The Quest for Skye: Chapter 39

Guys, we've made it.

We're on the very last chapter of this atrocity.

Without further ado, let's finish these last few pages.

Last we saw, Skye was dead (yay!) and everybody raved about how awesome she was.

The dedication of the new playground took place on what would have been Skye’s twelfth birthday.

Ya know what would have been nice? Building that instead of a zipline while she was alive. Ya know, giving her something that she actually asked for.

They're also dedicating a wing of the clinic to her, which is actually kind of nice and appropriate. Just before Morgan's about to head off to the dedication, his secretary asks him if he can talk with a couple whose daughter has just been diagnosed with Batten.

“I always have time for families of girls suffering with Batten. The dedication is in thirty minutes, so I’ll have to make it quick.”

These two sentences back-to-back amuse me. "I always have time! Except when I don't! Like thirty minutes from now! But aside from that, or any other time I'm doing anything, I have time for them!"

So she shows the couple in... and it's the reporter who Morgan and Lance the Tennis Player threw in clinic jail, and his wife who hacked their insecure computers and made all the girls with Batten die.

OH THE IRONY

Morgan considers not helping them at first, but then he remembers Skye and how nice she was, and decides he'll allow their daughter to be a patient.

He looked at the adorable child. Her jet-black hair wrapped around her face.

Um... like this?

Her parents followed, holding hands. They smiled at each other, finally having hope. They knew their child would have the best possible care in the world.

Though it is kind of too bad their hacking destroyed the future cure and all the current medication. So they really don't have THAT much more hope.

The Klitous' daughter is named Venus, because apparently all little girls with Batten have to be named after something above the earth. Skye's real name is even the name of a comet, in this book. Maybe Rothdiener is secretly obsessed with space. OH GOSH PLEASE LET HIM WRITE A SCI-FI STORY SOMEDAY THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME AND HORRIBLE

So they go outside to the dedication...

Morgan’s face lit up when he saw Mrs. Scott. “I’m so glad you came, Mrs. Scott.”

Guys, that's Wheelchair Lady.

Morgan urges Skye to steal Mrs. Scott's photos, submit them as her own, and keep the $10,000 prize that Mrs. Scott deserves, and he dares to invite her to this dedication and look her in the eye?

Mrs. Scott smiled. “I was delighted to donate money toward this cause.”

...And he TOOK MONEY FROM HER?

Just one more chapter indicating that Morgan is the worst person on planet earth.

Mrs. Scott asks if she can move to the clinic because she's lonely. She does say she's rich, so I guess we don't have to feel bad about Morgan stealing thousands of dollars from her, but, ya know, Morgan's rich too now that he has all of Skye's money, so he certainly doesn't need it either. Morgan says, sure, she can move to the clinic.

Morgan gives a long speech to the crowd about how awesome Skye was. It's all the same stuff we've heard before, so I'm not going to quote most of it here.

He continued, “Many times Skye would tell me in that cute voice. ‘I think we should have a playground right here.’”

"And so I spent thousands of dollars installing a handicap-accessible zipline instead because I figured that was a smarter use of my daughter's money because I am an idiot."

Morgan went on, “It’s not a coincidence that we had this dedication today, Skye’s twelfth birthday. The ten thousand dollars that Skye won with her photo started this fund.”

UH.

And now he's flaunting it right in Mrs. Scott's FACE that they stole her photo from her.

So all the kids wander around and play in the playground, when this happens.

Their thoughts were interrupted by a small, but sassy voice. “Dude, can you please move... you’re blocking progress.”

Just to remind everyone, THIS is what Skye said when she first met Morgan: "Hey dude, you’re blocking progress. Either go in or step aside, please."

I commented at the time how weird it was that a little kid would phrase things this way. And now, lo and behold, we meet the second little kid who phrases things this way. Skye has clearly been reincarnated. Or maybe, since Skye is essentially Jesus, this new little kid is the equivalent of the antichrist?

The girl introduces herself as Samantha, doesn't have any idea who Morgan is (she asks if he works there), but apparently has Batten. I don't know what she's doing here, since she's clearly not a patient -- Morgan and Tammy don't know her. Did they just send out a worldwide invitation to all little girls with Batten and their families? Also, if this girl has Batten and is the same age as Skye, her disease should be way further progressed than this. The only reason Skye's wasn't was because her parents were giving her secret experimental drugs.

So, essentially, we have a Skye clone for no reason at all.

Or MAYBE Morgan's just hallucinating this little girl. That would be the most awesome answer of all.

Dr. Rozak approaches Tammy and talks vaguely about being shocked by the results of her physical (which she has not seen yet). Although we as the audience all know that, duh, she's pregnant, he decides not to tell her about her shocking results, instead giving a long rambly speech about how he's supposed to play Skye's video when a miracle happened. So he gives her the video camera with Skye's message, and she watches it, while displaying apparently no concern whatsoever about the fact that something about her physical health is shocking a doctor.

Skye essentially reveals Tammy's pregnant and says she prayed for it, and there's a lot of other annoying rambly Skye that I don't have the patience to snark (gosh, I hate this kid) so I'm just going to skip through it and continue on.

Noticing how distraught Tammy was, Morgan rushed to her expecting bad news. All she could do was hand him the doctor’s report, and replay the video. . . . He let out a loud breath, and shot a questioning look at his wife. Tammy nodded, confirming that the report was accurate.

Well, I mean, all they have to go on that the report is accurate is the report itself. It's not like they've done secondary testing or anything. So essentially she's just saying, "Yes, what you read is what I read too." That's fine, that's an appropriate response, but this paragraph makes it sound like Tammy's saying, "Why, yes, I have verified that the report is accurate by, um, feeling pregnant" or something.

Morgan closed his eyes. He could almost hear Skye’s laughter and see her in heaven . She was running through the park, flying her kite with dozens of butterflies following her. Her loving parents looked on.  

Gratefully, he raised his hands toward heaven, reaching for the Skye.

Once again... so much for God. It's not like HE was involved with this miracle or anything like that. Nope, it was all Skye.

And that's the end of this book.

We made it.

I never have to read about bouncy-haired girls ever again.

Although I may be subjecting myself to some more Rothdiener in the near future. His latest book in the series has just been released for Kindle, so I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to purchase it so I can tear it apart as well. It's not often I find such a treasure trove of awfulness.

I'll be taking a break from snark for a few weeks (probably until June, as I'm going on a long road trip at the end of this month and won't have so much blogging time) but then I have a few possible options for another snarky series. I'll be asking you guys for your opinions on what I should work on next, so keep an eye out here.

Thank you so much for following along with me on my journey of reading this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad book.

In the meantime, I have to figure out how to condense all my disdain for this book into normal-sized reviews for Amazon and Goodreads...

The Quest for Skye: Chapter 38

Recap: SKYE IS DEAD. FINALLY. Now we'll see what happens in the last two chapters. We are so, so, so very nearly done with this book, guys.

This chapter opens with Morgan creeping into Skye's bedroom to look around at the thing she left behind.

He noticed a scrapbook on the nightstand. He read the title, My Favoritest Cruise. 

“Favoritest.” He smiled. “I can’t even say it like she did.”

Guys, once again, she's supposed to be ELEVEN, not five. Most of the ten- or eleven-year-olds I know are long past "favoritest."

Then he came to the photo of Tammy, Skye , and himself— the night she surprised them at their table. Tammy’s makeup was smeared from her laughter.

...I guess we're supposed to assume that Tammy laughed so much she cried? Or maybe she tried to put on makeup while laughing and then, instead of fixing it, went to dinner? Otherwise, how is laughing smearing her makeup? I mean, I don't wear makeup that often, so maybe I've just never laughed quite hard enough while wearing makeup to smear it, but I can't even figure out how that would work. Any of my makeup-wearing friends want to chime in on this one?

Suddenly, Morgan hears a beeping noise. He discovers Skye's telescope has turned itself on and is beeping at him. He finds a note next to the telescope saying that the very last time Skye's comet will ever be visible with her telescope is that night, so Skye has programmed the telescope to, uh, I guess beep and turn on and go to the right coordinates at that time. (Is this something fancy telescopes do? I feel like an alarm is a thoroughly useless add-on to a telescope, but I'm sure it's possible. I pose this question especially to my stargazing friend Mike, who might actually know the answer to this.)

While he was staring at the screen, Isaura disappeared into the heavens, exactly as the letter said it would, just like his precious Skye. . . . He took a deep breath, and reached for the shutoff switch turning off the telescope. The monitor turned black.

Also, do telescopes typically have monitors and screens? To, I dunno, save you all the trouble of actually looking through the little holes? Is this an actual thing or is Rothdiener confusing telescopes with computers? He does really like screens. He was all invested in Leontious' clinic having three of them that performed extremely specific tasks.

The next scene is Skye's funeral. It's a pretty generic scene that isn't too terrible, because, oddly enough, they gush slightly less over her after her death than she did before. Although Morgan does include this in his eulogy:

“She never said an unkind word about anyone.”

He's clearly forgotten her merciless mocking of his genuine fear of heights and water.

“And if we ever need her, or want to talk with her—” Morgan’s voice quivered, “Just reach toward the sky, because that’s where she’ll be.” 

Trembling, Morgan released Tammy’s hand, and extended his arms toward the sky. Tammy followed, and then Zack and Kim. Within seconds, almost all hands on that island were raised in honor of the very special girl who loved everyone she met.

