? Exactly if you can not give me proof with a plausible reason, then you have no arguement as to why my movie rating sucks.

*blink*

Bringing Up Baby - Well it looks really good. i think that by the cover it will be an early Dirty Dancing. Also

That is... not accurate. Also

Father of the Bride Part II - Steve MArtin gets his credit because he is such a great actor and i mean he is so hilarios. i mean even though he is a little bit on the old side and those were simpler times back then he has adapted quite nicely to the new acting turn of the century but more like decade for us because of all the movies we have out now a days.

We can learn so much from Jessie. Steve Martin comes from simpler times, and a century can be like a decade if you have enough new movies.

Happy Feet - some of these actors/actresses are in other upcoming movies which just further show their success.

Well... good for people who manage to be in other movies. I only see movies when the actors in it are going to be in other movies soon.

Like Mike - OMG. not another orphan movie. i mean was'nt Annie enogh. i have nothing against Annie because i liked the movie quite a bit but i mean come on. can those big-time hollywood directors and writers not come up with anything better because i mean i really think that there are so many better ideas out there but they are never open to the possibilities.

As we have seen before in her review of Meet the Robinsons, Jessie is REALLY impatient with movies that she thinks are trying to be too much like Annie.

Keeping Up With the Steins - I wonder who Daryl Hannah is becaue his name often comes up on this site in quite a few movies.

*sigh*

Movie Reviews by Jessie (Part 3)

Oh, we still have more Jessie. So much more Jessie.

Good Will Hunting - Matt Damon!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh i am so much more than positive that i have heard this name before. i am sure that he was in a really good moviei saw like earl harbor or something like that. 

Earl Harbor was the less successful sequel, I guess.

Tom and Jerry: The Movie - well i really thought that for a cartoon movie it was quite original and really good. anyway i rreally thought that they had a good plot about the little girl getting stuck with her mean aunt and her dad being away or lost was it? i am not quite sure but once again back to the good plot. 

"Back to the good plot that I can't remember anything about. It was awesome. I wonder what it was."

Little Man Tate - Oh my geez. i am such a fan of Jodie Foster. her performance in all her movies is always riveting and she puts you on the edge of your seat when evr she opens her mouth to say something in most of the suspencing scenes she just happens to always be in. well anyway i think that this movie will be quite good 

do you know what really makes me ponder though. she is such a good actress at acting like a mother i have no dought that she would make an excellant mother off camera. well how come she has NO KIDS. i mean she is pretty and i am sure she could have a commited relationship in a SNAP. so once again i ask why the heck JODIE FOSTER is NOT married and has NO kids. she would be so excellent at being a mother and it makes me so mad to think that she may not ever have the chance. SHE DOESN"T HAVE ANY KIDS DOES SHE? if she does well good for her. i am almost completely sure she does not though.

I really hope she applies this same logic to all actors. To use another Jodie Foster flick for comparison:

"Anthony Hopkins is such a good actor at acting like a serial killer i have no dought that he would make an excellant serial killer off camera. well how come he has NO KILLS. i mean he is famous and i am sure he could lure people into his apartment in a SNAP. so once again i ask why the heck ANTHONY HOPKINS is NOT a serial killer and has killed NO people. he would be so excellent at being a serial killer and it makes me so mad to think that he may not ever have the chance. HE HASN'T KILLED ANY PEOPLE HAS HE? if he has well good for him. i am almost completely sure he has not though."

At First Sight -  i really think that i will be quite fond of this one. i mean look at thecover he is laughing and i love movies that make you laugh and since his actions are helping my opinion i think this movie will be

Sometimes I just stare at the screen and scratch my head when I read Jessie's review. I'm not really sure what else to do.

The Adventures of Huck Finn - i have a new likeness for elijah wood as well because he is doing a program to save the penguins that are effected by oil spills. the only problem i have with that is the fact that he is probably just doing it to get a jumpstart on his acting career even thpugh he totally doesn't need it because he has been in more than 17 movies and he is only what 18 or 19. that it is good to me.

Yeah, that silly Elijah Wood trying to further his acting career by saving the penguins. If I had been in 17 movies, I wouldn't be doing any of that nonsense.

Cheaper by the Dozen (the original version) - i think that i would like this movie in particular because the up to date one was a classic and i have no dought in my mind that this will be any less enjoyable. 