IT'S LIKE WHEN THEY DID THAT LIKE A CULT ON THE SHIP

Although, once again, it is SLIGHTLY more appropriate and less creepy here because you're allowed to be extremely sentimental and nostalgic and do memorable gestures like this at a funeral. It would just be nicer if Skye's life itself, and this moment in her life particularly, wasn't so very creepy.

The next day, Morgan receives an envelope in the mail from Today's Photography, where Wheelchair Lady's photo of Morgan and Skye kissing the dolphins has won first prize in their photography contest, and Skye has won $10,000 for it. Morgan is all, "Aww," but, of course, it doesn't even cross his mind that, um, Wheelchair Lady should have that money. Way to go, Skye and Morgan, stealing credit and money and fame from an elderly lady in a wheelchair when you are pretty much millionaires now. You people are so noble and awesome and not disgusting at all. Clearly Jesus condones this, so I will now go and take all the art made by my friends and sell it as being made by me. I'll never have to work again!

(Also, $10,000 is a LOT of money for a photography contest. A LOT.)

Zoom ahead six months, where it's time for the cruise again. Zack is cruise director now, because apparently we're continuing the trend of giving him jobs to do that he is in no way qualified for. Kim is pregnant, so Zack got an office job with the cruise line and they're going to settle down in Florida and she's going to be a stay-at-home mom, so that's nice.

Walking through the atrium, Morgan’s eyes were captured by a sight that took his breath away.  

Tammy gasped.

They held each other close.

All my mind can picture here is the two of them gasping and running into each other's arms, like they're in a cartoon about a haunted house and just saw a ghost. There's some very specific image I'm picturing, but I can't for the life of me remember what it's from, which is sad, because I was hoping to link to it so you guys knew what I was talking about. If I remember I'll come back and link.

What makes them gasp is that apparently the ship now has an entire bulletin board dedicated to Skye. They then discover that Skye's real name was Isaura, which is the name of both the cruise ship and the comet she discovered. The captain reveals that the ship was built for Skye.

Hold up, hold up, hold up.

Is this a private ship or not?

If it is a private ship, then how the heck were Morgan and Tammy able to randomly book a cruise on it for their own pleasure without being in any way connected to the Leontious? Did Doctor L. L. schedule these cruises on his own ship but then call a random cruise company and say, "Hey, if you want to use my ship for a cruise, I'm going through the Panama Canal anyway and have room for like 50 more people"?

If it's not a private ship, then is it because Doctor L. L. made a ship for Skye and then... sold it to the cruise line, with the assumption that he'd be able to take it back for his disease cruise every year as long as he let random other people sign up for that cruise too? And won't all the people who don't happen to go on this one particular cruise two weeks out of every year be very confused about this bulletin board focusing on a random little girl they've never met because she lives on Leontiou Island most of the time?

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON

Tammy added, “Oh my goodness, that comet was named after her too, wasn’t it?” 

Captain Dimitriou nodded his head. 

“She never told us that either.” Morgan shook his head. 

“That was Skye. She did things that none of us knew about, and never took credit for any of it.”

Except for photographs. She's totally fine with taking credit for other people's photographs.

And if she really never took credit for any of it, she wouldn't have named the comet after herself.

It seems Skye frequently stole blankets and towels from the ship to give to homeless kids "across the street," which is a little confusing, because I don't know why the cruise ship was ever parked on the side of a street. More confusingly, they're "in a field," which means that there's a street somewhere in between Florida and the Panama Canal with a dock large enough for an enormous cruise ship on one side and a field on the other, and I can't picture the geography of this area at all.

They finish out the cruise, where they receive more donations than ever before, which is impressive, considering that two years ago, absolutely everyone who attended donated $30,000 apiece and was still expected to donate more by the end of the cruise.

Upon returning to the clinic, they both plunged into their work. Morgan ran the clinic with love and kindness . . . 

. . . despite never having shown any interest in any of the other patients, preferring to just walk on the beach with Skye all the time. I'm not sure he even knows who anyone else is.

We have one more chapter, gang. ONE MORE. Next week, The Quest for Skye is FINISHED. And then we'll discuss what I'm going to tackle after that. I've had some suggestions made, and I'm going to ask for all of your input.

The Quest for Skye: Chapter 37

Recap: Well, in the last chapter, Morgan hired two cruise ship gym workers to build a handicap-accessible zip line in the jungle. Then the gym workers got married. And I just kept saying, "WHAT IS HAPPENING?!" On the plus side, we have this, then the final chapter two weeks from today. 

We open with a reminder that Skye is dying, which makes me go, "Yay!"

Morgan held Skye, so that the three of them could decorate a Christmas tree in her room.

The next sentence talks about her decorating the tree, so I think this means he's holding her up to put decorations on because he can't walk anymore, but it makes me think that he's holding her back because if he lets go she's just going to run rabidly at the tree and tear it down, and they just all want to decorate the tree in peace.

Skye has another near-death experience. She pulls through, but everyone is reminded yet again that Skye is dying. Presumably this reminds everyone once again to be working on a cure for Batten, because they only seem to remember that they're doing that right after Skye almost doesn't make it.

In the middle of the night, Skye wakes the Hamiltons up to say this:

“No, thank you. I need to tell you something really important. I was just talking to Jesus, and He asked me if there was anything in the world I wanted. I told him there was only one thing. [..] I don’t think I can tell you yet. It’s a secret between Jesus and me. But it’s a big surprise.”

Her big news is that she asked for something from God? But she won't tell them what? I'm going to start doing that all the time now. "Hey! Guess what? I'm going to do something today! But I won't tell you what it is! That's all I wanted to say!" Morgan and Tammy think Skye's not even really talking to Jesus, that her medication is making her hallucinate.

Once in a while, Skye would say something about her mother and father. She mentioned repeatedly that she’d been talking with them.

Does she just keep wandering up into heaven during all these near-death experiences?

Tammy put some color on her face, and a little foundation. She applied some lip gloss to her dried, cracked lips. Her mom brushed her hair, while Morgan read her favorite book to her.

There are entirely too many "her"s in these sentences, made even more confusing by suddenly referring to Tammy as "her mom." For a minute I thought Tammy's mom had shown up to brush Tammy's hair.

They made their way to the dining room. It was busy, but not a chipper place, as it usually was. Everyone walked around like something or someone was missing. The smiles were forced. It was obvious that everyone was worried about their friend, Skye.

See, here's the thing.

EVERY PATIENT HERE IS DYING.

It's not just all about Skye. Skye is maybe even going to die less soon than all these other girls, since she'd been getting the special medication.

There's something really horrific everyone being "chipper" about every single other little girl at the clinic dying, but only getting sad when Skye is about to be gone. Yes, I know Skye is the Messiah and all, but I just can't buy that, for example, all the other girls' parents are sadder about Skye dying than about their own children dying.

In the meantime, we suddenly break away from Morgan and Tammy's POV (for the first time since maybe that first chapter, so it's really jarring) and see Skye asking Dr. Rozak to let her videotape a secret message for the Hamiltons. Dr. Rozak agrees and leaves. She records her message (we don't get to hear what it is), puts the camera and a written message inside an envelope and makes Dr. Rozak promise to open it after she dies. I think. These are the instructions:

“I have a big job for you. You can open this after I die. [...] Don’t open the envelope until you’re supposed to. Then, you can read the letter.” 

“Skye, how will I know when to open it?” His expression showed his confusion. 

“You’ll know. Something extraordinary will happen. Now, don’t forget. We are looking for miracles here... that’s very important.” 

She looked at him, shaking her finger. “Not until the miracle happens, right?”

Wait, so is he supposed to open it after she dies? Or when a miracle happens? If a miracle happens before she dies, can he open it? If she dies, can he go ahead and open it, or does he need to wait for a miracle? If I were Dr. Rozak, I'd have been very confused. Although not at the point when he was confused.

"Open it after I die."

"Wait, what? When can I open it?"

"After a miracle."

"I UNDERSTAND NOW."

The days go by, and Skye scolds Tammy about not praying enough, so eventually Tammy goes to the chapel and prays emotionally.

Christmas Eve morning, Dr. Rozak wakes up Morgan to let him know that Skye's vitals are down. She's conscious and awake and asking for him. Skye sits with the Hamiltons for awhile, tells them not to be sad, to take care of her cat, makes Morgan promise to walk on the beach every morning, makes them both promise not to abandon the clinic. Then:

“Just remember if you ever need me, all you have to do is reach for the sky.”

Um. OK.

(Is that what she was doing in the creepy "everyone reach for the sky with me" scene on the cruise ship? Was she just needing dead people?)

She then starts talking to her real parents and tells Doctor L. L. she's going to go to heaven and fly a kite with him. And then she dies.

SKYE IS FINALLY GONE.

FINALLY.

Now we only have 2 more chapters of Morgan and Tammy being sad and having conversions and stuff. Oh, shoot, I forgot we have a video message they have to watch. So I guess Skye will show up at least once in these last two chapters. Dang it. I thought we were done with her forever. ALMOST.

The Quest for Skye: Chapter 36

Recap: Morgan and Tammy took Skye on a little visit to Florida, where she was reunited with her favorite kissing dolphin and played the piano with Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Now they're all sad because she's going to die soon. Frankly, I can't wait.

They all come back to the clinic and Morgan tells Lance that he wants to do like a Make-a-Wish foundation kind of thing for all the girls at the clinic, not just Skye.

"So, if I’m in charge here that’s one of the conditions. I want to see their dream fulfilled."

Um, I'm pretty sure he and Tammy already signed all the papers and stuff. There's no more "setting conditions" for him to take this job. He's had it and has had it for several months now. Which means he's now... subtly threatening to quit if Lance doesn't give in to him on this? Fortunately (or unfortunately, not sure which) Lance has no objections to this.

Morgan apparently has another big surprise up his sleeve, because he gets a phone call, tells Lance and Tammy to change into casual clothes, and tells Dr. Rozak he needs to take Skye out for the afternoon. This is like, immediately after they've returned. Skye probably hasn't even unpacked yet. Dr. Rozak is a little hesitant about letting her go back out and party or whatever in her weakened state.

“Do I need to be concerned with what you have planned?” 

“Well, do you remember what we talked about a few weeks ago?” Morgan asked.

Wait, hold up now. The trip to Florida wasn't what they were all secretively talking about? His secret trip to Athens and request to take Skye away for awhile weren't related to that at all? He has another secret? Whatever this one is, it apparently involves all the children, but only Skye gets to go out for the afternoon.

When Morgan announces he has another surprise for Skye, this happens:

[S]he tried to jump up and down, but didn’t have the energy.

I am probably not supposed to cheer that the horrible debilitating disease is making Skye less obnoxious, but...

Skye suddenly hears a familiar voice and turns around to find Gym Kim and Zack (remember them from the cruise ship?) are there.

“Your dad asked us to come. We actually have been here for three days,” Zack replied.

I have this mental image of them just hiding in a closet somewhere until they got the OK to come out into the world.

“Three days, and you haven’t come by to visit. Why?” She frowned deliberately.

Well, SHE HAS BEEN GONE. They would have had to fly to Florida to visit her three days ago.

Rothdiener has completely lost track of his time frame. Skye and the Hamiltons returned to the island, Lance came by to see Morgan "upon his return," which to me implies like... pretty much right away, especially since they all live on the island, so it's not even implied that he'd have to wait to see him until the next business day. From his conversation with Lance, he rushes to talk to Dr. Rozak, and immediately after his conversation with Rozak, Skye wanders in, and then Zack and Kim showed up.

When, exactly, did Skye think Zack and Kim should have visited her?

Anyway, instead of saying, "You weren't even in this country three days ago" like a sensible human, Zack explains that they have been busy "building something" for her and her friends. Dr. Rozak orders everyone in the clinic outside because everyone's going on a field trip.

“What about lunch?” Tammy inquired. 

Morgan stepped in. “Ah, if you notice, you can’t smell any food cooking. We’re going on a picnic.” 

Tammy peered at her husband. “You thought of everything, didn’t you?”

"I'm so proud of you for remembering that children need to eat!" Seriously, that's kind of a weird thing to praise him for.

Anyway, the kids all get loaded up into vans and get driven away somewhere, all trying to guess where they're going and what Zack and Gym Kim have been building.

When Skye saw how futile their guessing was, she started singing. The other kids in her van joined in song as they traveled the streets of the town waving at everyone they saw.

"Everyone they saw"? They talk like this is an actual city full of just random people. The only inhabitants of this island are the patients, patients' families, clinic workers, and probably some maintenance people. The patients and clinic workers are all in the vans, so basically they're just waving at maintenance people and like 10 girls' parents, all of whom appear to be outside at the same time.

At the edge of a forest, they stop and have a picnic.

There were plenty of hotdogs and burgers with all the side dishes.

...ALL the side dishes?

Morgan gets up to give a speech.

“Right now, I’m fulfilling a promise.” 

His wife gave him an affirmation nod, but it was Skye’s big thumbs-up that almost sent him over the edge.

..."Over the edge"?

What is WITH Rothdiener's choice of words in this chapter?

Skye gives Morgan a thumbs-up to the concept of him fulfilling a promise and he... what? Loses his mind? WHY? I don't even know what he's going over the edge of, but all I can picture is him like completely losing control and finishing the speech in some sort of hysterical tone of voice, and it's ridiculous, and I don't know why a thumbs-up would break him like that.

“When I decided to put this secret project in motion, one name jumped out at me. It needed to be done safely. I recalled a conversation I had with Zack on a cruise almost eighteen months ago, and I knew he was the perfect man for the job.” 

He glanced at the friendly faces before him. Some of the children were weakening fast, others still appeared healthy.

Well, maybe he shouldn't have yanked them away from the hospital to make them eat ALL THE SIDE DISHES.

And we FINALLY get a reveal: Zack and Gym Kim have built a zip-line for the kids.

Hold up.

HOLD UP.

OK, first of all, a zip-line does not seem like a terribly safe thing to put kids on when they have a disease that causes blindness, dementia, and loss of motor control. It seems like it would be very likely to be either traumatizing or dangerous or both.

Secondly, if you WERE going to do that, YES, you would have to do it "safely," but why the heck is Zack the right man for the job?! I went back and searched the whole book -- Morgan never even MET Zack. He met Gym Kim, he saw Zack from across the room, and Skye raved that Zack was a hunk, but he never met him.

Also, Zack and Gym Kim are personal trainers. In a gym on a cruise ship. In what world does this qualify them to safely build (apparently entirely by themselves) a zip-line for children who may no longer have control of their own bodies?

MORGAN IS THE WORST ADMINISTRATOR IN THE WORLD.'

Seriously, this is the kind of thing an administrator is supposed to be able to do intelligently. Figure out what needs to get done, figure out who can do it, and delegate it. That is not supposed to consist of saying, "Oh, hey, I saw a personal trainer from across a gym one time. Maybe I should call him and ask him to come out here to personally build a zip-line when I have no reason to believe he knows anything about it. That won't endanger the lives of the children I'm taking care of at all."

Zack does explain that everything is handicap accessible, so the kids in wheelchairs can still go, but still, I don't know that I'd have much faith placed in a zip-line built in three days by a random gym worker who has shown no interest in zip-lining thus far.

After everybody zip-lines and, miraculously, nobody dies, the Hamiltons and Skye and Zack and Gym Kim all go out to dinner, where Zack reveals that he and Gym Kim are going to get married there on the island that Sunday, and Skye is going to be their flower girl.

I just... I don't have the energy to snark at this anymore. This is just another completely ridiculous plot point, and there's no reason they would have had their wedding there. If Jacob had said to me a week before our wedding, "Hey, would you like to fly to a random island that is the home of a random little girl we met once like a year and a half ago? We can spend the week before our wedding building a zip-line for children with rare diseases, and then we can get married on that island with none of our friends there but at least that little girl we met once will be our flower girl and she can play the piano for us too!" I'm pretty sure I would have just laughed heartily in his face.

Of course Skye plays the piano at their wedding, and it's lovely, and then everybody goes home.

I will leave you with this highly amusing piece of writing that is supposed to be about Skye hugging Tammy before she goes to bed, but I prefer to read it as the little girl calmly strangling her to death.

She grabbed hold of her mom’s neck, closing her eyes, unwilling to let go.

14. Pages. Left.

The Quest for Skye: Chapter 35

Recap: In the last chapter, Morgan and Tammy took Skye to Florida to reunite her with that dolphin she kissed way back when. Then the Hamiltons talked to each other a lot about how Skye is super nice and appreciates life and stuff and decided that was what Lance meant when he said she was the key to the whole thing. That made me want to throw my laptop across the room in frustration at the book. I did not, but I WANTED TO.

The chapter opens with Tammy waking Skye up and telling her they're going to get her hair, nails, and makeup done, which leads to an incredibly awkwardly-written moment where Skye asks if putting makeup on means she'll be growing breasts soon. Tammy quickly sidesteps the whole puberty question (which I guess is OK since Skye is probably going to be dying in the next couple weeks anyway) and instead says they're all going somewhere special tonight.

Tammy presents her with a dress, which Skye pronounces a "Christmas dress." We're given no description of the dress, so I'm not sure what makes it a Christmas dress. It's probably just red and green, but part of me hopes it resembles a horrific Christmas sweater with reindeer and Santa heads knitted all over it. Whatever it looks like, Tammy has an identical dress, so yay for matching.

The girls spent the next couple hours getting their hair and nails done. It was hard telling who was having more fun, the stylists, or the Hamiltons.

Well, uh, probably the Hamiltons. Why would the stylists be that excited about it? Except for the Pure and Untarnished Joy of Just Being Near Skye, I guess.

When they were finished with their girl-time, they continued to giggle all the way back to their room.

And this is one of those awkward writing details that sounds fine until you start thinking about it. There's no reason for them to be giggling. If they're giggling just from the sheer excitement of having visited a beauty salon, that excitement should have died down into a quiet happiness long before the time they're actually heading back to their room. Or have they been giggling throughout the entire appointment? If so, I can pretty much guarantee you they had more fun than the stylists. A women and a girl doing nothing but giggling at each other for no reason for like 30-45 minutes straight has got to be not only annoying, but kind of creepy after a certain point.

Later that night, Tammy reveals her new style to Morgan and he is blown away by how beautiful she is and wants to kiss her, but she won't let him because it's far more important that he see how beautiful Skye is. Turns out she's also gorgeous and Morgan compliments her, and Skye once more laments that she doesn't have the body yet to fill out the dress.

They go out to dinner, and the paparazzi papparaz Skye at the restaurant. The security guards get super aggressive about it, throwing the cameras on the ground and literally pushing the photographers out the door.

While eating, they discussed funny things that happened on the cruise and reminisced about more recent events.