So I was laughing at this first paragraph and the confusing phrasing at the end and the notion that the Steve Martin remake is a classic, and then I read the next section of her review:

i would reccomend either one of the cheaper by the dozen movies to anyone who is a fan of classics and it is a family movie so it is nice to have afamily to watch it with. but you better hurry because there are only a few of them left. sad but sure.

Quick! Go find a family to watch this movie with! They're being killed off one by one! It doesn't need to be your own family or anything. Any family will do. See if you can get them to come out of hiding to watch this movie with you, because, really, you should be watching it with a family.

Gandhi - Oh my gosh . i had to watch this in my social studies class and although i am sure there is a lesson worth knowing i do not know it!!!!!!!!!
this movie was so boring i fell asleep. yeah i did not feel like i was going to fall asleep i actually did. i mean seriously i understand education is education and it is meant to be boring, stupid, useless, and mind boggling but i mean come on can they not spice it up just a bit.
JUST A LITTLE BIT AND MAYBE THEN WE WILL STOP SPITTING IN THE COFFE MUG YOU JUST HAPPEN TO LEAVE OPEN ON YOUR DESK, WHEN YOUR BACK IS TURNED.

OK, it's reviews like this that make me think Jessie might be more part troll than I like to admit. But I'm pretty sure I also know people who think like this in real life. So I'm going to continue to believe she is real.

Meet the Feebles - this movie looks good and i really think that i would enjoy watching it. well What exactly do you think? yes i thought so. well we are not as judged as we thought we are.....now are we.

Well, that'll tell 'em.

On her review of Surviving Christmas, she gives us a lengthy plot synopsis and ends it with this:

it is nothing likw what i can see is flashing through your brain but it is one of the most enjoyable holiday movies that i have ever seen.

"Your puny little brains cannot even begin to comprehend the glory of the magnificent plot!"

Getting Even With Dad - well this is a first i must say. i really thought that my comedy hat was full to the brim and then i could tip it over but i was wrong. 

Is that what one does with hats that are full?

Duma - Oh my Geez. this movie was such a classic i do not even think a laugh is neccesary.

I have this image in my mind of someone watching, say, Some Like it Hot with Jessie, where she constantly reprimands them for laughing. "Oh my geez, Samantha. This movie is a classic. I do not think a laugh is necessary." Or maybe "neccesary." I can't decide whether that should be pronounced "neckesary" or "nechesary."

Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas - i love any chistmas

Jessie's thoughts on Christmas movies, summed up in four words.

The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course - Oh my gosh. this is totally defacing. these people should be ashamed of them selves. You do not put a movie with a guy that just died and was a world renound hero on the site. its MADNESS>

Jessie seems to think that Flixster should have removed the Crocodile Hunter DVDs from their entire database after Irwin's death. Surely that's the best tribute to those who have passed away. Erase their existence from our websites!

Joseph: King of Dreams - I still have this movie because my grandmother says it it is nice to have spirtial movies every day you run out of chocalate. She is so weird sometimes.

Well, at least we know where Jessie gets it from now.

We're still not done, because this section covered a pretty tiny selection of reviews. There were just so many that needed to be quoted. The next one might be the last one (I think we're nearing the end) but I just don't know anymore.

Movie Reviews by Jessie (Part 2)

Let's tackle the second half of Jessie's movie reviews, which, actually... is not the second half of her reviews. I miscounted how many there were, so this is more like the second third of her reviews. So there will be at least one more edition of this, possibly even two if I hit a lot of particularly good ones.

The Number 23 - this looks like it has a good plot but he becomes his worst fear, so i do not thhink i would like it too much considering i am not a real axe murder, kill everyone you know in a really evil way type of movie gal....................

If you don't read all the way to the end, it looks like Jessie is working very hard to convince us she's not really an axe murderer. Perhaps a little too hard...

Lolita - well this is not

Are you sure it isn't?

One Crazy Summer - well this looks interesting but i am a little confused. okay so John Cusack takes his bullying son sailing before or after he meets Demi Moore, Where the heck is nantucket and unless he is going to ove there he is going to deal with the weasely real estate agent.

This was the first part of a long, rambly review about how she couldn't tell what the movie was about. Most importantly, the synopsis never told her where Nantucket is, and she is quite unhappy about that.

Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown - charlie brown i such a classic trilogy. there are about three diferent charlie brown movies just for one holiday and then they just have movies that are about many different situations.

...? What's the trilogy? What are the three movies for one holiday? There were two Christmas movies, but only two...

Fantasia - WOW!!!!!! this is like a disney musical.

It kind of is, huh?