Skye's really into reminiscing about this cruise. She reminisced about it while she was on it. Now they've all been living together for several months and must have other stories to reminisce about with each other, but, nope, it's all about the cruise again. The cruise that they were only on together for like a week. I get the feeling that if this was in the real world, it would mean that every other day Skye'd say, "Hey, remember that cruise?" and Morgan and Tammy would reply, "Sigh. Yes. We remember it. We only talk about it every day."

The Hamiltons then blindfold Skye and drive her somewhere in a limo, and it turns out that they got her tickets to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra, which just so happened to be playing in the same area as the Jamaican dolphin lived, so that's nice.

Too overwhelmed to speak, she jumped to her feet and threw her arms around her mom and dad.

And the people behind her were probably like, "SIT DOWN YOU'RE IN MY WAY!"

Oh, and then, the band invites her onstage to play one of their songs at the piano for them. So that's nice too.

Like a little lady, Skye moved in front of the piano bench , straightened her flowing dress, and sat down.

She used to be able to sit at a piano like a trained entertainer. Now her skills have been downgraded to "little lady." I guess she's out of practice.

After the performance:

Tears cascaded from her eyes as she moved to the front of the piano and bowed to the audience like a professional entertainer.

Oh, good, at least she can still bow like a professional entertainer. Bowing like a little lady would just be embarrassing right now.

The whole audience is crying because I guess watching a little girl they don't know playing the piano is some sort of big emotional moment for everyone. Skye gets to go backstage and meet the band after the show, and then they all go back to the hotel and wind down.

He, too, could still hear, The Christmas Canon. On this night... all is right... on this Merry Christmas night. This night... we pray... our lives... will show... this dream... she had ...  

Morgan smiled. This dream... his little girl had... had been met... tonight.

My mind just makes this sound like Morgan is wheezing out these lines while being extremely out of breath. Maybe he'll run all the way out of breath and he and Skye will both die in the next chapter!

The Quest for Skye: Chapter 34

Recap: Well, last time, Skye had ANOTHER near-death experience, which reminded people yet again that they're supposed to be working to cure Batten. Also, Morgan is planning some sort of big surprise for her before she dies but we don't know what it is yet.

It's early in the morning, and Dr. Rozak goes to wake up Skye. He and Tammy tell her she's doing well enough that she can go on a trip with Tammy and Morgan, so she rushes off to get ready. They meet up with Morgan in the cafeteria, and Skye tries to figure out where they're going.

“Then we’re going on an airplane ride.” 

“Where, Dad?” 

“Florida.”

Um, OK. What on earth are they going to do in Florida? Skye's never expressed any interest in going to Florida. Also, that's a LONG way from Leontiou Island. I had gotten the impression that this was like a day trip, but clearly not.

Moments later, the Hamiltons were on a helicopter heading to the airport in Athens. 

In Greece, they boarded Leontiou’s private jet.

OK, I understand if there's not enough room on Leontiou Island to keep his private jet, but it's gotta be awkward storing his jet in some other country's airport. It's not like he's even a Greek citizen. And a lot of the people in Greece are actually opposed to him. I feel like "the airport of an antagonistic country nearby" is not necessarily a safe place to stash your belongings.

Then she did what she always did when she flew, she ran up to the cockpit and sat with the pilot when they lifted off.  

When they were at cruising altitude, she came back and nestled between Tammy and Morgan.

Because every pilot's favorite thing is an incessantly chatty, overly bouncy eleven-year-old sitting in the cockpit with them as they take off. It is also the safest place for children to be. Not, you know, in a seat of her own with a seatbelt. What does "sitting with the pilot" even mean? Is she sitting, like... on his lap as the plane gets going?

I guess I shouldn't really be that surprised. I mean, Rothdiener established in the second chapter that he has a terrible grasp of appropriate child-on-airplane behavior.

To pass time, Morgan and Skye played their favorite game, checkers.

Checkers is... not a terribly good airplane game. The tiniest bit of turbulence and everybody loses.

Also, Athens to Orlando is like a 16-hour flight. That's a lot of checkers.

Morgan hated to leave the privacy of the island because usually the paparazzi harassed them, trying to get a picture, especially of Skye.

...Why?

I really don't feel like there'd be that much public interest in all of this. I mean, do paparazzi harass Bill Gates and his kids a lot? It's not like they're entertainment celebrities. They're... doctors. Nobody reading tabloids cares about doctors. Or sick kids. They're not nearly gossipy enough.

But then again, if Skye is a cult leader as she seems to be, maybe it's just her devoted followers trying to steal some of her magic powers with a photograph.

They take Skye to the beach, but then Tammy worries that the sun is bad for her, so they leave and go to Sea World instead. During the dolphin show, the trainer singles out Skye by name and brings her down to touch the dolphins... and Skye recognizes the dolphin she kissed in Jamaica a year and a half ago.

She recognizes the dolphin.

Because it's not like dolphins look similar or anything, or that Skye only spent a couple hours max with the dolphin, and of COURSE this dolphin would have been randomly moved from Jamaica to Sea World in Florida, and Morgan would have been able to track them down by, um, going to Athens on a secret plane right in the previous chapter.

In the meantime, they worry that Tammy only has two shots of medication left for Skye. That's not two shots left for the trip... that's two shots left, ever.

Skye interrupted their thoughts. Holding up a stuffed dolphin, she exclaimed, “Mom... Dad, this looks just like Jessie.”

Yup. That's because it's a dolphin.

Skye goes home and goes to sleep in the hotel, and Tammy and Morgan talk about it being their life purpose now to take care of all the kids with Batten and find a cure.

“I now understand what Lance meant when he said that Skye held the answer to the future of the world. It was not only the seriousness of the political situation at the time, but more the amazement of the young girl’s attitude, her zeal for life, her unconditional love, and encouragement. All qualities she demonstrated in every aspect of her life— she set the example. Now it’s time for us to lead. To lead by following her example.”

THAT was what Lance meant when he kept saying Skye was the key?!?

While Morgan was busy asking, "What's up with these conspiracies?" and "Why the Locked Door?" and "Why are we being stalked by reporters?" and "Is Doctor L. L. dead?" Lance's answer was essentially, "Let's all remember to be nice like Skye"?!?!?

There's no big answer to the mystery of why Skye is so important, it's just Lance trying to tell them (very vaguely, for no reason at all) to appreciate life?!?!?!?!?!?

THAT IS THE WORST ANSWER.

Thankfully, this chapter is over, because that speech has made me CRAZY and I need to run away now.

The Quest for Skye: Chapter 33

Recap: Morgan has thought of something he "must do" before Skye dies, but mostly everyone's just waiting around for her to die. That's really about all that's been happening.

Morgan woke up early. The aroma of the fresh coffee seemed stronger than usual, but there was not even a whiff of sizzling bacon as he headed downstairs.

Well, that's probably because they're not tickling Skye.

Morgan gets some coffee and tells Maya that he's off to Athens. Tammy's still sleeping, and he tells Maya to tell her where he's gone. (Because, again, it's not like he needs to do administrative work. He can just sneak off to Athens in the morning without telling his wife anything about this plan.)

“Tell her... tell her I need to fulfill a dream.” 

“A dream... umm, that sounds exciting. Can I be part of it?”

...?! That sure sounds to me like Maya is hitting on Morgan. That might not go too well, though, considering that it took him meeting her twice to remember she worked for the Leontious. He's probably still a little confused as to why this woman in his house who makes him coffee wants to be part of his dream. But he cheerfully tells her he can, without telling her what the dream is, and shoots out the door to the chopper.

Then we get this really sudden scene:

While he was gone, Skye joined Tammy on her usual rounds to a few of the girl’s rooms. 

In Becca’s room, Skye was chatting non-stop with her friend. Suddenly she stopped talking and turned to Tammy, “Mom, I feel funny.” Skye collapsed.

Well, BAM. We are just moving this story along, aren't we? One second, Morgan's promising Maya she can help him fulfill a dream and enjoying his coffee, the next Skye has collapsed. And then, in the next paragraph, Morgan flies home immediately and Penni tells him the meds aren't working anymore. That entire fulfilling-a-dream-by-going-to-Athens bit seemed like it was going to be important, but there is NO TIME FOR THAT in this story anymore.

Not only is the story progressing fast, but so is Skye's disease. Like... to the point where she was fine this morning, but when she wakes up from being unconscious she'll probably be blind and with dementia. Because I guess if you've been staving off the symptoms for years, when it stops working, they just all attack you at once. So I'm pretty sure they now have to find a cure by like... the afternoon.

Tammy went to her office to get some needed rest, while Morgan spent the entire night in a chair next to Skye, waiting.

Was Tammy in her office all night resting? Surely you would think her bed would be a better option...

Then Morgan prays, which he says is "something he hadn’t done in years," but I am almost certain that isn't true. Yup! A little research confirms he prayed at the end of chapter 19, and they made a big deal of it then too. And it hasn't been years since chapter 19. Maybe he just forgot that prayer, although he really shouldn't, because it was answered with an audible voice. I don't know about you, but I think I'd remember that one.

Lord, I plead with You, please let her live a while longer. I have a dream to fulfill, a promise to keep.

He didn't even get to stay in Athens as long as he needed to, so he probably couldn't fulfill his dream!

Tammy then shows up next to Morgan, and he calmly tells her:

“Honey, I just figured out why we can’t have children.” His voice was strong, decisive.

His answer is that if they hadn't had a miscarriage, they wouldn't have gone on the cruise and met Doctor L. L.

Sigh.

Here's the deal.

I believe that God can and does turn bad, awful, horrible circumstances into opportunities. I believe he can take us from very dark places and use that experience to make us better people, to help heal others, to make a difference in ourselves and the people around us. But that is not the same thing as saying, "God caused us this pain SO THAT we could help others."

Even if I believed that was something God did regularly, it certainly wouldn't be comforting to hear it. It feels terrible when someone tells you that God not only hurt you on purpose, but that they, logically and rationally, have figured out why God hurt you on purpose. You just couldn't see it because you were too busy feeling things or whatever.

At first, Tammy reacts to this news with what I'd consider a completely appropriate response: sarcasm and frustration. But then Morgan logics her around to it by talking about all the good they're doing here and how, by sacrificing their own kids, they can give life to others around them (ignoring the fact that the Hamiltons haven't actually helped anybody yet -- these kids are all still just surviving on leftover meds from before the Hamiltons got there).

The book affirms that, yes, this must be God's reason, because suddenly Skye wakes up, miraculously coherent, and asks for chocolate.

Tammy added, “And Dr. Rozak, have Victoria call the team together. We have work to do. We have lives to save!”

Once again, Skye's near-death experience apparently reminds everyone they're supposed to be doing work. What if she's just faking all these seizures to get them to do their job because she knows they'll just slack off otherwise? Skye also tells Morgan that she comes back bearing a message from Jesus: that He heard Morgan's prayer and has a plan.

Zoom ahead to three days later, and Skye is not only not blind and not demented, but she seems to be completely healthy again. Morgan goes to Dr. Rozak and asks her if he could fly Skye around to do a bunch of bucket list things, and Dr. Rozak lectures him a little bit on not avoiding the fact that Skye will die soon. I can only assume he follows that up with, "Oh, right! She's dying! I guess we should work on finding a cure, huh?"

Dr. Rozak finally says Morgan can take Skye, but it's unpredictable:

“Her symptoms are not the same as a usual Batten patient because of the injections. She could test tomorrow and be completely cured, or the disease could be put into advance mode.”

Huh. So a sudden recovery wouldn't be all that miraculous, I guess.

Dr. Rozak wants to help Morgan fulfill his/Skye's dream too, so Morgan invites him out for coffee. I hope Maya goes too. She's probably been waiting for three days to find out what this dream is she's supposed to help Morgan fulfill.

Five chapters left. 35 pages. I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

(Chapter 34.)

The Quest for Skye: Chapter 32

Recap: Skye got sick last week, so now everybody at the lab is REALLY going to try to find a cure for Batten. Not just fake trying like they apparently were before. But pretty much Skye is going to die soon, so that's nice!

This is a short chapter and I could probably bundle it with the next one, but four pages of Skye are just about all I can take for this week.

We open with Morgan once again doing nothing vaguely administrative, just flying kites with Skye on the beach. Seriously, we haven't seen this guy do work ONCE.

“Dad, how high do you think heaven is? I mean, do you think we could reach it with this kite?”

Oh, precocious kids' questions. How adorable.

Skye goes on to say that she has actually seen heaven. Morgan is skeptical, but Skye talks about that painting behind The Locked Door that shows her and the Leontious all chilling in heaven, and she says she had a dream about that right before they went on the cruise, but then she gets quiet and doesn't want to talk about heaven anymore, so she babbles about the wind for awhile.

“Isn’t the wind strange? It comes and goes, but nobody really knows where it comes from or goes to. I mean, where does it start? And when does it end? How does it start, and how does it end? Maybe it’s always there. It’s like that old saying, ‘If a tree falls in a forest when nobody is around, does anyone see it?’ Right, Dad?”  

Morgan thinks this is hilarious, corrects her idiom to "If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" at which point she reveals that she knew that's what the real phrase was, she was just joking with him! HA HA HA HA HA!

Now, to be fair, I feel like that could be the kind of ridiculous joke an 11-year-old would think was hilarious, but that is because 11-year-olds have terrible senses of humor.

Skye then gives a sermon on how "words are like windows to the heart," which basically means if you're a jerk, you use jerky words, and if you're a nice person, you use nice words. Morgan is amazed by this wisdom. He clearly has never thought of this.

Then Skye twirls around for awhile with her arms in the air, reciting the "they will soar on wings like eagles" Bible verse. So that's nice.

And then they laugh at cloud shapes.

And then Morgan asks her what she'd do if she had one wish, and she says she'd play piano with the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, or:

“Or play Christina in The Phantom of the Opera.” She started giggling again. “With Justin Bieber as the phantom.”

How does this girl get into Phantom of the Opera and not know that the lead character's name is Christine, not Christina? Who else does she want to play, "Eponina" from Les Miserables?

I'm allowed to scoff at that because I WAS into musicals when I was eleven or twelve and DID want to play Christine, but I knew the names of my characters. Of course, I was also not casting Justin Bieber as my leading men...

Tammy shows up and sits with them, but then the kite string breaks and the kite floats away. Morgan tries to chase it, but Skye gets all panicky and asks him to stay with her, and Morgan suddenly realizes once again that soon Skye is going to die.

Suddenly, a thought came to Morgan. Before that day arrives, there is something I must do.

I can only hope he is planning to stage a clinic production of Phantom with Bieber as the Phantom. And all the names pronounced wrong.

(Chapter 33.)

The Quest for Skye: Chapter 30-31

Recap: Last time, the Greek military arrived, the Americans chased them off, Morgan & Tammy finally FINALLY agreed to stay on the island for a little while, and then Doctor L. L. died. It was a weird, abrupt wrap-up of the whole "the Greek economy depends on you!" subplot.

This chapter opens with Doctor L. L.'s funeral/memorial service:

Almost everyone on the island followed, each of them somehow touched by Layland’s kindness and generosity.

This would be more meaningful if they weren't living on an island especially designed by him and his wife for their children to live on. Of course they were each somehow touched by him. That's the only reason they're on the island at all. But whatever.

Skye gives a little speech to Morgan and Tammy about how "Father is with Jesus now," though she follows it up with "Mother is so happy," which makes me wonder, because I don't think we ever heard anything about Skye converting her mother, so, um, I'm pretty sure we have no reason to believe they are both in Heaven. So that's disconcerting.

Tammy plans to head back to St. Paul to put things in order at their clinic, but Morgan suggests:

“Maybe I should do that, since I’m the administrator.”

HEY! Maybe you SHOULD do some administrating somewhere! Since you've done absolutely NONE of that in this book so far. But Tammy says, no, she's going to go administrate their St. Paul clinic to get closure.

And that's the end of chapter 30, so I'm moving on to the next chapter, because otherwise this is the saddest little mini-chapter ever.

The next morning, Morgan and Tammy were awakened by Skye’s bouncing on their bed. “Hey Dad, wake up! We have to take our morning walk along the beach. Do you want to go all the way back in the cave? It’s scary!” Skye pretended to shudder with fear.

Well, she has clearly gotten over her parents' death pretty quickly.

Actually, what this opening makes me think is, "OH MY GOSH I HATE KIDS LIKE THIS." Reason #14535 I should not have children: The idea of a child waking me up by bouncing on my bed is filling me with snarky rage.

This seems to be a pattern with Skye, though. Morgan and Tammy may just have to resign themselves to never get a full night's sleep again, even though she is certainly old enough to have some self-control about waking up her "parents."

Skye tells a somewhat gruesome story about going all the way back in the cave with Ty(rion) and discovering scratch marks on the wall from when prisoners were clawing to get out of the cave as the tide came in. On that cheerful note, they go have breakfast.

“We won’t have time for exploring today, because I have a big tennis match with Lance.”

Morgan's officially taken over the clinic, but he's still not doing anything that resembles work. Sigh.

We get some brief descriptions of the couple doing some vaguely work-y things but worrying all the time about how little time they have left with Skye. Then, suddenly, we have this timeline update:

Dr. Rozak left for two weeks on the annual Cruise for a Cure.

So I'm assuming it's been about a year since that first cruise. I went to look up how much time happened between the cruise and Lance the Tennis Player arriving with his letter. Turns out it was about 3 1/2 months. So we have just zoomed on by their life on the island. Nothing important happening here, gang. Morgan's supposedly administrating and Tammy is... doing something sciencey and caring about rare childhood diseases but mostly everyone's just waiting around for Skye to die.

Morgan suggested Skye enter some of her quality photographs in a contest.

A cropping and printing contest? Because that is what Skye is best at.

If she enters Mrs. Scott's pictures in a contest and wins money without acknowledging she was not the photographer (as Morgan suggested way back when), she had better send some of that prize money to the old lady...

One morning, Morgan and Tammy are woken up by Skye giggling about how she let a bunch of the island's black squirrels into the house. Maya discovers them and screams a bunch, while Skye thinks this is the funniest thing ever and laughs for like three minutes straight before deciding maybe she should help Maya get the squirrels out of their house. Yeah, she's a charmer. But she tells them all this while doing a bad John Wayne imitation, so, um, I guess that makes it cuter?

Skye and Maya spent the next two hours trying to get the squirrels out of the house, finally succeeding using a fishing net and laundry basket.

TWO HOURS? Skye thinks it's hilarious that she and her housekeeper are going to have to spend TWO HOURS getting rid of a couple of squirrels? While, what, Morgan and Tammy lounge around in bed? Something tells me Maya's not nearly as amused by this as everyone else is...

So then we zoom two months ahead, and Skye continues to be as obnoxious as she was a year ago:

Skye was always the first one up on Sunday mornings. “Time for church,” she would bellow at the top of her lungs, jumping on her parents’ bed.