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - i am a fan of the ones before although i think that the people who watch this have no life.

Is she implying she also has no life, or is she saying, "Well, all the ones up until this one are for people who have lives, but THIS one is just for losers"?

Piglet's Big Movie - my ALLTIME favorite character from the trinities of Winnie the Pooh is Eeyore. he is so cute and is so easily pleased and my mom said he reminded her of me but i do expect quite alot from people who have proven they can give more than what is nessecary. i kinda dislike people like that because they are SUCKUPS. any who i L-O-V-E EEYORE!!!!!!!!

She did talk a little bit at the beginning of this review about how she liked Piglet, but what I've pasted here is probably 3/4 of what she wrote. I am a little bit confused about what she thinks about people who have proven they can give more than what is necessary... and how that relates to Eeyore.

Cats Don't Dance - back when i saw this i thought it was great but now i think it is fabulous. 

Well, she's rated it 4 stars now, so apparently "fabulous" = 4 stars, so does "great" equal... higher or lower?

Little Women - i would recommend this movie to anyone who loves classic stories about how people are torn apart by war and poverty but are a family all the way. wow i sound so much like fortune cookie but i am such a big fan of this movie i think i can live with that for now.

What fortune cookies has she been reading?

Hannah and Her Sisters - this....... looks really good. i know someone named hannah and she is one of my very good friends

Well, there you go, everyone reading this blog should also go see it, because my name is Hannah. I even have sisters.

An American in Paris - Oh mygosh. who puts these movies on the site because i would like to tell them they have excellent taste. this is a total classic and i would love it. the only problem i have with this movie is this guy has to decide who he is going to swoon into like falling in love with him? or shall i say swindle, trick and FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She has marked it as "want to see." I'm a little confused as to whether she has actually seen this movie or not. I'm sure if she had seen it, Gene Kelly would have swooned her into falling in love with him.

Devdas - looks an old classic. i am totaally for new things but you can not beat the classics. there is just no way. this looks really good. to me it looks like a murder mystery/ lovey-dovey movie and ihaven't heard of any of the actors/actresses on the casting list but i will give the benefit of the dought because it looks like a total classic. now what did i say i like about classics? oh yea, EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!

A movie she has not seen, from 2002, which she has decided is a classic. And she sure likes her classics.

And let's end with a review that I don't think I can even bring myself to comment on:

The Holiday - OH my Geez. i want to see this movie so bad it is so not even funny. Cameran Diaz has now made it on my "LOvely actors/Actresses" list. KAte Winslet has been in the infamous movie Titanic which automatically puts her on the list. Jude law is a new actor i just found out about but i believe his performances give him a good referance until i can study any other work he has been in. Jack Black is a good actor but i must say that he has been in some of the stupidest movies.

like school of rock. the concept is he teaches a bunch of kids how to have fun. well lets see there are about a billion movies like that so it is so not original and although he played the character right i believe that that movie was not his best. I will not even get started on his movie Nacho Libre. All i can say is that when i saw what little i walked in on( i went to check on my brother and sister who wanted to see it) i was asked to leave the theatre and almost escorted out of the theatre!!!!!!!!

Movie Reviews by Jessie

One of the movie websites I frequented most in high school was Flixster. (I still use it some now, although much less than I used to.) It let you write movie reviews and rate the flicks you've seen, and encourages social interaction with other users on the site.

Then, one day, I discovered Jessie. She was clearly one of Flixster's younger users, although I never quite figured out quite how young. She had an iffy grasp on English spelling and grammar, as well as a habit of reviewing movies she'd never seen... but she certainly had plenty of opinions. I shared her profile with a group of my good online friends, and we loved reading the many mini-reviews she wrote and giggling about them. Her profile's still up on Flixster, so I figured I'd share a few of my favorites.

If Jessie ever somehow finds this blog, may I say to her: I'm sure you've grown up into a wonderful person. Hopefully you've kept your love of movies and continued to articulate what you loved about them. Just also know you once brought great joy to a snarky group of people. :-)

On to the reviews.

Cold Mountain - i watched this movie but i did not think that it was as good as it could have been. i think that if i gave it potential it did not reach it. well anyway the acting was great but i thought that the plot was poorly portrayed.

I didn't realize that I was the one handing out potential to movies.

The Perfect Holiday - well i love the holidays and holiday movies. I think iwould like this movie because i just would.

Good enough reason for me.