Oh my gosh. SOMEBODY needs to get this child to calm down, right now.

Reason #5481 I shouldn't be a mom: I see nothing adorable whatsoever about being woken up
by children bouncing on my bed. I don't care if it's Christmas. Go away. 

Anyway, Morgan and Tammy wake up one Sunday to find the power is out and Skye is still sleeping, but when they go in to wake her up, she doesn't wake up. Morgan and Tammy panic, but as they start to panic, suddenly people start arriving:

Hearing the commotion, Maya rushed in. “The ambulance is here. What’s wrong?”  

Ty and Penni raced into the room right behind her.  

Quickly assessing the situation, Ty shouted, “Lay her on the bed.”

Hold on hold on hold on. Ty(rion) is an IT guy, not a nurse! What the heck is he even doing here?

Apparently there was a power surge that made all the girls' alarms go off, so it wasn't until like ten minutes after Skye went comatose that they even realized anything was genuinely wrong with her. So the IT guy grabbed the only nurse mentioned by name, called Dr. Rozak, and rushed over in an ambulance.

They all follow Skye to the hospital, where most of them file into the chapel and pray for her.

Eventually:

It was hard to read Tammy’s expression when she entered the hushed waiting room, but there was no doubt that it registered concern.

So, wait, isn't that reading her expression? Doesn't that mean "her concerned expression was easy to read"? I think what he really meant is that Morgan couldn't tell right away whether Skye was alive or dead. However, it turns out Skye is alive. She had a seizure, but they got to her in time... which is too bad because we still have like 20% of this book left and I'm not sure I can take Skye squealing at the top of her lungs about church for another 35 pages.

I know, I'm a terrible person, eagerly waiting for this fictional child to die, but if he hadn't made her so dang annoying...

Dr. Rozak announces:

“I’ve called the team in and we’re going to work today. In fact, we’re going to work around the clock until we get as far or farther than the Leontiou’s were.”

Sigh. I see Rothdiener and his editor still don't know how to use apostrophes.

I'm pretty sure they've been talking about the team working around the clock anyway. Was this like their one day off in the past two months? I guess now the reality has sunk in that Skye's going to die any day now, so they should really work on this whole cure thing.

Morgan insists that Dr. Rozak should have known something about the Leontious' work, but apparently all he ever did was administer the injections. He is a doctor, not a scientist. If he wasn't ever involved in the procedure to begin with, I don't really know why he's doing any work on the procedure now.

Morgan asks if there were backup hard drives.

OH MY GOSH. If there were backup hard drives and everyone forgot about them because they were idiots and all this time they could have just restored the freaking virus killing antidote from the backups that were there all along, I'm going to hit someone.

Fortunately, that's not the case. Ty(rion) tried to save the hard drives, but they were all wiped. (I mean, obviously they should have saved the backups on external hard drives that weren't connected to the network because that's how backups work, but at least they weren't like, "Hey, we never thought of using the backups!")

Dr. Rozak says Skye has like a year, tops, before she dies. Then we get this speech:

With fresh optimism Morgan began to speak, starting in a whisper, but growing louder with each phrase. “She’ll get better! I know she will. We’re going to beat this! Skye is going to beat this! Everyone get to work. We have a job to do. Lives to save!”  

Morgan rushed out of the room to Skye’s side.

Guys, there is NO WAY to do this without making it hilarious.

I issue you all that challenge. Say Morgan's speech, starting by whispering "She'll get better" and getting louder with each sentence until you're yelling, "LIVES TO SAVE!" and then run out of the room. If you can do this with great sincerity and seriousness and not burst into laughter about halfway through, you're a better person than I.

Morgan goes to see Skye, who is very concerned that she didn't get to play piano in church that morning. (That may be one of the first actual childlike responses I've seen from her. Kudos, Rothdiener.) She then pleasantly reports that she had an out-of-body experience during this whole thing, which freaks Morgan out. She ends by quoting Scripture at him and saying God knows what he's doing.

We are 80% of the way through. Eight chapters, 44 pages, two more months. (Unless chapters are short again and I can cram a couple in together like today. Whoo!)

We are GETTING THERE!

(Chapter 32.)

The Quest for Skye: Chapter 29

Recap: Doctor L. L. is alive but dying, and Skye is dying, and Morgan and Tammy have finally agreed to take over the clinic until Skye dies, but after that, forget all the rest of the girls who need their help, they're taking off.

It took a joint effort to prepare the turkey and trimmings for over a hundred people in less than five hours. But they pulled it off, and dinner was ready, as promised.

...Who is "they"?

Are these not the regular cafeteria workers? Is this not the kind of thing they do every day? Surely they feed most of the people in the hospital and on the island every day, in less than five hours. And of course it took a "joint effort." Who the heck would be like,  "I want turkey and trimmings for over a hundred people in less than five hours! But only ONE OF YOU CAN DO THIS!"

I can't even get past the first paragraph of a chapter before I'm reminded what a terrible writer Rothdiener is...

Doctor L. L. and Skye show up in the cafeteria and everyone applauds.

Morgan could see how deeply admired, respected, Layland was. I wonder what the Klitous would think if they saw this?

"Stupid Markus and his wife. Nobody loves THEM. Ha!"

Doctor L. L. cheerfully announces to everyone that Malinda's dead and that he'll be dead soon.

Facing his computer expert, he added, “Ty, I want to thank you and Jane for everything you’ve done. Your computer skills have proved beneficial more times than I can count.”

Well, now we have finally confirmed who Ty is... now WHO THE HECK IS JANE?

He thanks a few more people, including "Nurse Penni," who we never met, and Victoria, who we did very briefly. He then introduces Morgan and Tammy as the new people in charge. Skye is about to pray for the food, when suddenly there is the sound of HELICOPTERS outside. A guard tells Lance that three armed military helicopters have landed in their courtyard and that all the men are waiting out at the helicopter pad.

Morgan jumped up to join Lance; Tammy grabbed his arm. “Honey, be careful.” She tried to sound upbeat, keeping her composure.  

He lowered his eyebrows. “When was the last time you talked with Senator Talbert?”  

Tammy nodded, understanding what he was asking.

What? I don't understand what he is asking. Talbert hasn't been mentioned in the book up until now (I just checked). Is Morgan asking her to, I don't know... call this senator she might or might not be friends with and ask him to... what? He's presumably an American senator. What the heck is he supposed to do about Greek military landing on somebody's private country island? I mean, America does occasionally like to jump into battles we have nothing to do with, but this doesn't seem to be a case where that's likely to happen.

Of course, the previous book in this series involved the President of the U.S. granting an American pop star the right to move her Muslim mother's body from its grave in Iraq and transport it to the U.S., against the wishes of pretty much everyone in Iraq, including her government and the rest of her family. So Rothdiener's grasp of America's political clout is a little bit... confused.

Lance and the guards are putting on bulletproof vests and getting guns, and Morgan's like, "Me too! Me too!" When Lance asks him if he's used one of them before, he's like, "Pshaw, I went hunting with my dad sometimes." I gotta say, I do NOT particularly want a gun in Morgan's hands... But they shrug and give him one, and Lance talks him through how to use it, explaining concepts like the safety and the trigger.

NOBODY IS GOING TO ACCIDENTALLY DIE HERE

The helicopters land, and out pour the following people: 30 armed soldiers, the colonel who was with the last Greek invasion, a "high political figure in the Greek government" named Dimitri Petrou, a judge, Markus and his wife, and a cameraman.

Lance tells them they're all under arrest because they're violating the Leontiou-Greece treaty. Petrou says nuh-uh, because probably Leontiou is dead.

“Once the world finds out about his death, the Greek government will fall. Then my party will take control, at which time the new Greek government— with me as its new leader— will step in, and if need be, with force, remove everyone here, including Leontiou’s precious little heir to the throne.”

I STILL don't really understand why Leontiou's death causes the Greek government to fall. Is it the island itself that is going to destroy the Greek government/economy? Leontiou himself can't possibly be that important, given that he has isolated himself so fully from anything but his Batten research.

All the people on the island show up at that time, and Lance says they'll all fight to the death to protect the island, which is kind of a big assumption to make. I can just imagine him saying that, and like half the people go back inside the clinic.

Morgan yells at Markus that it's going to look really bad for them if the camera captures them firing on civilians, but, um, he's ignoring the fact that Markus is the one controlling the camera. It'll only look bad for them if he captures that and then decides to release the tape. In which case, he was kind of asking for the bad publicity.

Morgan then appeals to Markus' sense of not-shooting-civilians-being-the-right-thing-to-do, but Petrou goes all supervillain and summons four jet fighters.

Lance responded, screaming over the noise, “The Greek government... the real Greek government, would not do this.” 

“I will sweep those fools away with a wave of my hand!” Petrou bellowed.

See? I told you. Supervillain.

Lance says he thinks Petrou's bluffing, but with a wave of his hand Petrou apparently orders the helicopters to order the jets to blow up a water tower, which they do.

Then... Doctor L. L. finally shows his face, makes a speech about how children are people too and they shouldn't be shot at, and then...

Six American Super Hornets were streaking across the island, in hot pursuit of the Greek planes. Out numbered, outgunned, and outclassed, the Greek jets wasted no time in beating a hasty retreat.

WHAT HOW DID THE AMERICANS GET HERE

AND ALSO WHY

All the soldiers get into the helicopters and fly away, but, um, they leave the non-soldiers behind on the island. Way to take care of your own, Greek army.

Explanation:

“You might also be interested to learn that Tammy once saved the life of a United States Senator’s son. Senator Talbert serves on the Senate Armed Services Committee, and he’d like nothing better than to repay that debt. Tammy phoned him when we heard your merry little band of cutthroats landing on the island. After that, I figure the chain of command was followed. Senator Talbert called the President of the United States, who called NATO command. You see, the island of Kardia falls under the protection of NATO, a fact of which your government has just been reminded.”

OK. I'm not going to comment a ton on this because I don't know much about how exactly NATO works. I did look it up on Wikipedia to get an overview, but I don't believe in writing oodles about things I don't understand, so I'm just going to say:

1) How the heck did Leontiou Island get to be part of NATO? How come Morgan knows this but apparently nobody else does?

2) THAT MOVED FAST. Seriously, from when Morgan said, "Psst, call the senator," to when the jets showed up, I'd estimate like 5-10 minutes' worth of dialogue has happened. That's 5-10 minutes for Tammy to find a phone, figure out how to reach her senator friend, give him a call, explain the situation, have him give the President a call, explain the situation, have him give NATO command a call, explain the situation, and have him order the jets to go from "a few miles from here" (where they were holding war games, Morgan explained) to Leontiou Island?

Yeah, no.

Morgan ends his explanation with this zinger:

“If I were a betting man, Mr. Petrou, I’d wager that you’re not going to be having a good day, probably for the rest of your life.”

*giggle*

I can't even say that with a straight face.

"You'll be having a bad day... FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

But suddenly, it was imminently clear to all that Dr. Morgan Hamilton was assuming the mantle of leadership. Tammy felt a surge of pride. She now had no doubt that Morgan was up to the challenges facing him as the clinic administrator.

Oh, sheesh. Is the best measurement of a good administrator really whether he can coordinate a NATO attack in time to force a Greek army off an island and then throwing out a really stupid "goodbye" line?

But then again, this is playing into the icky stereotype that aggression = manliness = awesomeness, which always annoys me, because I tend to find that aggression = obnoxiousness = GET AWAY FROM ME.

So the three political people go back to... oh, another helicopter, I guess the soldiers didn't abandon them completely. They're apparently going to be arrested when they get to Greece, so, um, that's nice? But Markus and Anna are still stuck on the island. Unless they have yet another helicopter. Which, it turns out they do. So there were at least four helicopters, because when the soldiers left it definitely referred to "helicopters," not just one helicopter. SOMEONE needs to learn to count.

They all head back inside for turkey, and Lance says it's OK that they blew up the water tower, because that was just the old one. So that problem's solved.

The Hamiltons were overwhelmed by Skye’s prayer. She talked to God like she was chatting with her best friend. Again they thought, if only we could be more like Skye.

Yup. Because Skye's prayer isn't about God. It's about Skye.

While Morgan ate, his mind was still reeling with the recent events. What had given Dr. Leontiou the strength to do what he’d done? Or, rather, who had given him the strength?

Could it be... DUN DUN DUN... God?

Actually, it probably isn't. It's probably Skye. God doesn't seem to be very involved in this story.

Layland knew he no longer had to worry about the Greek government trying to take over.

Well, that wraps up that subplot. Should be about time for the book to end now...

WHAT? We're only 75% of the way through? Is this story NEVER going to finish?

So then there's an uninteresting couple sections where Doctor L. L. dies and Skye cries about it. It is nice to know she has feelings after all, though of course when she seemed heartless earlier it was because her parents weren't actually dead yet.

The next day, Leontiou's lawyers arrive:

Sitting around the large table in the meeting room, Barrows explained what happened when Petrou and his associates returned to Athens. “They, along with fifty other government officials, were arrested. The socialists on the left had been working quietly trying to bring the Leontiou Empire down, and overthrow Greece. Fortunately, their efforts were thwarted by Lance and Morgan.”

I still don't understand why the Leontiou Empire's reign was connected to Greece, and I still don't know what Skye had to do with ANY of this...

Apparently Doctor L. L. was convinced when he died that Morgan's "YOU CAN'T TAKE OVER OUR COUNTRY" stand meant that he would be willing to stick around and take care of the clinic after Skye died, which is, um, not at all what that means, it was just Morgan reveling in being a tough guy, but whatever.

And then Morgan and Tammy sign the papers and the clinic is theirs and finally the longest chapter in the world is OVER.

Roughly 50 more pages to go, says the Kindle. We can make it!

(Chapter 30.)

The Quest for Skye: Chapter 28

Recap: Things got crazy last time, guys. Morgan sneaked past The Locked Door to find out that Doctor Leontiou is alive (and possibly dressing up as an old lady in a wheelchair), but he and Malinda somehow both got Super Batten from their experiments. They found a treatment for Batten but all their scientists died in the explosion and all their research was saved on their network so Markus' wife's hacking destroyed that, so nobody can make any more Batten medicine because nobody knows how. It is all ridiculous.

Morgan’s gaze shifted to another room.

There is ANOTHER ROOM behind The Locked Door. Looks like it was keeping the Hamiltons out of like half the clinic.

Morgan goes in. It's another bedroom, with a child-sized desk, so, um... Skye's room? Why does Skye have a bedroom behind The Locked Door? What's wrong with the one in her mansion? Is this where she was sleeping before the Hamiltons showed up?

A bunch of paintings of the pictures Mrs. Scott took on Skye's cruise trip are all over the walls, while another wall just has paintings of Jesus. Morgan confirms that Skye painted them all.

“If you examine them closely, you’ll discover Skye’s initials somewhere on every one.”

What a truly novel idea, to initial your artwork. Skye must have thought of that one all on her own.

In one painting, the initials are in Jesus' eye, because Jesus always has his eye on Skye. Sigh. Why?

Anyway.

Morgan asks why so many pictures of Jesus. Doctor L. L. says he asked Skye the same thing, and she'd always respond, "Oh, because He walks with me and talks with me." Doctor L. L. then casually announces he's a Christian now, and Morgan gets all excited. So then we get the conversion story:

“Much has occurred since then. I never really thought about religion, or really cared, for that matter. It just wasn’t important to me. One day I sat down with Skye, and came right out and asked her about it. Can you believe that an adult asked a ten-old-girl why she believes the way she does? Anyhow, she just said, ‘Father, I wish you could understand. I see a train coming down the track towards millions of people— how can I not warn them that it’s headed directly toward them?’” Unashamedly, tears fell from Skye’s father’s eyes. “Yes, I’m a believer. Skye was thrilled when we prayed together.”

I don't get it.

What changed his mind?

Skye's been praying and painting Jesus for years, and now, suddenly, he asks her this out of the blue. He doesn't bother to explain whether he'd been thinking about it for awhile, or whether her answer somehow startled him into realizing he needed to believe, or anything.

This conversion story is disturbing because it has nothing to do with Jesus. It is ALL about Skye. He goes on to gush about how loving she is and how she tells everybody about Jesus, but the emphasis is ALL on her.

God apparently has absolutely nothing to do with any of it. While the Bible would teach you the Holy Spirit convicts people, J. L. Rothdiener knows the real truth: Skye convicts people. With her bouncy hair and her cute nine-year-old ways.

UGH.

Morgan asks how much time Doctor L. L. has left, and he says, “Days... Maybe only hours.”

Well, DANG. It's a good thing Morgan broke into The Locked Door when he did, because Doctor L. L. might be dead by the end of the day.

OK, and now things start getting more confusing:

“Dr. Hamilton, Skye is dying too! Once that occurs, who knows what will happen? We’re simply buying time.”

I still have no idea why Skye is so freaking important to anyone. I mean, yes, she has superpowers, but I don't think we're supposed to think she has superpowers. So let's see if Doctor L. L. will explain why Skye is so important.

“I had hoped to extend my daughter’s life, and at the same time, save my country.” 

Morgan continued gazing at the pictures Skye had painted. “Your country could collapse economically anyway.”  

“True, but at least we will have tried.”  

“Sad! Does Skye realize the role she has to play in all this?”

WAIT WHAT?

*I* don't realize the role Skye has to play in all this, how come Morgan does?

Literally the only thing I can think of that makes Skye a player in this at all is that she was the first one getting the new Batten drugs, so I guess if they ever figure out how to make the new drugs again they'll need a new guinea pig if she's dead. Which is morbid but that's ALL SHE HAS TO DO WITH THIS SO FAR.

This is excruciatingly frustrating. I wish Rothdiener would stop re-explaining things we know already ("GASP, the bracelets monitor the girls' vitals?!") and start explaining what the CRAP is going on with all these conspiracy theories and how the HECK Skye fits into it all.

Tammy suddenly shows up in the room, followed by an apologizing guard. I guess she got tired of waiting in the storage room -- it's not like the Hamiltons are known for their patience or anything -- and just wandered in.

And then we have like a page and a half of this:

“If everyone lived like Skye, the world would be a much better place.”

This chapter has already established Skye is better than God, so can we move past this?

Doctor L. L. then shows them a picture of Skye and her parents chilling with Jesus in heaven. She painted it before she went on the cruise, but in the picture she's wearing the outfit Tammy bought for her, so Doctor L. L. has decided it's a prophecy that means she'll be dead soon and they'll all be in heaven together by the end of the year.

Morgan stepped closer to the wheelchair-bound man. “Skye has been a godsend to us. She has showed us that there are more important things in life than our problems.”