The Librarian: Return to King Solomon's Mines - I loved this movie so much. I think these riveting stories are so interesting and i truly enjoy the wonder and mystery of a libraian on the search for a great mystery

Well, who doesn't enjoy the mystery of a librarian looking for a mystery?

Little Mermaid 3 - great classic disney movie snd just as the two before it a total classic with an awesome story line and meaning. such an exquisite tale of love in a form people of all ages an understand. one of my favorites.

One of the most entertaining things about Jessie is her loose grasp of the word "classic." She applies to just about everything.

Live Free or Die Hard - I saw the last half of this and i am dying to see the whole movie through. [...] I reccomend this movie for any thriller movie seekers because i left the theatre satisfies with what i saw, all wuestions answered and a smile on my face. WATCH IT. 

She only watched the last half of the movie but all her questions were answered? Were those questions like, "What happened in the first half of the movie?"

1408 - a bit scary but i'll bite,

This review wouldn't be that confusing except for the fact that she ranked it half a star, while the review sounds like a fairly positive review of a movie she hasn't actually seen yet.

License to Wed - I am such a comedy person and i would appreciate a funny film like this. First of all Mandy Moore and Robin Williams have played in some of the best movies i have ever seen. Anyone in movies with them must be talented and i think i would enjoy it immensley. LOOKS HILARIOUS>

I don't even know where to begin with this one.
Apparently "comedy people" are the only ones able to appreciate funny films.
I'll grant you that Robin Williams has been in some pretty great movies. But I have a terrible feeling she's basing her love of Mandy Moore off of A Walk to Remember.
Also, did you know that anyone who is in movies with talented people is also talented? Because sometimes those talented people sneeze on the non-talented people and they catch the talent.

Transformers - Anyway i would like to see how the cars actually transform since i could never figure it out.

This is just a portion of the review, but I like the idea of her sitting, puzzled in her room, thinking, "How do cars turn into robots? I just can't figure it out! If only there was a movie to show me!"

Stardust - Now this movie looks intersting but i am also not into the whole fantasy thing so once again not sure if i would like it. I know i want to see it but i am not sure if it is worth it. Although i have heard extremely good things so i think i could find pure satisfaction by watching this thriller.

Did she just change her mind halfway through her review?

Hairspray - Well now i am not sure if i want to see this. i would have to see the first version of the movie first to make a biased decision. 

And we all need to make sure our decisions are as biased as possible.

Spider-Man 3 - I went and saw this movie te day after it came out!!!! It was so popular we got some of the last 20 tickets left in the county!!!! The movie was so good.... I think it was the best of all. it had a really good plot, it had its moments, good and bad, i really think that the thirs movies are the best of theother two. This movie was the best Spider-MAn and i highly reccomend it to anyone looking foward to a good plot, great action, expertly crafted moments and THE BEST MOVIE IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This one is most fun if you read it out loud.

Man on the Moon - Jim Carrey is so funny and i believe that the description they give of the movie, shows the sheer hularity the film with probably show. I mean he plays a character that is dead and i coud not read the rest but i think he will make the character very witty and funny!

The sentence "Jim Carrey plays a character that is dead" does tend to convey sheer "hularity." What more do you even need to read?

Miracle on 34th Street - Also Elizabeth perkins was in Matilda and Mrs.Doughtfire when she was onle 10 and 3!!!!!!!!!!!! She is an amazing actress but i have not seen much of her lately.

Maybe because you're looking for Elizabeth Perkins rather than Mara Wilson?

Meet the Robinsons - My little sister wants to see this movie but i do not think it looks very good. It is kind of like another version of Annie but with a guy who travels in the future, while Annie just goes somewhere else. The two movies have the same concept though and i think that is cantradicting the old version. Anyway the only good thing i have to say is that it looks funnier than Annie but in a big way, much much stupider!

Jessie also has some interesting ideas about remakes and sequels. Sometimes she states vehemently that she hates them, sometimes she proclaims them to be the best thing ever because she just can't get enough of them. And sometimes she decides things are remakes that have nothing to do with each other and then complains about them contradicting each other.

Babe: Pig in the City - i am not a real country gal so i was not too intersting in it but i must say it was a generally better movie than i thought it would be. the little pig travels to the city but because he is a country pig everything is new and unusual and he has to figure out what the heck he is doing. well i thought it was good when i saw it but ........

The review ends there. We are left in suspense!

All righty. I've poked through about half of Jessie's reviews. Let's save the rest for another blog, shall we? Indeed we shall.