"Which is why I have spent the last several days helping take care of children instead of wandering around a beach, spying on people, sneaking past locked doors, and taunting reporters. CLEARLY I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON."

However, the Hamiltons quickly reveal they don't really care about anyone but Skye, because after this long speech about giving selflessly to improve others, Morgan says they'll stay at the clinic until Skye dies, but there's no guarantee they'll stick around after that. Doctor L. L. tries to point out that there are other girls here, not just Skye, but Morgan says it'd probably be too emotional for them to stick around.

“I’m still at a loss knowing why you think we’re properly qualified for this. You’re able to obtain the greatest minds in the world to work for you.” 

“You can add much more than anyone else, because you will add heart.”

"I can tell you have heart because you wrote a paper about why we should care about rare childhood diseases. And then only talk about that at the conferences I spontaneously ask you to speak at."

“I’m sorry,” Tammy said. “But heart is something we’re lacking these days. We’re mad at life, and at God, for not allowing us to have a baby.”

Well, that's... honest.

Doctor L. L.'s response is along the lines of, "Well, I'M losing a kid, and I'M not mad at God," which apparently shames the Hamiltons into silence.

Skye and Lance show up in the room, and suddenly Doctor L. L. starts breathing heavily and asks for a moment to say goodbye to Skye, because apparently he's going to conveniently die right now after explaining everything to the Hamiltons. Well, everything except why the heck Skye matters to the Greek economy.

The chapter ends with:

Morgan knew that those left in the Leontiou family needed time alone. Now that everything was public, they no longer had to meet in hiding. 

If all goes well, the next morning the papers will be signed, and Skye will be officially adopted by the Hamiltons. Everything Layland owns will be transferred to Skye and her new mom and dad.

Which begs the question, once more: Why all the secrecy? If they were waiting to transfer Doctor L. L.'s possessions over to the Hamiltons before they told the world they were dying/dead, then why didn't they TELL the Hamiltons what was going on? What were they waiting for? Were they just waiting for them accept the clinic first? Did they think they'd be less likely to accept if they knew the truth?

NOTHING ANYBODY DOES MAKES ANY SENSE

But on the bright side, I did a calculation the other day and we only have 11 chapters left after this one. Three more months of Skye and we'll have finished.

(Chapter 29.)

The Quest for Skye: Chapter 27

Recap: Morgan and Tammy spied on Skye to see that she entered The Locked Room. They've figured out the password to get in and now they're going to sneak in after her and see what's in there. Also, they've figured out Skye has Batten, the Leontious had a cure but didn't tell anyone, and Markus' computer hacking might have made a bunch of the girls at the clinic sicker somehow. None of this makes any sense.

Morgan and Tammy sneak out of the supply closet and toward The Locked Room:

Tammy moved snug to the wall until she got under the camera.

Keep in mind this is all right outside (or maybe inside? It hasn't been entirely clear) the emergency room. There are people around. This is hardly an inconspicuous way to go about things.

Tammy obediently puts the flyswatter over the camera, allowing Morgan to rush over to The Locked Room and let himself in. With that done, Tammy retreats to... the storage room. Yes, having spent all morning hiding in a storage closet, she's clearly developed Stockholm Syndrome with the room itself and is never going to leave it.

Inside The Locked Room, it's an office setup. There's a computer that's scrolling through all the patients' info, and none of this is interesting to Morgan, but there's another door with noises coming from behind it, so he goes over and peeks in there.

In that room, there's a sofa and living room furniture. But there's another room beyond that, so Morgan goes in there...

At this point I'm kind of hoping he ends up in an endless maze of decorated, empty rooms. But, no, it's much more exciting than that.

The third door is a bedroom. There's a wheelchair and a woman's wig lying around, which Morgan wants to pick up for some reason (?), when suddenly the door opens and in comes...

DOCTOR L. L.

Whaaat?

So apparently he's not dead, which makes sense, because he was pretty safely protected from the fire. It never made much sense for him to be dead anyway. Kudos to Rothdiener for clearing up one glaring plothole. Now only 9,999,999 to go.

Shocked, he eyed the man who only a few months earlier had been so fit and debonair. Now, before him stood the merest shell of a man— bald, skin and bones.

...Is Doctor L. L. the old woman in the wheelchair? Because that is the most bizarre, creepy turn of events. His wife dies so he starts impersonating an old lady because... WHO KNOWS WHY.

Noticeably out-of-breath, Layland spoke slowly in a weakened, hoarse voice. “I told Lance you’d figure it out. But he said you could not know yet, in case you turned our offer down.”

Well, actually, Lance kept telling them to ask Skye about all of this. But he must have known that the Hamiltons would want to do crazy spying stuff instead of, you know, finding out the answers the sane way.

Morgan asks him why all the secrets:

“I’m protecting my family,” Layland said. Even in his weakened voice, the anger came through loud and clear. “And perhaps the world as well.” 

“Protecting your family from what?” 

“People like the Klitous, the government, politicians, pharmaceutical firms, even my own family. I’ve been fighting them, and I will continue to do so.”

I don't know about you, but this all kind of sounds like the ramblings of a very paranoid man. When he can't give specifics and instead says all these vague things about "the government" coming after his family... I'm not sure I'd take all of this at face value. The man's clearly not well.

He shares his rags-to-riches story and complains that "people like the Klitous and others" are trying to take away his hard-earned wealth. Morgan, true to form, just scowls and demands that he answer the question - why all the secrets?

“I’m sure you’ve figured it out already,” Layland said. “You and Tammy are brilliant!”

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Morgan confirms that they found a treatment for Batten that would slow it down. Doctor L. L. wanted to go public with it, but Malinda Leontiou was worried pharmaceutical companies would steal their information and use it for themselves. So they just didn't tell anybody, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you support the efforts of rare childhood disease cures.

Doctor L. L. also worries about the government again, and Morgan asks:

“When you say ‘government,’ do you mean your government?”

Who IS Doctor L. L.'s government? His island is its own freaking country. Of which he is clearly the head, since he has all the money and there doesn't seem to be anyone else in charge. Is Lance secretly the king/dictator/president? Is Morgan referring to the Greek government?

Doctor L. L. avoids the question by saying that it doesn't matter, all governments are the same, so, um, there's that answer. He continues to confirm that Skye has Batten and says Dr. Rozak was the neurologist who first treated her.

“The bracelet the girls wear is more than a tracking device, isn’t it?” 

“Yes. It monitors their vital signs and indicators twenty-four hours a day. We know if their heart races or plummets, or if their blood pressure elevates or drops, and other medical information. The data is transferred immediately back to the main computer in the lab.” 

Morgan was entranced by what he was hearing.

HOLY CRAP, Morgan, Tammy JUST told you all this in the last chapter, AND Dr. Rozak talked about this like six chapters ago, where you all oohed and ahhed over such advanced medical technology that lets you track patient monitors through bracelets. If Morgan ever wants to deserve Doctor L. L.'s hilariously pronounced title of "brilliant," he's gotta stop reacting like he's just figured out things he's already been told twice and then being shocked again when it's confirmed.

Doctor L. L. says they left the cruise early because Skye's bracelet said her indicators had changed. He says all the girls at the clinic (do they not treat boys here? That's never really been addressed) were on injections of the treatment, but now the shots are "all gone" and the girls are getting worse.

(If Markus' wife managed to hack into a computer and physically remove shots from the clinic, I am going to be very, very impressed with her computer skills.)

Doctor L. L. continues to give back story: Malinda Leontiou had made this new medicine out of dolphin stem cells. It was working on the patients. Then, suddenly, it wasn't working, so they had to make a stronger version, and if they didn't win at making a stronger version, all the "replacement genes" they'd injected into the kids earlier could actually turn into evil genes and spread the disease faster.

Then the computer was hacked while they were working on this stronger version and EVERYTHING WENT CRAZY and the lab exploded and all the scientists in the room were exposed to the live virus so they all died. But because Malinda's computer was gone and Malinda was dead, nobody knew how to make the stronger strain anymore.

Really?

REALLY?

That's why he can't treat kids with Batten now? Because Malinda didn't believe in backups?

OK, well, it turns out they believed in backups, but by that they just mean "saving it to other computers on the same network," not like, you know, actual useful ones, saved on outside hard drives or to a cloud drive somewhere. So when the computer was hacked and a virus put on it, it wiped out the entire network of computers so now nobody knows the recipe for the cure.

OH HEY, here's Ty randomly again:

[“]Hours later, Ty had rebooted the system. It was then we realized we had been hacked, and a virus had been planted inside the system. The virus found its way into the main processor. Unfortunately, it was propagating faster than Ty could correct it.[”]

So I guess Ty(rion) is one of their IT guys?

Doctor L. L. says Malinda just died a few days ago.

“That was why Skye was so upset,” Morgan mumbled. “Things are finally starting to make sense.” 

“Yes. My little girl has had a lot to deal with.” 

No one had to convince Morgan how amazing Skye was. He’d never seen anyone who impacted as many lives as that young girl. She was beyond amazing.

Here, Rothdiener suddenly remembered that the book hadn't mention in a long time that Skye was Girl Jesus, so he tossed this in.

Doctor L. L. also got a dose of the Batten virus when he went in to save Malinda, so he's dying too, but he nobly refuses to use any of the injections that are left on himself. He finishes the chapter by explaining that he built this clinic mostly for Skye, and, yes, they do only treat girls with Batten.

The chapter ends here, somewhat abruptly, but, hey, at least we got some answers! They're stupid answers, but they're answers!

(Chapter 28.)